The One Who Got Away
by Jujukeck
Summary: After Ana leaves Christian, she doesn't think her life can get worse. But, it does. Is she able to move on with a new life? Can Christian forget Ana or will she forever the one who got away? HEA. All characters are the property of EL James.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 01

 **APOV**

It's the beginning of March here in Savannah. The weather is getting warmer and the tourist season is starting. At least I'll make some good money. I do what I do every day - I get dressed, go to work, go home to mom's house, and repeat.

"Ana, you've got a table." John, my manager, tells me. I tie my apron and with my new guest check book, I make my way over to the table. Silently, I grumble when I see it's a table of businessmen. Let's see how long it takes for one of them to call me _'honey'_.

"Hi, Welcome to Moon River Brewery. I'm Ana and I'll be your server today." I give my usual spiel without enthusiasm.

An older looking man just says, "I'll have an Arnold Palmer." I'm looking at the book while writing down everyone's orders.

Suddenly, I hear next to me, "Ana?" I recognize that voice instantly and my world stops. I look up and it's him, Christian. I haven't seen him for more than eight months since I left him after he hit me with his belt. My heart is beating fast and I feel like I am going to break out in a sweat. I try to sound nonchalant.

"I'll give you a few minutes and will come back with your drinks." I quickly walk back towards the bar taking deep breaths to try and calm down. I can't do this. I'm going to ask John if I can have a different table. He'll understand.

Before I can have the chance to do anything, I hear, "Anastasia. I know you heard me back there." _Ugh_ , I can't catch a fricken break.

I turn to him. "Christian, hi."

He looks at me accusingly. I've forgotten how intimidating he is. "Ana, what are you doing here?"

"I'm at work. What are you doing here?" What exactly is he trying to imply?

He narrows his eyes at me. "I'm at work." He answers calmly. Too calmly.

"Listen, Christian. I have to go back to work." I quickly try to leave before he can say anything else.

"Ana, we need to talk."

"Christian, I can't right now."

"Meet with me when you're done work." It's not as much of a question than it is a demand. Bossy Christian.

I'm almost breathless. Barely above a whisper I respond, "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Please, Ana." I start to nod my head in response. "I'm not going to give up so if you want me off your back just meet with me. We need to talk." He is relentless. I forgot about that.

"Fine. I get done at 4:30. You can meet me here." A look of relief runs across his face. With a look of satisfaction, he goes back to his table.

John comes up to me, "Everything ok, Ana?"

"Um, actually, can I have a different table?" John's a good guy so he doesn't ask any questions.

"Sure. I'll swap with you. You can have table 30."

* * *

Thankfully, the rest of the afternoon is busy so it doesn't give me a lot of time to think. I'm cashing out and pulling together my tips at 4:30 when I see Christian enter the restaurant. I was hoping he wasn't as good looking as I remember, but he is. And he still smells so good. I take my apron off, put it in my locker, and say goodbye to John.

I walk up to Christian and lead him outside. "It's good to see you. Where do you want to go?" He asks me.

"We can walk along the river. Let's go this way." I lead him down the steps to River Street."

"Are you hungry?" Some things don't change.

"No."

"Ana, I can tell you've lost a lot of weight. It's not good for you. You didn't have the weight to lose to begin with."

"Christian, that is really none of your concern and if you haven't noticed, I work at a restaurant." A look of anger flashes across his face but he quickly changes it.

"How are you?" I know he's trying to make conversation and it appears Kate kept her promise and didn't tell him anything.

"I'm OK."

"Are you?"

"What do you want to hear, that I've had the worst year of my life?"

"Is that why you're here? In Savannah?" His question brings back one of the worst days of my life.

 _It was the day after I left Christian. My head was pounding from crying all night long and there was a knock on the door. When I open the door, it's Ray. "Daddy, what's wrong?"_

" _Annie, it's your mom. She and Bob were in a car accident. She's in the ICU and Bob didn't make it." It takes me a while to process what he just said._

" _What?" Tears start to spring from my eyes even when I thought I had no more left to cry._

" _I think you should get to Georgia. I'll help you pack a bag and we'll both fly down there. OK, sweetie?" The rest of the day is in a fog for me. I don't remember how we got to the airport or even the flight. I just remember seeing mom in the hospital bed, bruised and battered, hooked up to tubes._

" _Oh, Momma. Please, be ok..."_

"The day after I left…" I inhale and exhale. I can't bring myself to finish the sentence and I hear Christian breathe in as well. "... my mom and Bob were in a car accident. Mom was in ICU for a couple of months and Bob didn't make it. I decided to stay here with her. Not only did she have a physical recovery to go through but she just became a widow for the second time in her life."

"Anastasia, I'm so sorry. Is she OK now?" He asks and I am disarmed by the sincerity in his voice.

"She's getting there. Physically she is back to normal but Bob's death has been really hard on her, especially during the holidays."

Suddenly, he stops walking. "What's wrong?" I ask him.

"I'm sorry, truly. I wish I would have known." Hearing him and his voice makes my heart constrict. I thought if I put enough distance between us, I would get over him. But I can tell it didn't work - I just pushed everything down. Unsure of what to say, I just shrug.

He caresses my face with his hand and that electricity is still there. "I've missed you, Ana. I tried to call you but your number was disconnected. Kate wouldn't tell me anything. I think she hates me even more if that's possible." It makes me smile.

"Christian, this isn't a good idea. I better go."

"Ana, please wait." I can't wait. I don't want to cry in front of him. I don't want to let him know I regret meeting him because if I hadn't met him, I wouldn't have felt how good and bad love can make you feel.

"No, Christian. Good luck." I turn and without looking back head to my car before he can catch up with me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 02

 **CPOV**

I've dreamt of Ana often since she left me. I've tried to get over her and move on. I tried to get a new submissive but I compared them all to _her_. To Anastasia. Flynn tried to tell me it's because I love her. It's simply not true. I'm not capable of love and I sure as hell don't deserve love from someone like Ana.

But seeing her today. Seeing her hurt, thin, and disconsolate made me want to take it all away from her. I want to make her better. I can't believe how bad it made me feel to know I had some part of it. She is a fraction of the girl I knew and I have to make this right.

I won't have time to see her again before I need to head back to Seattle but I know what to do.

"Mr. Grey?"

"Welch, I need you to get as much information on Anastasia Steele as you can. She's now living in Savannah, Georgia."

"Yes, Sir. I'll have you the information by the end of the day."

I hang up with Welch and decide to text my brother.

 ***Why didn't you tell me about Ana?***

 ***New phone. Who dis?***

 ***Elliot quit fucking around. I'm serious. I just saw her in Savannah.***

 ***Oh, sorry, bro. Kate made me promise not to say anything.***

 ***Obviously. She looked terrible. She must have lost 15 pounds.***

 ***Kate hasn't seen her since she left and has only spoken with her a few times. Ana seemed to fall off the face of the earth.***

What the fuck? Your best friend goes through something like that and you don't check in and see how she is doing? Before I can say something that will piss Elliot off, I tell him I have to go. Now I am even more concerned for Anastasia. Obviously, she has no one to look out for her.

I'm tempted to call Ray and talk to him. But, I don't know what Ana has told him about us and I am not sure how I will be received. I am unable to concentrate while I am on the plane home and make Taylor nervous as I pace back and forth through the aisle.

"Sir, is there anything I can get for you?" Taylor asks me. I don't think he knows how to handle me like this.

"No, but when we land, have Andrea get me in with Dr. Flynn as soon as possible."

"Yes, Sir."

"Also, contact Bastille and schedule some workouts for me whenever there is time."

I try to work on a financial report but I am having trouble focusing. Thankfully, when we finally land I see there is a voicemail from Welch letting me know he has information on Anastasia which he has emailed to me.

 **DOSSIER ON ANASTASIA ROSE STEELE**

Social Security No: 541-64-5954

Birth Date: 09/10/1994

Phone: (912) 786-8510

Address: 2084 Yorkie Lane, Tybee Island, GA 31328

Email: 'arsteele910 '

Banking Information:

Acct #: 8612143943

Routing #: 031300575

Balance: $738.62

Vehicle:

VIN: 1GCDT19W828191936

Make: Honda

Model: Civic

Year: 2008

Employment: Waitress at Moon River Brewery

* * *

She still hasn't learned anything. Only $738 in her account? What if something happens? She needs someone to take care of her. She's always the one to take care of others, it is her turn.

I start with my first step. I don't want to come on too strong but I don't want her to forget about me either. I decide to send her flowers - I have a vase of lily of the valley flowers delivered to her home with a note.

 _Anastasia, it was good to see you once again._

 _Christian Grey_

* * *

It's been a month since I sent Ana the flowers and she didn't respond. I don't know what I thought she would say. I have to go back to Savannah next week to work on the acquisition of Eastern Georgia Communications. I decide to email Ana ahead of time and ask her to dinner. That's harmless - it's just a meal. She has to eat, right?

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian T. Grey

Subject: Business in Savannah

Anastasia,

I hope you are well and received the flowers I sent to you last month. I have to return to Savannah for business and would like to know if you would meet with me for dinner while I am there. It'll be my treat.

Sincerely,

Christian T. Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises

* * *

It takes her a little while but she responds. That's a positive sign.

To: Christian T. Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Re: Business in Savannah

Christian,

The flowers were lovely, thank you. But I don't think dinner is a good idea.

Ana

* * *

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian T. Grey

Subject: Everyone eats

Anastasia,

Why? Everyone needs to eat, don't they? You know I will come to see you anyway, so you might as well agree to meet me for dinner.

Sincerely,

Christian T. Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises

* * *

To: Christian T. Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Pushy Intolerable Men

Christian,

Fine. But I would like to pay for my own meal. Please let me know what day you would like to meet.

Ana

* * *

Intolerable? I snort. She probably isn't the first person to think that about me. But, she agreed to meet with me so that is a start.

I don't know why I am hell-bent on Anastasia. She doesn't even live on the same coast. The truth is, I haven't been able to let her go since that dreadful Saturday morning months ago. In a matter of weeks, she managed to get under my skin and into my head.

All week long I couldn't pay attention to anything. I couldn't focus, even when Bastille was kicking my ass. I dreamed about her. I could smell her hair like she was right next to me. I know I should let her go - she deserves more than me. She deserves more than what I can give her. But I can't. I regret letting her walk out of my life on that rainy morning. I have never felt about a woman the way I feel about Ana. I don't think I ever will.

* * *

Finally, the day is here - I am meeting Ana for dinner tonight. I reserved a private room for us at 700 Drayton for 7:30 pm. I sat through meetings all day full of nervous energy. After my last meeting for the day, I change clothes and go for a run. Then, I go to the hotel gym and do another circuit. Nothing helps ease the feeling.

I arrive at the restaurant early and sit at the table waiting for Ana. While I wait, I order a bottle of Sancerre. I have a feeling both of us will need the liquid courage.

She's on time and she walks to the table with her shy smile. She is stunningly beautiful wearing a black sheath dress accented by a golden bib of medallion embroidery and black strappy heels. The dress hugs her slim curves and makes her legs look a mile long.

I'm nervous. I don't know what to say to her. Luckily, my ingrained manners prevail and I stand as she approaches the table. "Hello, Anastasia. You look beautiful."

"Hi, Christian. So why did you want to see me?" She places the napkin on her lap after she sits.

"I guess we're done with the small talk", I mutter. The waiter stops by at this very moment to fill Ana's water glass. I'm annoyed by his interruption and he finally gets the hint. She gives me an icy stare. Ana is no longer the young and innocent girl I met almost a year ago.

"You've lost weight." I declare to her. I know I told her that the last time I saw her but it bothers me a lot. It means she hasn't been taking care of herself.

She narrows her eyes at me. "You didn't fly, what, 3,000 miles just to tell me what the mirror already can. My weight - my life - is no longer any interest of yours." Her words are sharp and cold.

If she thinks she can scare me off with attitude, she's wrong. I haven't become one of the most successful CEOs in the nation by being scared off by some words. "You're always an interest to me, Anastasia. I haven't stopped thinking about you since the day you left."

"Christian, you said it yourself, there are no second chances." For the first time this evening, I see a crack in her tough facade.

"They are my rules, I can change them. I miss you." She holds her hand up telling me to stop as she starts to get tears in her eyes.

"Christian, please, don't. You can't give me what I want and I can't be the person you need me to be. Nothing has changed between us but yet everything is so different, so much has happened."

"You are the person I need you to be. I've thought about you every day since you left. When I called you and couldn't get through I thought you moved on. I tried to let you go. And, I know I'm no good for you but I can't help it. I have never felt the way about anyone like I feel about you."

"I've thought about you too. But it's too late. Too much has happened. My life is here now, in Savannah. Yours is in Seattle. Even if we were going to give it another chance, practically it just doesn't make any sense."

"Are you seeing anyone?" She looks up at me, her eyes are wide with shock; just from that, I know the answer.

"No. I… I haven't had the time between my mom and work."

"How is your mom doing?" I ask her with genuine concern. I only met her mother that one time but even then I could see how much alike they are.

"Physically she's back to normal but emotionally she's having a hard time. Ray came and stayed with us for the holidays and it seemed to help. But I guess it just takes time to get over a loss like that, especially for the second time in your life."

"And you?"

"Me? Oh, I'm here. I get along."

"So, you're just surviving? Do you ever think about me, about us?"

Her voice is soft, barely audible. "Please, don't do this, Christian. I...I need to go." She abruptly gets up from the table as if she's decided if she doesn't do it now she won't have the nerve.

"You haven't even ordered. At the very least let me walk you to your car."

"No. I'm fine. Thank you for dinner."

"Ana, I'm not giving up on you. On us." She doesn't respond and instead just turns and walks away, she walks quickly and determinedly but with her head down. She doesn't look back.

At this moment I resolve to not give up on Ana. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get her back.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 03

 **APOV**

I park my car in the driveway and rush into the house. _I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry. I don't want to cry._

"Ana, honey? How was dinner?" My mom calls to me before I have a chance to make it to my bedroom - my fortress of solitude. _Shit_. I was hoping she would be asleep so I wouldn't have to talk about it with her. I know she cares and would listen to me but I just don't think I can rehash what happened again.

"Hi, Mom. I ended up not eating dinner." That's not a lie; it's just an omission of sorts.

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear. Are you crying, Ana?" Sure, now she's perceptive.

"Yeah…" I don't want to tell her why I am crying. "... I think I hit an animal on my way home." OK, so that was a lie but it's for the best. My mom walks over to me and gives me a hug. It takes everything I have to not cry right there.

"Darling, Ana, you've always had such a big heart." My mom gives me a sweet and comforting smile. She tells me as she starts to brush my hair which is too long now behind my shoulders.

"Thanks, Mom. I'm going to head to my room. See you in the morning." I give her a little smile and quickly turn and walk into my room.

"Good night, Anastasia. See you in the morning." I lie in bed running everything through my mind. Seeing him again confirmed I am still in love with him. I want to give into him but I know I would just set myself up to get hurt. A relationship between us is impossible. It's best for both of us put an end to it quickly like ripping off a band-aid.

Plus, the only reason he wants me now is because he saw me after all those months. I bet if I was still in Seattle he wouldn't care one bit, I wonder if he really did try to get a hold of me. Would Kate have told me if he asked her about me? I need to stop thinking about this. I have to let him go.

* * *

About a week later I am talking to Angie, another waitress at Moon River, in between tables. We've become friends since I started here and she's pretty much my only friend in Savannah. She reminds me a lot of Kate - she's pretty and outgoing and gets whatever she puts her mind to it. She always is so at ease with the customers. I admire that about her.

"Ana, I think the only way to get over a guy is to date another guy." She tells me emphatically. I feel like she's my older sister who is passing on wisdom to her younger, less experienced sister.

"I don't know. I still have feelings for Christian so I don't think it would be fair for me to date someone else." Plus, I don't have confidence in myself to randomly date some guys to get over him. I was surprised when Christian was interested in me. Surely, there can't be many guys who want to date a meek, quiet, girl whose only relationship ended badly, very badly.

"You don't have to marry the guy - just have fun. That's all." She makes it sound so easy.

"Well, I don't know any guys here and I don't want to date a coworker." Good - end of story. Now maybe we can get off the subject.

"My boyfriend's best friend, Dylan, is single and cute. We could double date."

"I don't know, Angie…" Ugh. That's all I need.

"No more excuses, Ana. You need this." I'm nervous and scared and honestly, I don't know if anyone can live up to what I feel for Christian. But I guess one date won't hurt and I don't think she will let this go. I have a feeling it will probably be easiest to just agree to go on the date with Angie and her boyfriend.

"OK. I'll go, but I'm not promising a second date."

"Ana, I'm so excited! It's going to be a lot of fun!" She grabs my hands and jumps up and down a little bit like we are a couple of high school girls who found out we have classes together.

* * *

Friday rolls around and it's the night of our double date. There was a small part of me that was hoping I'd get put on the schedule for work but no such luck. My hair is a frizzy mess that I could not get to do anything and my stomach is doing somersaults. I'm meeting everyone at Jazz'd Tapas Bar on Barnard Street. I don't know how I am supposed to eat when I feel so nervous about this.

I get to the restaurant and I'm already impressed. It's decorated in deep colors and dark wood. The ceiling is exposed giving it an open warehouse vibe. I spot Angie waving at me so I make my way over to the table.

"Hey, Ana. This is my boyfriend, Mick, and this is Dylan." She introduces me to Dylan who looks like Zac Efron. Admittedly, I am taken aback by how good looking this guy really is. I didn't expect that. I look over to her and she winks at me conspiratorially.

Mick is a financial advisor at one of the largest banks in Savannah and Dylan is a website developer. They are both friendly and talkative so it keeps the flow of everything going.

"So, Ana, Angie mentioned you're from Washington." Dylan must have noticed I am quiet and he's trying to include me. He has been very nice the entire time so far. I am pleasantly surprised.

"Oh, yes. I was born in Yakima, Washington but when I was a baby my mom and step-dad moved to Montesano and that's where I grew up until I went to college." Try not to sound too boring, Ana.

"You should have seen Ana's first couple of days here in the heat. I think she was going to wilt!" Angie explains making everyone politely laugh and making me blush slightly. I arrived in Savannah at the end of May and it wasn't until July when I was ready to look for a job confident Mom would be OK at home.

"Yeah, the weather is definitely different than I am used to. But it's been nice here, too." These are the times when I wish I had funny anecdotal stories to tell instead of talking about the weather.

Dylan turns and looks at me, "So, what brought you all the way here from Washington?"

"I came to help my mom. She and her husband were in a bad car accident. Bob passed away and my mom was in the hospital for some time. When she came home I didn't want her to recover alone."

"That's cool of you to uproot your life to help your mom," Mick tells me. I really want to get off me as the topic. I don't feel comfortable like this and feel somewhat like a circus sideshow.

"So, Angie, how did you meet Mick?" I ask. If I know Angie like I think I do, this topic will definitely do the trick and take the focus off me.

She gets a huge grin on her face and looks lovingly at Mick. "I was waitressing in college and I accidentally spilled a tray of beer on him." He smiles back at her. It's adorable in a sickeningly cute sort of way.

"That's something you won't forget. So you went to the same college?" Keep talking, Angie.

"Yup, Bulldogs all the way," Mick says as Angie rolls her eyes.

"Mick is only obnoxious because he was the running back for the football team." She explains as she pats his hand. Everyone laughs with her and I half expect them to break out into the fight song or something.

"So how did the two of you meet?" I point between Dylan and Mick as if the question wasn't clear. _Keep them talking, Ana._

Dylan sits back in his chair, "We were roommates our freshman year. I was the bad influence his mother warned him about." He puts his hands in his pockets as he sits back like he is some kind of authority figure on bad influences. It's endearing in a way.

"Yeah, I spent my time studying and playing football before this asshole took me to his fraternity parties." Mick has a dry sense of humor and it would be easy to think he was serious about Dylan.

"So you were a frat boy, huh?" I tease Dylan.

"Oh yeah, I pledged Lambda Chi Alpha my first semester. How else was I going to get into the best parties on campus? Don't let Angie fool you - she was a Phi Mu. She acts innocent but she organized the best parties. What about you, Ana? Were you involved in anything in college?" _No, I was a nerd who was in a couple literary clubs and didn't even date. I pretty much had my head buried in books throughout college._

"Well, I pretty much stuck to my studies and part-time job but I was in a few literary societies." Like I said, I was a nerd.

"So you're a bookworm, huh?" Dylan smirks at me. Oh, he's got my number alright.

"Oh, I think Ana here has a little wild side to her." Angie chimes in.

"Oh yeah? It's always the quiet ones. Do you have a secret dungeon in your basement where you chain and whip men?" Dylan's question makes me almost choke on my cucumber cooler. The guys laugh at my response not realizing it's true irony. Luckily, the conversation flows easier and does not revolve around me as we eat.

After we are finished with dinner Dylan walks me to my car. _Yup, this is awkward._ "Thank you for dinner, I had a good time," I manage to stammer out. I'm not sure what else to say.

"You're welcome, Ana. I had a good time too. Can I give you a call some time?"

"Sure." Maybe dating gets easier after a little while. I hope.

He gives me a big smile. He really does look like Zac Efron. _Holy crap_. "Great." He leans down and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I get in my car and drive home. The entire drive home I go between feeling excited and nervous at the same time.

I arrive home and luckily mom went to bed so I don't have to answer all of her questions. Relieved, I go to my room, change into my pajamas, and check my cell phone.

Oh, I have a missed call from Kate. I haven't had a chance to talk to her for a while except for texts. It's been tough with work and the time difference. I miss talking to her so I call her back hoping it isn't a bad time or anything.

"Kate!"

"Ana! Hi! I figured since I got your voicemail you were working."

"No, I was just at dinner." Then I stop short. If I tell Kate I went on a date then I am really dating. Putting it into words with someone, especially my best friend, makes it that much more real. Suddenly, I'm nervous again.

"Ana, were you on a date?" She asks me like a mother asking her child who ate all the cookies. How does she do that?

"What? A date? No!" I am not convincing at all and my voice is several octaves higher than usual. Smooth, Ana.

"Mmmhhmm… so tell me about him. What's his name?"

Automatically I respond to her questions. "Dylan."

"I knew it!" _Shit. I fell for her trick._ "Tell me about him. Leave no detail out." She's insistent and I know there is no way to get around this.

"Ugh… no wonder you wanted to go into journalism; it's your calling. It was a double date. He's nice - a web developer."

"What's he look like?"

"Actually, he looks like Zac Efron."

"Hot! Did you kiss?"

"Kate! No! It was our first date. Jeez." I feel my cheeks heat up once more and can hear her laughing on the other end of the phone.

Mercifully, she changes the subject. "Anyway, I wanted to call you because Christian is letting us all use his jet to fly to Hawaii for the wedding. Would you be ok with that?" Kate and Elliot have decided on a destination wedding in Hawaii which is next month already. Time really has gone by quickly. Immediately I feel guilty for not being a better friend to Kate.

"All of us you said?" I ask her trying to buy myself some time to think of what I really want to say. If I say no it will mess up her plans and I can't do that to her. She's my best friend and I am her Maid of Honor.

"Yeah, the Greys, my parents, Ethan, Mia, Christian, and of course, Elliot and me." She quickly breezes past Christian's name and I know she is also hoping I don't pick up on it.

"You were able to convince Elliot to uninvite Jose?" I ask, taking her queue. A couple of months after I came to Savannah, Jose came to visit me and was really inappropriate and hit on me. He practically assaulted me. We had both been drinking but it really freaked me out and I haven't spoken with him since especially since this wasn't the first time he tried something. After it happened, Kate said I should have told Ray but if I did, Ray would kill him.

"Yeah, but I had to tell Elliot why. I hope that's ok."

"As long as Ray doesn't find out that's fine. I don't intend to talk to Jose again." Involuntarily I shudder thinking about that horrible night with Jose.

"So, you're ok going on the jet with us?" I can hear the hope in her voice. I know if I told her I wasn't OK with it she would change plans. And, I love her for that but I can't do that to her. I need to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

"For you, I will."

"I love you! I am forever indebted to you."

I laugh. "Don't forget it."

"OK, I gotta go. Elliot just got home. He was helping his dad with something."

"Say hello to him and I'll talk to you later." I hang up and dramatically fall on my bed. Honestly though, how could I even think that something like this wouldn't happen? Christian is Elliot's brother. I'm probably going to have to see him for the rest of my life. I'll never get over him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 04

 **CPOV**

I am meeting Elliot for dinner to discuss his upcoming wedding to Katherine Kavanagh. He's a huge pain in the ass but he's still my brother and I want to make him happy. I get to Jimmy's on First, and of course, he isn't here yet. I don't know why he's always late. While I wait, I order a Stella Artois and a glass of water.

After waiting about 10 minutes, he finally shows up. "Jesus, Elliot. Why the fuck are you always late?"

He looks at me smugly. "Well hello to you too. Why the fuck are you always in a bad mood?"

"I'm not in a bad mood I just hate having my time wasted. Let's order before the restaurant closes." I signal for the waitress to come over. She's annoyingly batting her eyelashes at me. _Oh, baby, it's all superficial._ I give her a look letting her know I am not interested and she shouldn't waste her time.

She's all business when she takes our orders - at least she got the hint. I get the french dip and Elliot orders the bullpen burger. Once the waitress has left, "So, Elliot, is everything set for Hawaii? Everyone is OK with going on the GEH jet?"

"Oh, yeah. Kate called everyone to arrange it. We confirmed the booking of the bed and breakfast, too." Kate has apparently rented out an entire bed and breakfast on the island so we can have room and privacy. It doesn't really matter to me what they choose to do, aside from the wedding-related activities I plan on mostly working.

"I'm surprised you are willing to spend the week of your wedding with family." I'm not sure there is anyone who is sane and wants to spend the week of his wedding with his family and in-laws.

"We have a whole other week to ourselves and it'll be fun to have everyone together. It's going to be a great time." What is he talking about? I know he's changing his man-whore ways and all by getting married but I never thought I would hear him say spending time with family would be _fun_.

"Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" I ask him somewhat seriously.

He laughs. "I have an ulterior motive. I'm hoping this family time will encourage Kate to want a big family." I'm surprised by his confession.

"You know that could backfire on you. I didn't know you want a big family."

"Yeah, well when I think about the fact that my biological parents didn't want me and I have no idea if I have brothers or sisters out there, it makes me want to surround myself with my own family."

I can see what he is saying. Unfortunately, it's something that isn't in the cards for me. There was only one woman who I would consider that with and she hates me. Not to mention I'd probably be a shit father.

He then looks at me like he swallowed a bug or something. That look is familiar to me and immediately I know something is wrong. "Elliot, what's wrong?"

"You can't tell anyone I told you this, especially Kate. But I heard her talking to Ana last night and it sounds like Ana is dating someone in Savannah."

 _Fuck, I've lost her even though I'm not sure I ever had her_. "Oh, well that's her prerogative. She is at liberty to date whoever she wants."

"Are you sure about that?" He asks me.

"Elliot, Ana ended our relationship months ago. What she is doing or who she is dating is none of my business." Inwardly I hope my little white lie is somewhat believable.

"What if she wants to bring this guy to the wedding?" He pushes the subject.

"If you invited a plus one for her then I guess it's OK. But that's up to you, not me, isn't it?" I _am_ telling him the truth. I just omitted the fact that it bothers me she is dating someone and I will be pissed if she brings this asshole on my jet.

"You know, Christian, she was your first girlfriend, it's OK for you to admit you miss her and have feelings for her. That's how humans act." He tells me smugly.

"Elliot, can we just drop this already?" I ask him with exasperation heavy in my voice. I don't want to talk about this any longer.

"All right. Anyway, Kate and I were talking about the bachelor and bachelorette parties and we decided we would like to do something before the wedding when we get to Hawaii. We arrive on Saturday and get married on Monday so we have a couple of days where we can do something. What do you think?"

"I think it's a much better idea than Vegas or someplace." I am relieved they decided to go this route. I really don't like drunk people or gambling so I was not looking forward to something like a Vegas weekend. I would have done it if Elliot wanted to, but I'm glad I don't.

"How has the planning been going?"

"I haven't really done anything, Kate has been doing most of it with the help of our moms. I think the worst thing she had to do was uninvite Jose."

"Jose the photographer?" He's the asshole who tried to assault Ana that night at the bar when she was drunk. It still upsets me to think about what could have happened to her had I not been there. Then again, that was my first night with her. I remember laying in bed next to her sleeping body watching her sleep peacefully. I wish I was back there now. If I knew then, what I know now I would have done things differently. Would I have pursued her? I don't know. Maybe it could have saved me from all of these feelings. But then again, those few weeks with her were without a doubt the best of my life.

"Yeah, I had no idea this happened but he went to visit Ana in Savannah a few months back and I guess he got really inappropriate with her and tried to make a move. It was enough to scare Ana. Neither she nor Kate have talked to him since then. I wish they would have told me." He tells me like he's giving me the results of a local school board election.

"That fucker. Someone should teach him a lesson so he never tries anything like that on another female ever again." I am seething. He preyed on Ana when she was vulnerable. If I had been there I would have hung him up by his balls.

"You're awfully worked up for someone who doesn't care about Ana." Again he is being a smug bastard. He's lucky he's my brother.

"I don't like anyone who treats a woman badly, regardless of who she is. Does Ray know?" I can't imagine him sitting by and letting this happen. He's a man of action and he cares about Ana as if she was his daughter. Which, I guess she is considering he raised her.

"Kate said Ana didn't tell him because she was afraid of how he would react." Ana has no regard for her own safety.

"I think it's that asshole, Jose, who should be afraid of how Ray would react." Elliot and I finish our dinner and pay the bill. We say goodbye and go our separate ways with me in my R8 and Elliot in his truck.

I get into my car still thinking about the conversation Elliot and I just had. I am angry for Ana and I want to make everything better for her. I wish I could prove to her that I can change if she would only give me a chance. Things got out of hand and then she disappeared until I saw her in the restaurant. As I drive back to Escala, "Witchcraft" comes up on my iPod's playlist. It reminds me of dancing around my apartment with Ana the night she met my parents. She was beautiful, innocent, and silly at the same time. I always had fun when I was with her regardless of what we were doing.

* * *

Once I get home, I decide to text her - just to let her know I am thinking about her. That's what Flynn suggested I do at my last session anyway.

 ***Heard Witchcraft tonight and thought of you. That was a fun night.***

It takes a few minutes and I imagine she is debating on whether to answer me or not. She always overthinks everything.

 *** :-) ***

A smiley face? That's good, right? She at least answered me. I have to keep this going.

 ***How are you doing?***

That's an innocent enough question, right?

 ***I'm OK. Been working a lot so I have spending money in Hawaii. You?***

She doesn't mention a boyfriend - just work. Maybe they aren't serious and Kate misunderstood.

 ***I've been OK. Busy as ever in the world of mergers and acquisitions.***

I wonder if she'll get that reference. I hope so.

 ***Good to hear you are still in command of your empire. I have to go - I'm at work.***

Maybe I overstepped things a little bit. I should have just left it at the song. I think the mergers and acquisitions comment was probably over the top. _Shit_.

 ***Laters, baby***

 ***Laters***

To this day, Anastasia Steele bewilders me. I shake my head thinking about it. I have to admit I have missed her smart mouth.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 05

 **APOV**

The text from Christian gave me the butterflies in my stomach feeling I had when I first met him. The feeling like electricity jolted through my body when he touched me. It's been a couple of weeks and I still can't stop thinking about it. I've gone on a couple more dates with Dylan, but I'm not sure how I feel about him.

There is something that is stopping me from getting close to him and I honestly don't know why. He's nice, funny, smart, and good looking - other women would kill for someone like him. By all means, he's a catch. Have I just been too hurt to be able to move on? Luckily work has been so busy I haven't really had time to think about it too much.

I leave in a few days so I have already started packing. Mom insisted on paying for my plane ticket to Seattle. "Mom, I have money. You don't need to pay for my ticket. You already do so much!" I argue with her.

"Anastasia Rose Steele, I am your mother and if I want to spoil you I can. Plus, that way you have enough money to buy some new clothes. You may want a new dress since you'll be seeing Christian again." She sounds like a teenager. I think she may have liked Christian more than I did. _Or still do_. Gah! This is frustrating.

"Mom, it's Kate's wedding. I'll be wearing the dress she picked out for me." I roll my eyes at her but she has it her way and takes me shopping. We end up leaving the mall with an entire week's worth of clothing. She bought me seven dresses, three rompers, three new bikinis, four pairs of shoes, and a number of tops and shorts. "These are enough clothes to wear for the entire summer. I don't really need all of this." I don't like her to waste her money on me for things I don't need.

"Anastasia, think of it as my way of thanking you for the past year. That's the last I'll hear of it - no more arguing." I start to smile at her. "What?" she asks me frazzled.

"Nothing, I was just thinking how stubborn you are but then it must be a family trait." She starts to laugh with me.

"Be careful, darling. And, have fun. I love you." My mom hugs me tight. This is the first time I have left her overnight since the accident. Tears begin to well in my eyes as we are standing at the security checkpoint for the departures terminal at Hilton Head airport.

"Oh, Mom. Will you be OK?" I ask her suddenly hesitant to leave her. I don't like the idea of being so far from her when she's alone.

"Anastasia, don't you even think twice about going. I am going to be fine. I'm a grown woman and I have friends if I get lonely. Now, go before you miss your flight."

I give her a bittersweet smile and another quick hug. "OK, I love you, Mom."

I board the plane and before we take off I send a text to Kate.

 ***About to take off. See you soon.***

 ***Be careful! Luv ya!***

I settle in for the flight and break open my copy of Pride and Prejudice. Life seemed so much more simple in The Georgian era. Well, except for Marie Antoinette I suppose. Luckily I sleep for most of the flight and wake just before we land.

* * *

I pick up my suitcase from baggage claim and wait in the pick-up area for Kate. "Ana!" I hear her yell for me and just after I turn around, she envelops me in a huge hug. "Ana, you lost weight! Too much weight but you're tan. You look good with some sun. I missed you."

"Oh, Kate. I missed you too. And it's just from being on my feet all day." I try not to cry. It's been hard without my best friend by me for the past few months. She's the closest thing to a sister I have.

"Hey ladies, now stop that blubbering and let's get out of here before traffic becomes a bitch." Elliot swoops me into a big hug picking me up off the ground.

"Hi, Elliot." I smile at him, happy to be home.

"No southern accent yet. We're just in time." He jokes and I playfully smack him on his arm.

"No, but I do love my sweet tea. I've brought you guys some pralines. Remind me to give them to you back at your place." Kate's brother Ethan is now living in the apartment in Seattle where she and I were supposed to live. So, I will be staying at the house Kate shares with Elliot. It really doesn't matter to me since I wasn't at that place for that long anyway. I barely even unpacked before I left for Georgia.

We get back to the house and I am exhausted from the travel and the time difference so I go right to bed in the spare bedroom. I'm home with my roommate with whom I lived for almost five years but it's all strange to me. I feel like I don't have anywhere I belong.

* * *

We leave for the airport mid-morning. Luckily I am already packed. Since today will be a travel day I am dressed comfortably in jeans, my converse, and a t-shirt. The closer we get to Sea-Tac the more nervous and anxious I get to see Christian. _Maybe this was a big mistake. But it's too late now!_

When we get to the tarmac, we see everyone has already boarded the plane. Taylor and another member of Christian's security who I don't recognize take our bags to load them on the plane. "Good morning, Miss Steele. It's very nice to see you again." Taylor tells me with kind eyes. It gives me a sense of melancholy - he was always so nice to me. The morning I left Christian and he drove me home I was pretty distraught, so much so he gave me his handkerchief. That small gesture of kindness when he didn't have to do anything meant so much to me during a really bad time. I will never forget that.

"It's good to see you too, Taylor. How is Mrs. Jones?"

"She's fine, Miss Steele. I'll tell her you asked about her."

"Thank you, Taylor."

Elliot and Kate board the plane first then I follow. I'm so nervous I feel like I could throw up. Everything in my body is telling me to turn around and get off the plane. I imagine this is how people who are about to bungee jump feel. Kate and Elliot greet the Greys as well as Kate's parents and Ethan. Thank God, Ethan is here.

"Ana! Hi! It's so good to see you! How are you?" Mia gives me a huge hug practically crushing me - she has got to work out. It's a trait she must share with Elliot.

"Mia! Hi. It's good to see you too." I tell her a little flustered.

Before I have a chance to say anything else to Mia, Grace comes up to me. "Anastasia, we are so sorry to hear about your mom and step-father. How is your mom doing?" Grace has always been so kind to me. She has her hand on my shoulder and can tell she genuinely cares.

"She's getting better every day. I was nervous to leave her, though." I confess.

"I can imagine. How are you getting along in Savannah?" The night I met her and told her about Savannah she seemed pretty keen on the area. Right after she asks me I catch Christian looking at me from my peripheral vision.

"It's OK. It's really hot which I could do without." But it is such a beautiful city and my mom lives within walking distance to the beach.

"You look like you've got some sun. It looks wonderful on you."

"Oh, thank you, Dr. Grey."

"Please, call me Grace." She smiles at me kindly. Quickly, before anything else can happen, I try to walk over to Ethan, my safe haven. But before I can get to him I have to pass Christian. _Shit._

"Christian, hello." I nervously twist my fingers together in my hand. And try not to look like a complete idiot.

"Anastasia, hello." He leans in carefully and whispers in my ear, "You look beautiful today." His mouth was so close to my ear I could feel his breath and it makes me shiver. That pull we had so many months ago is still there between us.

Quietly, I whisper, "Thank you." My cheeks heat up as I turn toward Ethan before he wraps his arms around me in a hug.

"So, Steele, what happened between you and Christian here to warrant him shooting me looks that could kill?" I always felt comfortable around Ethan, like he was a brother.

"Nothing. We dated for a little while but realized we're too different. That's all." I try to act cool and nonchalant. I know I can't fool him though.

"It doesn't look like that's all but I'll go along with whatever you say." I sit next to Ethan on the other side of the plane from Christian, almost like Ethan is a human barrier. If I can keep my distance from him for the week it'll be OK. _It'll be OK. I can get through this. I wonder how many times I need to repeat that mantra before I believe it._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 06

 **APOV**

We land at Kona International Airport on the Big Island and I have never seen anything like this. It's stunningly beautiful. The half hour ride to the house goes by so quickly I barely have a chance to enjoy the view quickly passing by us. I still can't believe I am here in Hawaii.

The two SUVs that transported all of us from the airport pull up the stone drive to the bed and breakfast where we will be staying. Kate and Elliot reserved the entire place for the week so it will be like our house in this little slice of paradise.

They will be staying in a separate cottage just about a minute walk from the main house where the rest of us are staying. My room, The Ginger Room, is on the second floor where I have my own balcony and a view of the garden. I put my things in my room and hang up some of my clothes in the closet. It's been a long day of travel so I am very tired but I don't want to be a spoilsport. So, I wash my face and freshen up then I meet everyone in the garden where they are relaxing with drinks by a fire pit.

"Ana! I was beginning to think you went to bed." Mia comes running up to me and takes my hands essentially pulling me towards the group. I take a seat at one of the chairs around the fire and listen to everyone happily gab and share stories. As ever, Elliot and Mia and the scene stealers making everyone laugh with their sibling-rivalry banter.

"Ana." I hear my voice called behind me and when I look over my shoulder Christian is standing there. He takes my breath away even now. How can he look this good after all the travel we did today. I wish I didn't feel for him the way I do. I would make all of this so much easier.

"Hello, Christian." I can't think of anything else to say.

"Would you take a walk with me, please?" He holds his hand out for me to take.

"I don't think…" I start to explain.

"Please - just to talk. That's all. Please, Ana." Christian persists, the sincerity is radiating from his eyes.

"Um, OK. Sure." I reply quietly as I take his hand and he leads me away from everyone and around the house towards the beach. We get to the beach without either of us uttering a word. Walking with him while we hold hands feels so right and nerve-wracking at the same time. I wish he was different. I wish he was capable of more.

"Ana, I want another chance." His voice sounds strained and unsure. I've never heard him sound like that.

"Christian, you said there are no second chances. That was one of your rules."

"I was wrong. I want you back." It takes me a second for what he said to sink in a little bit even though he said as much the last time I met him for dinner.

"Christian, I don't think it's possible anymore. We can't give each other what we need. Too much has happened now to go back and pretend like everything is OK."

"Anastasia…" The sound of his voice breaks my heart. I hate for him to hurt but I can't allow my walls to crumble and for me to be vulnerable.

"Please, Christian, I can't do this. Not right now." My voice cracks and I start to cry even though I tried to keep the tears at bay. "I have to go." I turn around and walk quickly back to the main house and only look behind me when I am sure he is no longer there. Why am I always running away from him? Why does he have this effect on me when no one else does?

I get undressed in the strange, dark bedroom and slip under the covers. That's when I can let the tears fall. Being here, in this beautiful paradise, has only reminded me how much I really do care for Christian. Even after all those months of being in Georgia, nothing diminished regardless of how busy I was and how hard I tried to cut all ties with him. As soon as I saw him, everything came rushing right back to me. I don't know for how long I cry but I eventually fall into a restless sleep.

The next morning I wake to the beautiful view of the garden and beyond that the ocean and sun. I walk out into the kitchen and find Mia and Grace sitting at the table having coffee. "Good morning."

"Good morning, Ana. Would you like some tea?" Grace asks me.

"Yes, please. Where is everyone?"

Grace pours me a cup of tea while Mia explains "The guys all went deep sea fishing and Kate should be down here any minute." As if on cue, Kate comes walking in the door.

"Good morning!" She greets us cheerfully. Then she looks at me and frowns. "Ana, are you OK?"

"Oh, yeah. I didn't sleep well. I think it's just from traveling and stuff."

"Ugh, my dermatologist says traveling is terrible for your skin. Thankfully we can have a spa day to help." Mia unknowingly backs me up and takes the spotlight off me.

"Oh. Well, we have an appointment at the spa for 10 am then I thought we could relax at the beach." Kate gives us the itinerary for the day.

"Yes, that will give me a chance to wear my new bikini." Mia has a body to die for. She's tall and curvaceous in all the right places. She will drive everyone on the beach wild.

Grace and Kate's mom decided to stay back at the inn so it's just Kate, Mia, and me. The driver takes us to The Spa at Kona Beach Hotel. It's a light and airy place already putting me in a relaxed mood. We decide to get body exfoliation and wraps, lomi lomi massages, and facials. Three and a half hours later, we get back into the car feeling like jello.

Mia is leaning her head back and has her eyes closed. "Oh my God. I am so relaxed right now I could just fall asleep."

"No! We're supposed to go to the beach, remember?" Kate protests. Mia just smiles in response.

Kate looks gorgeous with her sun-kissed skin, long blond waves, and her blue and white Tory Burch Regatta bikini, she could be a Victoria's Secret model. Mia has the ability to look sexy and innocent at the same time; and with her in that Kate Spade tropical fruit and floral bikini, this is no exception.

I have to admit I feel a little underwhelming in my Trina Turk Brasilia triangle bikini next to these outgoing and beautiful women. We ride the beach cruisers provided by the inn to Magic Sands Beach. The half hour ride goes quickly and the scenery is truly amazing. The beach is a perfect combination of white sand and black volcanic rocks and luckily it isn't very crowded at all. We lay our blankets down on the sand and relax soaking up the warm sun.

A couple of hours later, we return to the Inn to get ready to go out for dinner and drinks for Kate and Elliot's respective bachelorette and bachelor parties.

Fortunately, Kate, Mia, and I went with an island no-fuss look so it didn't take long for us to get ready. I'm wearing a blackberry colored sleeveless printed romper from Ella Moss and navy high heeled sandals. I have my hair simply pulled back into a ponytail. Kate is wearing a sexy red body-con dress with a notched scoop neck and gold strappy high heeled sandals. Her hair is pinned up loosely with tendrils hanging down.

Mia looks like she stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine with her perfectly fitted Yara dress from Black Halo and purple heels. Elliot, Ethan, and Christian are waiting for us in the main living room. "Whoa! Ana Steele, you look good!" Ethan yells, embarrassing me.

"Um, thanks, Ethan." I can feel my cheeks blushing.

Christian walks up to me and softly says, "Ana, you look stunning."

Quietly, I thank him.

We all pile into the waiting limo as it drives us to Rays on the Beach about 15 minutes away. It's right on the water and the view is impressive. The food here is great - I had mahi-mahi and it was probably one of the best meals I have ever had. We decide to stay here and have a few drinks since their bar is pretty nice and there are a lot of places to sit. I'm on my second Mai tai of the night when Christian approaches me. He looks good enough to eat.

"Ana, I don't like how we've left things. Before you say anything, just hear me out. OK?"

"OK." For once in my life, I don't have a smart remark.

"These past months, I've thought of nothing but you. You have this hold on me and it won't let go. And, I'm not sure I want it to. I want to try again, your way. We'll take it slow… whatever. But I can't let you go."

"Christian, I'm scared. I don't want to get hurt again."

"You said before you loved me. Do you still have feelings for me?"

"Yes, I do." I can't lie to him so I don't even attempt it.

"Good. Let's try again. I know I have a lot to work on but I can't lose you."

"Ana! Christian! It's time to go already!" Mia calls to us from the other side of the bar. I turn to join Mia without answering Christian and we begin the quiet ride home.

I am exhausted so I go straight to my bedroom. As I am getting ready for bed, I notice a box with a bow on my bed. I bet it's from Kate. I told her she didn't have to get me anything. This trip is enough of a gift.

I open the box and it's an iPad. On top of it is a card that reads, _Anastasia, I hope the songs on this adequately express how I feel about you. Yours, Christian._

I open the box like a kid at Christmas. I wake the iPad, take out my earphones, and listen to the music he's already downloaded for me.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 07

 **APOV**

As I play the first song of the playlist, Passenger's Let Her Go, I check out the other songs. They all have a similar theme and it makes my heart swell.

 _Passenger - Let Her Go_

 _Coldplay - The Scientist_

 _Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes_

 _Dierks Bentley - Come A Little Closer_

 _Zayn - Pillow Talk_

 _Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up_

 _Daughtry - It's Not Over_

 _Sam Smith - Stay With Me_

 _Adele - Make You Feel My Love_

 _Rihanna - Stay_

 _Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You_

 _Maxwell - Pretty Wings_

 _Al Green - Tired Of Being Alone_

 _Lady Antebellum - Need You Now_

 _Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are_

 _Colbie Caillat - I Never Told You_

 _Paramore - The Only Exception_

 _John Legend - All Of Me_

 _The Lumineers - Ho Hey_

Is this how he feels about me? Then why was he so closed off towards me? Why didn't he tell me how he felt? I fall asleep hugging the iPad close to me, listening to the songs Christian picked for me.

The following morning is a hurricane of activity as we all get ready for the wedding. Mia, Grace, Kate's mom Diane, me, and, of course, Kate are all getting our hair done, makeup done, and our dresses on. I didn't realize it would take this long to get ready for a wedding and there isn't even that many of us. We've been so busy that not only have I not had a chance to talk to Christian, I haven't even seen him. Part of me still thinks it was just a dream but when I look at the iPad, I am reminded that it wasn't and it makes me smile.

* * *

 **CPOV**

All I can think about is Ana and what she thought of the iPad. I try to stay focused on the fact it's my brother's wedding day, but my mind still goes back to her. I don't think I'll be able to see her until the wedding ceremony and it's making me anxious. I just wish I had an idea of what she thought and how she is feeling. What if she doesn't like it?

It's time for the wedding ceremony outside in the garden. It's a picture-perfect day with the ocean as the picturesque backdrop. Elliot and I are standing at the bamboo arch with flowing white fabric draped from it and orchids in colors of pinks, whites, and oranges hang from it as if they are floating in the air.

"Are you ready?" I ask Elliot, who looks only slightly anxious.

"Absolutely." He responds with a smile so big I think all 32 of his teeth show. The music begins and at the same time Elliot, me, and Ethan stand up straighter looking to the aisle.

Mia walks down the aisle first, wearing a coral-pink one shoulder dress and a hibiscus in her hair. She smiles ecstatically, practically jumping, when she sees Elliot. Then I see her, Anastasia. She is stunningly beautiful in a fuchsia chiffon short strapless dress and fuchsia leather flat t-strap sandals with a pink, orange, and clear crystal brooch adorning the strap. She is perfect even down to her little pink toes. Her hair is pinned up loosely so soft wisps of hair frame her sun-kissed cheeks. The only jewelry she is wearing is a pair of feminine pink and orange stone dangle earrings that just graze the top of her shoulders.

She makes eye contact with me and gives me a shy smile, her cheeks becoming sanguine as she takes her spot next to Mia. That's a good sign, I think. At the end of the aisle, Kate appears on her dad's arm. She is wearing a long white charmeuse dress with a halter neck, lace bodice, and a plunging neckline. The dress was made by her mother no doubt. Her choice of white for the gown is completely erroneous, but it's a tradition I suppose. The ceremony is very nice, luckily short, and it's obvious they love each other very much.

After some pictures, we have the reception dinner al fresco on the inn's covered patio with a Hawaiian buffet. I am starving but I need to talk to Ana before I can do anything else. I bring her a plantation iced tea, "You look thirsty." I can't take my eyes off her.

"Thank you. I was." She looks at me quizzically. "What?"

"You look beautiful, Anastasia." She still isn't able to take compliments and she looks down. When she looks back up at me, her piercing blue eyes stare into mine.

"The songs. Is that how you feel? Truly?" She asks me in a whisper.

I nod gently, "Yes. Do you feel the same?" I hold my breath silently praying her answer is yes.

She gives me a demure smile, "Yes." I can wait no longer and I lean down and give her a tenderhearted kiss. I've waited to do this for the longest time. I've missed the soft feel of her lips and the way her hands caress my face when she returns the kiss.

I look at her, studying her face, I have never been happier than I am right now. "I know we have a lot to talk about but I just got you back. Can we just have fun tonight and talk tomorrow?"

"Let's party." She cheerfully replies. I give her another quick kiss and then we get to the buffet of fresh fish, kalua pork, pulehu short ribs, roasted sweet potatoes, coconut rice, sauteed vegetables, and a green salad.

After we eat Ana is talking to Kate and Mia so I head to the bar for another drink. A few moments later Elliot joins me.

"Congratulations. It's a great reception, and the ceremony was beautiful." I tell him. Nothing could ruin the mood I am in now.

"So, are you and Ana back together?" He smirks at me.

"We're talking. It's complicated."

"No, it's not, Christian. Do you love her? You can admit it to me. I'm your brother."

"Yes, I do."

"Have you told her that? It's obvious she cares very deeply for you."

"No. It's hard for me. But she knows how I feel."

"Have you said those 3 little words to her?"

"Well, no."

"What are you waiting for? Ana is great, tell her. She needs to hear it."

"I don't know. I've never said that to anyone before."

"Have you ever met anyone like Ana? Is there anyone else who makes you feel the way she does?"

"No, definitely not."

"Seriously, Christian. Why the fuck are you waiting? Put your ego or whatever it is that's holding you back aside and tell her. Tell her sooner rather than later or you may just lose her forever. Spend some alone time with her this week. Talk to her. Tell her. Show her how you feel."

"When did the man-whore of Seattle get to be so knowledgeable about this stuff?" I ask him half joking.

"Since I met Kate and she changed my life. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to talk to my wife."

He makes me snicker. But he's absolutely right. I have to tell Ana how I feel. I've felt like this about her since before she left me. I just didn't realize it at the time. It was Dr. Flynn who made me aware of it. I guess the expensive charlatan has earned his exorbitant fees. But one thing is for sure, I can't risk losing her again.

I join the rest of my family at the table where they are eating and drinking. The rest of the night is a blur. The important thing is that Ana was beside me the entire night. After dinner, I walk her up to her room.

"Are you coming in?" She asks, her voice throaty and laced with desire.

I shake my head and smile, "Not tonight. We need to talk first." It takes everything I have in me to not take her into her room. I have to muster all the self-discipline I have honed over the years.

"Oh." She sounds partially shocked and partially disappointed.

I kiss her cheek, "Goodnight, Anastasia."

"Goodnight, Christian." I walk to my room feeling like I am on cloud 9. She's mine and this time I won't let her go.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 08

 **APOV**

The following morning Christian tells me he has an all day date planned for just the two of us. Of course, he won't say anything about it, but his excitement is palpable. After I get changed, I come out into the main living area and am eager to go. In fact, I am so excited I can hardly stay still.

Christian looks incredibly hot wearing worn-in jeans and a fitted black t-shirt that hugs his muscular biceps. I feel underdressed next to him in my shorts and black tank top. "Ana, you look lovely. Are you ready to go?"

We get outside and sitting in the driveway is a black hard-top Jeep Rubicon with all the bells and whistles. I look over at him with a sardonic smile. "What? It's in case we get to some rough terrain." He opens the passenger door for me and helps me in. He has a ridiculous smile on his face, and I think I am mirroring his.

He drives us about 20 minutes north, to Kona Airport. I look at him quizzically and just as I am about to ask him what we are doing, he says adamantly, "No questions. It's a surprise." Then he gives me a seductive wink.

We walk around to what looks like a hangar when we are greeted by a man who appears to be in his 50's with salt-and-pepper hair tied in a ponytail and a goatee. He has vibrant blue eyes and is wearing a Hawaiian-style shirt with cut off shorts. Immediately he reminds me of a more mellow Frank Lapidus from the show Lost. "Mr. Grey, I'm James Mack, but most people just call me Mack. I'll be your pilot today."

"Nice to meet you, Mack. This is my girlfriend, Ana."

"Ana," He says to me in greeting as he shakes my hand. Simultaneously, Christian pulls me closer to him. Jealous Christian is never far away, I suppose.

"Mr. Grey, I understand you are a pilot yourself. We'll be flying in my Robinson R44 over there." He points to a scarlet red helicopter that looks much smaller than Charlie Tango from what I remember.

"Yes, I have a Eurocopter EC135 back in Seattle."

"She must be a joy to fly," Mack replies sincerely.

"She is." Christian turns to look at me and smiles. He looks like a little kid when he smiles like that.

"Are you ready for your tour?"

"Yes, we are." Christian replies right away before I even have a chance to process what is going on or ask any questions.

"OK, let's get in the air then." We get in the helicopter and Christian makes sure I am strapped in properly. It brings me back to the night he took me to Seattle in Charlie Tango. It seems so long ago. I am filled with the same excitement now as I was then.

Christian hands me my cans, and I put them on. "Are you ready, Anastasia?"

"Absolutely" I smile at him giddily.

"OK, we'll be heading southeast to Kilauea volcano first." The flight there is amazing itself, but the volcano is a stunning view. It's almost as if it's not real.

Mack's voice comes through the cans. "Kilauea is the most active volcano in the world and has been continuously flowing for over 30 years."

I must have a look of alarm on my face because Christian laughs a little, "Ana, don't worry, we're safe." I let out a deep breath. Mack dips the helicopter a little so we can get a closer view.

He then takes us north, over the lush and vibrant rainforests, to Hilo. Mack brings us over the rainbow falls. It looks magical - I half expected to see a unicorn. We see the black sand beaches of Hilo Bay, a little further north we are flying along the Hamakua coast and over Akaka falls, one of Hawaii's most iconic waterfalls at over 440 feet tall. We head towards the gold coast and over Kohala mountain. We land back at Kona Airport a few hours after we took off.

Once the rotors stop, Christian takes off my cans and unbuckles my harness. Before he helps me out of the helicopter, he gives me a quick, sweet kiss. Back in the jeep, he asks me, "Care for a dip in the pool at the Inn before dinner?"

"That sounds lovely."

Back at the inn, I change into my Tommy Bahama wild orchid pink Jacobean floral beaded halter bikini and head out to the pool. Christian is already there waiting for me. "Where is everyone else?"

He gives me a big playboy smile. "They went on a brewery tour and won't be back until sometime after dinner." I get into the pool, and he takes me in his arms. He kisses me desperately and runs his hands through my hair then down my body. I want him; it's been all these months since I've been with him and I am losing control. He goes to untie my bikini top.

I stop. I can't go further. "Christian."

"Yeah, baby?"

"I love you, and I want you - so, so badly. But, I think we should take it slow. So we know what we're feeling is real, not that we're just swept up in everything."

"OK."

"OK?" I didn't expect him to agree so quickly.

"Yes, we can take it slow. We can take it as slow as you want."

I'm in my room getting ready for dinner and am nervous. This feels like a first date or something, like the first time I went to Escala. I put on a short black dress that twists in the front at my neck and has a delicate open scalloped lace back. I think it's the perfect combination of sexy and classy. I pair it with my black Steve Madden strappy high heeled sandals. The humidity here has my already thick hair a little crazy, so I pin it up to keep it out of the way.

I walk out into the living room, and Christian isn't there. As I wait, I make sure I have everything I need in my purse. "My God." I hear Christian say and I turn to see him.

He really should have been a model. He's wearing a bespoke gray suit with a white button up shirt and no tie. He looks like the CEO he is but with a devil-may-care attitude. How does he manage to look so calm and confident when I have such butterflies in my stomach?

"You are beautiful, Anastasia. Just stunning." He makes me blush. He reaches his hand out to me. "Are you ready?"

"Yes. You look very… handsome, Christian." He gives me a crooked smile, and we walk out to the waiting jeep.

"You're driving us tonight?" I am surprised.

"I thought we could use the privacy." He is right. I don't know if I could ever get used to having someone always within earshot of my conversations.

We pull up to the valet at the Four Seasons Resort Hualālai. Christian opens my door for me and helps me out. Then, he gives the keys to the valet. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him flash the young valet a dirty look when he catches him checking me out.

We get to Ulu Ocean Grill, and the hostess seats us immediately. We both have the Charred Hawaiian Hapu'upu'u, which is divine, and a crisp, refreshing sauvignon blanc. Christian asks me if I want dessert, but I am full, not entirely sure if it's from the meal or just from nervousness.

After dinner, Christian gives the valet an obscenely large tip and helps me into the jeep. He drives us along the coast and stops to park at the beach. "Take a walk with me?" He asks.

I smile at him. "Sure." We get to the beach, and I stop to take off my shoes. We are walking along the shore hand in hand.

"Ana, I know you have reservations about us. And, I don't blame you. But, I want you to know you leaving me has changed me forever. It wasn't until then I realized how I actually feel about you and I will do anything to be with you, including giving up my red room forever. I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about you."

"Christian…"

"No, let me finish. I need to tell you. Anastasia, I love you. I think I have loved you since the day I met you at Grey House. I want to be the person you need and want. I want you back, I want another chance."

"Did you just…?" Did I hear that correctly? _No_. _No way_. I must be imagining this. "You love me?" I hold my breath, half expecting him to tell me he was joking or I somehow misheard him.

"Yes. I love you. You mean everything to me. Nothing matters to me but you." I walk up to him and affectionately hold his face in my hands.

"Christian Grey, I love you." He gets a weak smile on his face and leans down to kiss me. I don't know how long we stand there and kiss, but when we stop, my lips feel swollen from his powerful and strong lips.

A cool breeze from the water gives me a chill. He rubs my arms. "You're getting cold. Let's get you home."

When we get back to the Inn, everything is dark and quiet. Thankfully, everyone must have turned in early. He walks me to my room and hands me my shoes.

"Thank you, Anastasia. Tonight was - the best." He whispers to me.

"I should be thanking you," I whisper back. He leans down to give me a gentle good night kiss. I deepen the kiss and run my hands through his hair. Deep in his throat, I hear him groan. Then, I press my body against his and pull him to me. I want him. I want to make love to Christian. I can feel he wants the same thing.

"Christian, stay with me tonight," I whisper my plea urgently.

"Are you sure?" He asks me, his eyes studying my face for a clue.

"I have never been surer of anything. Make love to me Christian."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 09

 **CPOV**

The rest of the trip is simply the best of my life. I feel renewed and like an entirely different person now that Ana and I are back together. We went to the beach, snorkeling, hiking to lava flows and behind waterfalls, and just enjoyed each other's company here in general. I don't think I smiled so much in my entire life as much as I have with Ana.

It's Friday; the flight back home is uneventful and quiet, I think because Kate and Elliot aren't here and everyone else is exhausted.

"Stay with me," I say to my sleeping beauty.

"Hmm?" she asks, not even opening her eyes.

I lean down and kiss her adorable little button nose. "Stay with me this weekend. You can use the jet to fly home Sunday." Even I can hear the pleading in my voice, but I don't care. I can't get enough of Ana.

She stretches, and her eyes are open and more awake. "I guess I can do that. I don't have to be at work until Monday afternoon, but I will need to be back on Sunday evening. I'll call my mom then and let her know, so she doesn't worry." As if she senses my timorousness, she gives me a bright, reassuring smile.

When we get back to Escala, Ana stops in the foyer with a despondent look on her face. She doesn't move and stands there stock-still. Instantly I am worried. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"The last time I was in here, was when I left you." She looks down and slowly shakes her head as if she is trying to erase the memory. I place my finger under her chin and lift her face so I can look into her beautiful blue eyes.

"That's in the past. I have you now, and that's all that matters. Now we can fill this place with happy memories. I love you, Anastasia Steele." I reassure her. This time will be different.

Strangely, Gail is on duty and greets us as we enter the apartment, "Mr. Grey, Miss Steele, welcome home. I hope the wedding was beautiful." She asks as she takes my jacket and Ana's hoodie. "Dinner should be ready in a few minutes. Shall I call you when it's time?" If I didn't know better, I would think Gail was expecting Ana to be with me. But when did Taylor have the chance to call her? He was with us and in ear shot the entire trip home.

"Thank you, Gail. That would be great." She gives me a sympathetic smile before she goes to hang up my jacket and Ana's hoodie. We get into my bedroom, and I have Ana sit down on the bed. Carefully I remove her Converse and socks and begin to rub her feet.

"That feels nice," Ana says with her eyes closed as she leans back a little bit. I smile thinking how I would never have thought to do this with anyone else unless it was aftercare for a sub. And then, I did it mostly out of duty, not because I wanted to. I gently put her feet down and sit behind her on the bed. I turn her slightly so her back is facing me more. Her eyes are still closed. I can tell how tired she is just from her body language.

"Here, put your head down," I instruct as I brush some of her hair that has fallen out of her ponytail off her back and shoulders.

She does as she is told and I begin to slowly knead her neck, back, and shoulders. "Your shoulders and neck feel very tight."

"I think I slept funny on the plane. My neck is a little sore," Ana tells me matter-of-factly. I lean forward and kiss the back of her neck like a parent who kisses his child's boo-boo away. I reach over to the nightstand and get the arnica cream.

"Here, this should help." I begin to massage it into her neck and shoulders. "Maybe after dinner, we can take a bath. That should help too."

"That sounds fantastic." She answers wistfully.

"Mr. Grey, dinner is ready whenever you are." Gail's disembodied voice announces over the house phone in my room. Dinner was great, roasted free-range chicken with sauteed vegetables. It was nice to have a quiet dinner at home with Ana - it felt natural. We talked just as I'd imagine other couples do at dinner. Mostly, we reminisced about the past week.

The rest of the weekend goes by so quickly that before I know it, I am kissing her goodbye in front of my jet. I'm tempted to hop on and go with her to Savannah. "Call me as soon as you land so I know you're safe."

"I will. I miss you already." She tells me as I hold her in my arms. I don't want to let her go. I just got her back, and now she's going to live a couple of thousand miles away again.

"I will see you on the weekend. It's the perk of having your own jet." I promise her. If I am honest with myself, I am also nervous about her being around different men at the restaurant. There is probably going to be some drunk asshole who thinks he can have his way with her - like the photographer. Ana is too trusting of people when she shouldn't be. It worries me and I am too far away to protect her like I should.

* * *

The week drags on, and all I can concentrate on is Anastasia. We talk on the phone a couple of times, but with her schedule and the time difference, it's difficult, so most of our conversations have been via text.

Finally, it's Friday afternoon, and since I don't have any more meetings today, I decide to head to Georgia now hoping for a little extra time with my girl. This time, I'll take my newer CPO, Sawyer, so that Taylor can have some time with Gail and his daughter.

I'm in Savannah and pulling up to Ana's mom's house by the evening. Before I can even shut the car off Ana is out the door and running excitedly to me. We have the whole weekend together since she worked doubles all week to be able to have the weekend off. She hugs me tight and doesn't let go for what seems like an eternity.

After she hugs me, I lean down to kiss her. It's been four full days since I've felt her soft lips against mine. "Hi." She greets me sweetly after we kiss.

"Hi." I smile back at her. "I missed you."

She looks down at my hard on and sardonically raises her eyebrow. "I can tell."

I laugh. "What do you expect? The sexiest woman I know has been all the way across the country from me for almost an entire week." I lean in and take her bottom lip gently between my teeth and give her a playful bite.

"Down boy!" She laughs and playfully slaps my shoulder. "My mom is waiting inside." She takes my hand and drags me into the house behind her.

"Christian! It's so good to see you again. I'm glad you and my beautiful daughter here are back together." If any other person said that to me, I would think they are being sarcastic, but I can tell Ana's mom is sincere.

"Mrs. Adams, it's good to see you again. How are you doing?"

"Please, call me Carla. I'm hanging in there but better every day. It's been a very tough year; Ana here has been my lifesaver. But I'm glad she started to have a life of her own. She's a ray of sunshine and deserves her own happiness." Carla beams proudly at her daughter.

"That she is, Carla." I look at Ana, and she blushes under my gaze.

"Well, listen, I put out something light to eat since I wasn't sure if you had dinner. I am going into the other room to watch a Lifetime movie - they are my guilty pleasure. I'll see you guys in the morning." Carla isn't very good at being inconspicuous, but I don't care since I am glad to have this alone time with Ana.

Ana rolls her eyes, not buying her mother's excuse either. "Good night, Mom." Carla disappears down the hall and into her room. Ana and I are left in the welcoming living room of her mother's two-story house with large windows, a welcoming wraparound porch, and a back lawn with a path that leads to the beach.

"Well, Miss Steele, where were we?"

"Are you hungry?" Ana asks me, and she sounds a little nervous.

"Not for food, Ana." She blushes once more but doesn't move away when I kiss her.

She grabs my hand and starts leading me up the stairs. "Come on." She's breathless and practically running. She opens the door to what must be her bedroom and allows me in first. Locking the door behind her, she walks up to me, so she is standing just inches from me. "Where were we, Mr. Grey?"

"I was just going to get a snack." I tease her and turn to look like I am going to walk out of the room.

"Oh, no you don't, Mister." She yanks my arm, so I am in front of her once again.

"Miss Steele, did you have something else in mind?" I tease.

She looks up at me with enormous innocent eyes and nods yes. I can't continue to play this game anymore. I need her too badly. Suddenly I pick her up and lay her down on her bed. Lying on top of her I nip her earlobe and trail kisses down her neck. Then I scoot down, lift up her t-shirt to expose her soft stomach, and kiss her from her navel to her bra. She lets out a slight moan of pleasure when I begin to kiss the full swell of her breasts.

I push her t-shirt up her body, and she lifts her head to allow me to take it off. Before she places her head down on the pillow, I reach behind her and remove her bra. Ana is beneath me and naked from the waist up. I stare down at her remarkable body. "God, Ana. Do you know how perfect you are?" I take off her jeans, so she is only wearing black lace panties that perfectly hug her. Languidly I move down her body, worshiping her.

"Christian, I want you." She breathes.

"Tell me, Ana. What do you want?" I tease her as I kiss the inside of her thighs.

"I want you inside me. I need you." That is all I need to hear. I stand up and slip my shoes off. Then I unbutton my shirt and slide it off my shoulders as I pull my jeans and boxer briefs down at the same time.

Ana looks at me with a salacious smile, and subconsciously, I think, wiggles her body as if she's telling me to come to her. I mirror her smile and sink down into her, kissing her once more, starting at her legs. She groans and I'm not sure if it's desire or frustration, but I want to take my time. I want to love every inch of her.

When I have had my fill, I move up her body and kiss her while I spread her legs further apart with mine, so I position myself in between them. "Are you sure?" I ask her, suddenly nervous that I am rushing her into something for which she isn't ready.

"Oh my God, Christian. You're killing me!" Her response makes me smile, and I kiss her once more this time while I skillfully remove her panties. Moments later, I am inside her but not moving just yet. I take a moment to relish the feeling of being in my favorite place.

"I love you, Ana." I profess and begin to move.

"I love you, too Christian."

* * *

The following morning we are both awake but unwilling to get out of bed. "I don't want you to go tomorrow, Christian. I'll miss you too much."

"Don't worry; I'll come back next weekend," I promise her. I would fly around the world if it meant I got to hold her in my arms for even five minutes.

"Christian, you can't keep doing that. You have GEH to consider, and it doesn't make sense to fly the jet back and forth like that." Her voice has turned gloomy.

"Ana, move back to Seattle, please," I beg her. I don't want to be apart from her anymore.

"Christian, I can't. I can't leave my mom. She'll be all alone here."

"But your friends are in Seattle, and you will be closer to Ray."

"I know. I want to. But my mom has been through so much. She's lost so much. I can't do that to her."

"I know, baby. It's because you are a wonderful and caring person. It's one of the reasons why I love you."

"One of the reasons?" She asks me, trying to sound serious. "What are the others, pray tell?"

"Well, you're a pretty good fuck," I answer dryly.

She squeals and sitting up, smacks my shoulder. "You're so crude! I was trying to be romantic."

"Oh, you want it to be romantic? How about, making love to you is like walking through a meadow of wildflowers in heaven." I can't hide my laugh anymore.

Before we can do anything else, her cell phone begins to ring. "Hello? Hey, John. Yeah, I'm up, why? Really? No one else is available? No, I can do it for a couple of hours. I'll see you soon."

"What's wrong?" I ask her although I'm pretty sure I know the answer.

"One of the other waitresses at work is sick, and John can't get anyone else to come in until later in the afternoon so he asked if I could work a couple of hours."

"What time?"

"He asked me to come in from 12 to 2. I'm sorry, Christian. This ruins everything." She is genuinely upset.

"Anastasia, it's perfectly fine. I need to check into work for a little bit anyway. Is it OK if I stay here while you are gone?"

"Of course, as long as you don't mind my mom being here."

Ana left for work, and it's just her mom and I. I have my laptop open as I sit at the breakfast bar checking emails.

"Christian, can I get you some sweet tea?" She asks me.

"Oh, um, sure, Mrs. Adams. Thank you." I'm not used to having someone's mother around me like this, and I feel a bit awkward.

She hands me the glass of tea, "Christian, please, call me Carla." It is so obvious Anastasia is her daughter. It has always surprised me how similar Ana is to Ray, but she looks just like her mother.

"Thank you, Carla." She smiles kindly at me, and I can see that Ana has her smile.

"I'm glad you and Ana are back together. I could tell the first time you came to visit her here that you had an extraordinary bond. You don't get a chance like that very often."

"I'm glad too, Carla. I love Anastasia so much I can't imagine my life without her." I confess to her. After all, if I plan on being with Ana for the foreseeable future, I might as well develop some sort of relationship with her mom.

"Good. So is she planning to move back to Seattle now?"

"No. Not now, anyway." I can't help keeping the disappointment out of my voice.

"She should. She'd be happier there. I love having her with me here, but she belongs in Washington with you and her friends. Her life is in Seattle. It's not here. She isn't truly happy here."

"To be honest, Carla. She doesn't want to leave you alone." At this point, why the hell should I lie?

"My daughter, always worrying about other people before herself. I try to tell her I will be all right but she frets too much. Do you want her to move back to Seattle?"

"I want that more than anything. I know it hasn't been that long, but I hate being so far from her."

"Well, listen. I've been discussing something with my sister, Ana's Aunt Donna, who lives in Portland. I think it might just be what everyone needs. Leave it up to me. I want my daughter to have her happiness, and I know that is with you. What do you think?"

" I think I like that idea very much." I am immediately comforted by the fact that Carla is on the same page as I am.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **APOV**

Christian left to go back to Seattle this morning and I miss him already. I hate that I can't see him whenever I want to. But, all I can do is hope that everything will work out for us.

Work this week has been hectic since tourist season has definitely picked up and a couple of ghost hunting shows featured Moon River on them so, in addition to regular tourists, we are also getting paranormal fans. It's been exhausting especially with a majority of our patrons asking the staff if we've had any experiences.

I can't get off work this weekend so Christian isn't coming to visit me. I completely understand but I still miss him. "Anastasia, sweetheart, you seem so sad." My mom says to me as she hands me a cup of tea as we sit at the kitchen island watching the morning news.

"I'm OK, Mom. How is Aunt Donna?" Mom just got off the phone with her older sister and my favorite aunt who lives in Portland.

"Actually, I have something I wanted to talk to you about." She sounds hesitant which immediately makes me nervous.

"OK. Shoot." I shrug. What could be such a big deal, right?

"Well, you know how you Aunt Donna just got divorced from your Uncle Rick?"

"Yeah…" _Where is she going with this?_

"She and I were talking, and, she's all alone in that huge house of hers and this place just isn't home to me. It was my home with Bob, but now it has too many memories of him. Aunt Donna asked if I would move in with her. And, I told her I would."

"You want to move to Portland? When?"

"As soon as possible. I talked to a real estate agent and he said it is possible to sell the house even if I am not living here. I can have someone take care of it until it sells. What do you think, sweetie?" I'm in shock. I didn't imagine my mom would want to move from here and second, I didn't think she would ask my permission since this isn't my place.

"Oh, Mama, I just want you to be happy. This past year has been so hard for you."

"Anastasia, I know it wasn't the easiest for you either. You put your entire life on hold for me, and I will always be thankful. But, we both need to move on. You can't live with your mother forever."

"I guess we both need to grow up, huh?" I say to her laughing. This is good for both of us. I've missed being close to friends and family, especially Christian, now.

* * *

Two weeks later, Mom and I pack up the last of the belongings into the moving truck and send it on its way ahead of us. We are making our way to Portland in mom's car so she has one with her when she gets there. Mom sits in the driver's seat of her BMW X5 and before she turns the key to start the ignition she says to me, "Well, Portland or bust!" From there We leave Savannah behind for the new chapter of our lives.

The first day, we make it all the way to Kansas City. It's a long 16 hours of driving but luckily it isn't too bad since we are taking turns at the wheel and are singing along to the radio like a bunch of kids. Both exhausted and hungry, we pull into the parking lot of the Sheraton where we will be spending the night. I'm so tired, I don't even feel like eating. We check into our room and decide to just call room service. After the long day of driving a hot shower I just had, and comfortable pajamas I am wearing feel like heaven as I eat my burger.

The next day, we're up and hit the road early. Luckily, Mom's BMW is nice to drive and the eleven-hour drive to Rawlins, Wyoming isn't as bad as it could be. Tonight, our home is a Best Western. This drive has been pretty interesting since I have never been to this part of the country. If we had more time, there are famous hot springs not too far away. It would be nice to visit those but I think we are both eager to get to our destination so we just have dinner and try to get some sleep in preparation for what is hopefully our last day of driving.

It's Thursday and we have already been driving eight hours and are only in Boise, Idaho. We still have seven more hours to go. Mom is driving and looks over to me, "Do you want to stop for the night, Ana?"

"Actually, Mom, if it's OK with you, I'd rather just keep going until we get to Aunt Donna's," I confess as I stretch my legs in the seat a little.

"I was hoping you would say that. I'm eager to get there too." It's after midnight by the time we pull into Aunt Donna's driveway. "Finally, we made it." By 1 am I am settling into the comfortable bed in my aunt's guest bedroom. I text Christian to let him know we made it safely here, and close my eyes. Christian was originally upset we didn't want to take his jet here but Mom wanted to keep her car and thought it would be a good bonding trip for just the two of us. Mr. Always-in-control did not like the fact we didn't plan our stops ahead of time and was nervous for the entire three days. Hopefully, he is asleep and will get this when he wakes in the morning. But, just as I was about to fall asleep I hear the chirp of an incoming text on my phone. 

***Good. I was worried.***

 ***I know. I love you.***

 ***Love you too, baby. Goodnight.***

* * *

By Saturday morning, Mom is all settled and Christian is flying Charlie Tango down from Seattle to pick me up. I told him driving is fine but he said he wants to spend as much time as possible with me.

Now it's Saturday evening and I am sitting in the great room of Christian's apartment. He walks up to me slowly handing me a glass of sauvignon blanc. "Are you sure you have to leave Monday to see Ray?"

"I promised him. I haven't seen him for months and it's only for a couple of days. Surely, you can handle that?" I smirk at him. He is so easy to tease.

He slowly shakes his head. "I don't think I can. I may just explode." He tries to act serious but he can't hide the corners of his mouth rising to a subtle smile.

"Well, we wouldn't want that to happen, now would we?" There is a wicked gleam in his stormy gray eyes and I know exactly what he's thinking. _And, it's hot._

With a low, husky voice he tells me, "finish your wine, Anastasia." _Holy fuck_. He is so sexy my knees feel weak.

"Um… suddenly, I'm not thirsty." I squeak out. He smiles sinfully and takes the glass out of my hand placing it on the table next to us.

"Then, Miss Steele, I do believe we have business to attend to in the other room."

* * *

"Annie!" Ray shouts to me as he runs out the door of my childhood home to greet me.

"Dad! I've missed you!" I tell him as he hugs me in his strong, protective arms.

"Come on in, kiddo. I got some pizza for dinner." Ray puts his arms around my shoulders and we walk into the house. "Ham and pineapple your favorite. I got pepperoni for your dear old dad. Fruit doesn't belong on pizza. That's definitely your mother's genes speaking." Ray laughs.

We spend the evening eating pizza, drinking Yuengling lager, and watching Clint Eastwood movies - all of Ray's favorites. It's great to be at home with Ray again where everything is so simple. To say my life has been a little complicated recently is an understatement.

The following morning, Dad and I are eating burned toast and runny eggs - cooking is not his specialty. "So, Annie, your mother told me you and Christian are back together."

"That didn't take her long." I muse.

He smiles at me. "She was excited for you." I smile back at him.

"I know he hurt you somehow. Are you sure he feels the same about you as you do him?" He asks me very much the protective father.

"Oh, Dad, yes, I am sure."

"Pumpkin, as long as you say so, I believe you. But, if he hurts you in any way, he will have to answer to me." He is so serious that it makes me giggle a little bit.

"Good thing I never had a prom date. He would have really been in trouble." Both Ray and I break into laughter and it feels like home. I've missed this. Suddenly my phone rings. "That's probably Christian. He worries about me."

When I look down, I don't recognize the number. I almost let the call go to voicemail but something tells me to answer it. "Hello?"

"Anastasia Steele?"

"Yes, who is speaking?"

"This is Janelle Miller, the Human Resources Manager at SIP. I know this may seem strange, however, you interviewed for an Editorial Assistant at SIP about a year ago."

"Yes." Where is this going?

"The management team was very impressed with you. And, I know this may seem unorthodox, but we were wondering if you would be available for another position we have open."

"Another position?"

"Yes, it's an assistant position like you interviewed for then but for a different editor. It's yours if you want it."

"Mine? Just like that?"

"Yes, like I said, you made a wonderful impression on all the management at SIP during your interview."

"When would you need me to start?"

"I know it's short notice but would you be available to start next Wednesday?"

"Wednesday, a week from tomorrow?" She laughs slightly.

"Exactly. What do you say?"

"Well, I say, what time should I be there?"

"That's wonderful news. Come to SIP at 8:30 a.m. and ask for me."

"Thank you. I'll see you Wednesday morning." I hang up the phone and look at Ray smiling from ear to ear.

"Well, kiddo. Who was that?"

"It was SIP. They've offered me a job."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

**APOV**

"Ana, is everything OK? What's wrong?" Christian doesn't even say hello when he answers his phone. I should have guessed he would think the worst thing.

"Everything is fine, Christian. In fact, it's wonderful. I'm on my way home now. I got a job in Seattle!" I didn't think things would start to come together so quickly.

"Oh, baby. That's wonderful. Where?"

"SIP. They called me because they had an opening and were impressed with me from the first time I interviewed. They just gave me the job. Isn't that great?" I can't believe this is happening. Everything is getting so much better. Mom is OK and happy in Portland, and I am back in Seattle with my friends and Christian - and now I have the job I've always wanted. I feel like I am on Cloud 9 and nothing can ruin this.

"When you get home we'll need to celebrate. When do you start?" Christian asks me.

"I'm on my way home now. They want me to start next Wednesday."

"Wednesday, already? That's quick." he sounds surprised and a bit disappointed. It would have been nice to have a little time to spend with just him, but now I don't have to worry about getting a job or anything, which is nice since I don't have much money stashed away in my savings.

"I have a week to get everything straightened out. It doesn't leave a whole lot of time to find an apartment and a car, but this is good. I need a job." I'm starting to get nervous as the list of everything I need to do runs through my head.

"Drive carefully, baby. I'll see you at home soon."

"OK, see you soon."

I get to Christian's in the late afternoon. He walks up to me and gives me a sweet kiss "Welcome home, Ana. I missed you." I love being in his arms and that I will now be living in the same city as he is.

"Christian it was only a couple of days!" I act like he is strange, but secretly I like the fact he misses me when I am away.

"And your point is? Are you hungry? Gail is making shrimp scampi for dinner." I guess since I haven't been around for a couple of days he needs to make sure I am fed, although, I can assure him Ray ensured I was not going hungry.

"That sounds good." The shrimp scampi is indeed delicious. Along with the fresh angel hair pasta and grilled romaine salad, I'm stuffed.

I get up from the breakfast bar and grab my purse. "Where are you going?" Christian asks me apparently confused.

"I'm going back to Kate and Elliot's. Kate said I could stay with them until I find my own place." I'm somewhat confused by his reaction. Where else would I go, especially since I don't have anything here with me?

"Why don't you just stay here with me until you find a place?" This is going to be an awkward conversation.

"Christian, I love you, but we just got back together. I don't want to do anything too fast and mess things up. What if it takes me a couple of weeks to find a place?"

"Ana, you staying here can't mess anything up between us no matter how long it takes you to find a place." He is adamant.

"That is very sweet, and I love staying with you on the weekends, but I don't want to move too quickly. Is that OK?" I feel like I am talking to a small animal or something and don't want to make any big moves to spook him.

He looks like a little kid who was told he's not allowed an ice cream cone. "I guess so."

I try to make up for hurting his feelings and walk up to him and give him a passionate kiss taking him by surprise. "I love you, Christian Grey. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"I hate it when you don't listen to me. You infuriate me, but I love you more than anything, Anastasia Steele."

"I know. Laters, baby." He laughs and shakes his head. I leave his penthouse and get into the rental car and drive over to Kate and Elliot's house. They have a guest suite in their home, so I get my own room, bathroom, and living room area. The only thing I don't have is my a kitchen. Elliot helps me bring my boxes into the house, so they aren't sitting in the car overnight. I'm not going to unpack them because I am hoping to find a place sooner rather than later. Luckily, I don't have many things, to begin with.

The following day I'm up early and out the door looking for apartments. I don't even know how many apartments I looked at here, but for most of them, the rent is almost double what it costs in Savannah. I never realized how much of a break on rent Kate's parents gave me when we were in school. I paid a fraction of what I should have.

My job is a great opportunity, but I am pretty much the low-woman-on-the-totem-pole. The salary isn't great to start, but it has plenty of potential for growth. As I am driving back to Kate's house, I feel so defeated. My choices are to get two jobs, get a roommate, or live a half hour away. On top of the rent prices, I still have to buy a car. I vow when I get home to get online and look for a part-time job I can do in the evenings and on the weekends. I decide to save looking at cars for another day - I can't handle all that disappointment today. But I know I can't wait too long and continue to pay for the rental.

I get to Christian's place, and once he sees me, he knows something isn't right. "Baby, what's wrong?" He looks at me, worried.

"Oh, I'm just frustrated and feel overwhelmed. I never realized how spoiled I really was when I lived with Kate during school." His eyebrows are knit together, trying to make sense of what I said. So, I expand. "I checked out apartments and with the salary, I am going to make, there aren't many places I can afford. I'm going to have to get a second job." As I tell him and the realization becomes true, I can feel myself begin to cry. I try and will myself to hold it together. I'm just feeling emotional due to all that's gone on over the past few days.

"You know, Anastasia. You can live here, with me. It's not like I don't have the room." He suggests to me.

"Christian, I love you. And, I appreciate the offer, but like I said yesterday, I think we should still take it slow. We just got back together. I don't want to ruin what we have by moving too quickly and moving in with you."

He looks hurt but quickly recovers. "Then I have a compromise. I own an apartment in Escala, here, that isn't being used. You could stay there." He tells me as if it's a done deal and makes perfect sense.

"I can't do that. It's too much. If I can't afford a regular apartment, I won't be able to afford the rent here." I tell him slowly and calmly trying to get him to see some reason.

"Anastasia, it's a one-bedroom apartment that I've owned for a few years now. It's completely furnished but empty and not being used. At least take a look at it before you turn down the offer." Now he definitely sounds frustrated.

We ride the elevator down to the fifth floor and the doors open to a small vestibule with three doors. Christian leads me to the door straight ahead, pulls out a key from his pocket and unlocks the door.

We walk into a small entryway. "There's a powder room here." He opens the door to my left but keeps walking. I pause momentarily just to peek inside. We walk past what looks like a couple of closets to a well-appointed kitchen and dining area. It has everything you could want as a cook already there. It must be a dream to cook and bake in.

Past that is a spacious living room with a fireplace and windows overlooking the city. To the left is a roomy balcony with a table and seating. The next room he leads me into is the master bedroom, furnished with a modern dark wood bed and dressers and a large flat-screen tv mounted to the opposite wall.

Connected to the bedroom is the main bathroom with a marble double-sink, a large soaking tub, and a separate shower done in a light bluish-gray glass tile. It's clean and lavish with soft fluffy bath towels hanging on heated towel racks attached to the walls. The warm towels are in direct contrast with the cold hard marble I glide my fingers slowly over.

"Christian, this apartment is fantastic, but I could never be able to pay you for what it's worth. It wouldn't be right." I don't want to take advantage of him. I'm not looking for a sugar daddy.

"Anastasia, I bought this a few years ago, and it lies empty. It's not doing anyone any good sitting here like this. I don't need the money; you know that. Let me help you. For once, please don't fight me on this." He urges me.

I look up at him, his face serious, as he walks toward me. "Christian, I love you. Thank you for taking care of me." I pause to gather my thoughts. " OK, you have a deal. But I do wish you would let me pay you something."

He rolls his eyes at me. "Ana, if you won't live with me the next best thing to know is you are safe in this building. That's all I need. That's it." He caresses my cheek softly with the back of his hand. "Please, just say yes. Tell me that you'll let me do this one thing for you, you stubborn, beautiful girl."

I look into his eyes, and I don't think I could love him any more than I do right now. I nod to him, letting him know I'll let him do this for me.

"It's about fucking time." He mutters, and I'm not entirely sure if I was supposed to hear that. But it is nice to know he cares about me like this.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

**APOV**

I look at myself in the full-length mirror in my bedroom. This is the third outfit I've tried on and nothing looks good on me. My clothes are so boring I look like a woman twice my age, maybe even three times my age. I'm nervous but there isn't anything I can do about it now. I make a mental note to buy some better clothes with my first paycheck. For now, the black slacks, blue silk blouse, and black flats will have to do.

Christian is giving me a ride to work since I had to return the rental car and haven't had a chance, or the money, to get a new one. I refuse to say anything to Christian because I know if I do he'll give me another A3. And, while the car was very nice, I don't want him to buy me such expensive gifts when I can't repay him. He tells me it's ok because he has a lot of money and wants to spend it on me but I still don't like the idea of it. I want to do this on my own. I want to prove to myself that I can do this. Of course, he is helping me out greatly with the apartment so I suppose I'm not doing this on my own anyway. I love the man but sometimes I wish he was just normal.

I'm just locking the front door of my apartment when the elevator dings and Christian walks out to get me. "Good morning, beautiful. Are you ready for your first day?" He asks me after he gives me a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah, I think so," I tell him anxiously.

"Baby, don't be nervous. They are going to love you and you'll be great. Come on, Taylor is waiting for us in the car."

I get to SIP and walk to the receptionist at the front desk. She's the one that was here when I had my interview. "Good morning." She cheerfully greets me.

"Hi, um, I'm Ana Steele here for Janelle Miller." Suddenly my mouth is dry and my stomach is doing flip flops.

"Ana, welcome. Janelle is waiting for you. Let me show you around. I'm Claire." Claire shows me around the office. It has a cool, old-warehouse vibe to it with exposed brick walls and industrial-looking ceilings that have the pipes and other things visible. Finally, the last office she brings me too is small but bright and cheery. A well put together blonde woman stands by the desk and walks over to greet us.

"Welcome to SIP, Ana. I'm Janelle. I replaced Elizabeth Morgan who you originally interviewed with. So, Claire has shown you around the office. Did you find everything ok?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Good. I just have some paperwork here for you to complete and then I can show you to your desk and have you meet your editor, Rachel Robinson."

"Oh, OK."

"Have a seat here at the table and make yourself comfortable. Did you bring your ID's for the I-9 form?" She asks me as she gathers some papers on her desk.

"Yes." I dig my wallet out of my purse and take out my driver's license and social security card which I hand to Rachel.

"Great. I'll go make a copy of these. Why don't you get started on the forms? I'll be back in just a couple of minutes." I've forgotten how many forms are needed to complete when you start a new job. My hand is going to ache after all this. I start on the forms and am done with the first couple by the time Janelle comes back. "Do you have any questions so far?" She asks me.

"Actually, I do. I don't have a bank set up yet in Seattle. Is it OK if I take the direct deposit form home with me to complete? I plan on going to the bank after work to open an account."

"Absolutely, that's no problem at all. If you haven't decided on a bank yet, all employees of SIP get specials at Umpqua Bank." She hands me a brochure.

"Oh, cool. Thanks. I wasn't sure where to go." I finish the paperwork and Janelle takes me to Rachel.

"Ana, are you finished with the paperwork?" Rachel asks.

"She's all yours, Rachel," Janelle tells her and she leaves to go back to her office.

"Great! Now that you have finished all the boring paperwork, we can get onto the fun stuff." Rachel smiles at me warmly. She shows me my desk, our drive on the SIP system, my email along with her shared calendar. Then she shows me where the manuscripts are kept. Then Rachel goes through her schedule with me to give me an idea of what a day will be like. She's a very good teacher and is extremely patient, which I appreciate. This takes us to lunch time.

"Great job so far, Ana. Why don't you take lunch? Then, unfortunately, I'll be in a meeting that is going to take up most of the afternoon if not all of it. So, I'll leave you with some materials about SIP and a new manuscript to read. Then, tomorrow morning we can talk about any questions you may have. Is that ok?"

"Sure. Thanks for everything today, Rachel. I'll see you tomorrow."

I get up from my desk, gather my purse and head to the lobby to get some lunch. "Hi, Ana!"

"Oh, hi Claire!" I like her immediately, she seems friendly and is welcoming.

"Are you headed to lunch?" She asks me as she gathers her purse.

"Yeah, I think. But I don't know what's good around here."

"Well, if you want, you can come with me to lunch. I know this great cafe around the corner and their Asian-style cobb salad is to die for."

"That sounds great! Thanks!" We head out the lobby and chat happily on the walk about two blocks away to the cafe. Luckily, it isn't too crowded so we don't have any trouble finding a table. Just as the waiter brings us our drinks, I get a text from Christian.

 _ *** How is your first day going? ***_

 _ *** Great! I am at lunch with a new co-worker. ***_

 _ *** I won't bother you then - just wanted to make sure everything is ok. ***_

 _ *** :-) 3 U ***_

 _ *** Laters, baby. ***_

When I look up, Claire is watching me with a smile. "Well, judging by that goofy grin on your face, I can only assume it's your man you're talking to."

I blush. "Yes, my boyfriend. He just wanted to see how my first day is going."

"He sounds sweet."

As we talk during lunch I find we have a lot in common and I am delighted to feel like I have met a new friend. I love Kate, but besides Christian, she's my only friend here. And now that she's married to Elliot, we don't spend as much time together.

"So, what time do most people leave for the day? I have to ask my boyfriend to come pick me up. I haven't had a chance to get a car yet." I ask her. I don't want to deviate from the norm, especially as a newbie.

"Oh, where do you live? I can give you a ride home."

"I live in Escala. It's on 4th." I tell her.

"Oooh, fancy." She smiles letting me know she's just teasing.

"Oh, it's my boyfriends..." I begin to explain.

"I'm just teasing you. I live close to there on 5th so I can drop you off at home. It's on the way."

"Oh, thank you. That way if my boyfriend has to work late, he can." Lunch is a great time and I feel like I can really fit in here. It's a good feeling since I rarely feel like I fit in anywhere.

I get back to my desk and see Rachel has left to go to her meeting. So, I take out the info on SIP and begin to read. I don't get far when I see the heading, "Seattle Independent Press, a subsidiary of Grey Enterprises Holdings."

 _What the fuck?_ I am so mad I am seeing red. Christian never told me he owns the company. Adrenaline courses through my body and my hands shake. Just then, one of the other assistants, Anthony, walks by. "Learning about SIP, huh?" he asks me breaking my train of thought.

"What? Oh, yeah... so how long as SIP been owned by GEH?" I casually ask him. I try not to show that I am angry and try to sound more curious.

"I guess it's about six months. It's been great since GEH bought it. Our benefits improved and we all got raises and increased vacation time."

"Oh, cool. Thanks."

"No prob, Ana." Anthony walks back to his desk leaving me at mine to stew. So, Christian has owned SIP for six months and when I told him about my job offer he said _nothing_. What the fuck is his game? Did he make SIP call me and offer me the job? It did seem too good to be true.

I can hardly concentrate for the rest of the afternoon and am grateful Rachel isn't here. I don't want to be labeled a slacker on my first day. At five, Claire and I walk to her car in the parking lot. Her conversation during the drive home is a welcome distraction. She pulls up in front of Escala, "I hope you had a great first day, Ana. I'll see you tomorrow!" She tells me as I am getting out of her car.

"Thanks, Claire. See you tomorrow." Claire drives off and I make my way into the building. I was going to go right up to Christian's penthouse but I am so mad at him that I don't know if I can control my anger. So, I go to my apartment. _My apartment which is owned by my boyfriend who also owns the company I work for._ I think acidly on the elevator ride to the apartment.

I get in the door, throwing my purse on the floor, and march back to my bedroom where I change into a t-shirt and yoga pants. I get into the bathroom, wash my face, and put my hair up in a messy bun. I walk into the living room and collapse on the couch with a big sigh.

I lie there for a few minutes until there is a knock on the door. Immediately, I know who it is. I open the door.

"Hey, baby. I thought you were coming up to my place. How was your first day?" He asks innocently.

I can't pretend so I don't hold back. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me you own the company I work for? Did you think I wouldn't find out?"


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 

**APOV**

He stands still and swallows. Quietly, he says, "Ana, can I come in and explain?"

"I don't think there is an explanation you can give me that will make this all OK. But since it is your apartment, come on in." I am so angry my voice is wavering.

He hesitates before he walks in. He gets into the living area but doesn't sit down. "Anastasia, it's not what you think."

"Oh, so you don't own the company that offered me a job, in addition to owning the apartment I live in? I feel like a kept woman. Are you going to open accounts for me at Neiman's and Nordstrom to buy a new wardrobe and insist I get weekly manicures so you can parade me around on your arm?"

"No. It's not like that. I love you and I want you to be happy. I didn't know how to tell you I own SIP." He runs his hand through his hair.

"How about, 'oh, by the way, Ana, the company where you work is owned by me. I'm your boss!'? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"Because I knew if I told you I own SIP, you would think I had something to do with your job offer and you wouldn't take the job."

"You're exactly right. I have to call Rachel and tell her I resign. Then, I need to find a new place to live."

"Ana, you don't have to do that. You're overreacting." He talks to me as if I am a child.

"Overreacting! I'm overreacting? Christian, it's like you own me. You are in every aspect of my life. Don't you see how fucked up that is?"

"Ana, I'm sorry. I am. But I can assure you that's not what it is. Yes, I own SIP but I'm not involved in their day-to-day activities. I don't take part in their hiring or firing. I didn't know you were offered a job until you called me. I swear. I will swear on anything you want for you to believe me."

"You had nothing to do with my hiring?"

"No. You can ask Roach or HR if you want to. I promise. Don't quit, and you don't have to move. I try not to be overwhelming but it's hard because I love you so much. I don't ever want you to go through hard times when I can make them better for you. I love you." 

* * *

**CPOV**

"Christian, you have to stop doing these things. All you are going to do is push me away. You need to give me space. I try to understand where you're coming from, but it's so hard when you do things like this."

"You need space?" This can't be happening. I've already pushed her away.

"Christian, no, it's just… you're so overwhelming." Her voice trembles and she begins to cry.

"Ana, are you leaving me? You can't do this. I love you. I only wanted to make you happy." My world is spinning out of control. I can feel her slipping from my grasp and for the first time in years, I feel panic.

"I just need my own life, to make my own decisions. It's important for me to be independent. It bothers me to have to rely on other people." She looks down and I can tell she feels bad.

The only way I can convey to her why I act this way is to tell her straight up. "I never felt the way about anyone as I do you. I want to spend every minute with you. I want to be with you always. I want to marry you." I pause, I've finally said what I've been thinking for a while now.

"What… what did you say?" She looks at me in disbelief.

"I want to marry you." I step closer to her and lift her chin gently with my fingers. "I love you. I will always love you."

"Christian, I love you. I love you more than I knew I could ever love someone. But marriage, already?"

"Yes, why not?" I ask her, shrugging my shoulders.

"Why not? It's too soon. I'm not ready. We're not ready."

"What do you mean? You just told me you love me." I don't understand what the problem is if she loves me like she says she does.

"I do love you. But I'm not ready to marry you. I'm not ready to marry anyone. We haven't been together long enough and we're both young. You're my first boyfriend and I think it's perfectly clear I have no idea what I'm doing as evidenced by my little freak out there."

"How do you know? How long is long enough?" I'm bewildered. I don't understand.

"I don't know how long. I just know right now is not it." She shrugs her small shoulders and looks down once more.

"So, are you breaking up with me?"

"No. I'm not. I love you and I want to be with you. But, I'm not ready for marriage. I just want to be Ana and Christian. I want to figure out how to be a good girlfriend to you before I have to figure out how to be a good wife."

"Anastasia, come sit by me." I sit down on the sofa. "Talk to me. Why are you so sure you aren't ready for marriage?" I need to understand.

She sits down next to me. "I can't put it into words. I guess I just need to know that I am enough for you, that what we have is enough. I don't want to be a business transaction - a contract."

"But I told you before you're enough. What we have is more than enough. Hell, Ana, I've just asked you to marry me. I want you to be my wife, forever."

"I know… that's why I said I can't put it into words. I just need some time."

"OK, Anastasia Steele. I'll give you time but I am not giving up on you. I'm going to keep asking you until you say yes or no."

It's been five days since I asked Ana to marry me. She's settled down from earlier in the week when she found out I own SIP. I should have told her but I knew if I did, she wouldn't take the job. I just want her to be happy.

Today I have an appointment with Dr. Flynn.

"So, Christian, how are things going with Ana now that you are back together?" he asks me and takes a sip of tea.

"Good, I asked her to marry me." He chokes on his tea at my response. I can't help but smirk.

"You what?" He tries to recover and sound cool, calm and collected as he puts his tea down.

"I asked her to marry me. I love her and I will never love anyone else. So, why not?" I shrug.

"What did she say?" He starts to write notes on his tablet.

"She said she wasn't ready, that we aren't ready."

"And you disagree?" He asks me, looking over his glasses.

"Of course I do. She said we haven't been together long enough, but what does the length of time have to do with anything? There are people who dated for years before marriage and they still divorced. My feelings for her are not going to change." I insist adamantly.

"So, why do you think Anastasia is so reluctant to get married?"

"She said she wants to make sure that she is enough for me," I answer him.

"Is she enough for you?"

"Of course." He's being ridiculous just like Ana.

"So, why is she unsure of that?"

He's starting to piss me off. "I don't know why she thinks that. I've told her multiple times that she is everything I want. She has terrible self-esteem."

"Christian, I think the issue she may have is due to your past. She may be having trouble reconciling why you love her and not your past relationships. You have a type of woman you are attracted to, so she sees similarities with them."

"But she isn't like the others. She has never been like the others."

"I understand that is how you feel, but I think there is some part of Anastasia who feels insecure in your relationship. She was a virgin when she met you and left you when she believed she couldn't be the submissive you originally wanted. Do you see what I am getting at here, Christian?"

"But I've told her many times how much I love her and she isn't like the others."

"I don't doubt that. She needs to believe you though. You need to show her - not tell her. She's scared and that's why she won't say yes. She doesn't want to get hurt. She is an attractive young woman with brunette hair. Your previous relationships all were with women who were attractive brunettes as well. You were her first romantic relationship, correct?"

"I thought I have been showing her how much I love her; but, yes. She never had a boyfriend before we met."

"Did she date anyone while she was in Georgia?" He asks me nonchalantly.

I know I am being irrational, but the thought of Ana with another man infuriates me. "She went on a couple dates but nothing serious or physical."

"And, if I remember correctly she had some self-esteem issues regarding your relationship the first time you dated. It's obvious all of your intentions are meant well but adding in her self-esteem issues, the emotional turmoil of this past year for her, and _your_ past she's obviously apprehensive and overwhelmed. She's a strong-minded woman, which is different for you. You both have a lot to learn. And, since you don't have any experiences with relationships of this type, you and Ana need to learn to bend a little and trust the other person. You need to trust she won't run from you again and she needs to trust your true feelings for her."

"Can't we learn to do all that when we're married? I don't understand. If we both want to be with each other forever, then putting rings on our fingers aren't going to change that and we'll have the same about of learning to do. All of the previous women I was with would have jumped at the chance to have an apartment provided by me and an engagement ring. I don't mean to sound cocky but it's the truth.

"I see your point, but to play devil's advocate here, your other relationships had an actual contract. It was black and white and feelings weren't involved. If something didn't work out you just ended the contract plain and simple. Keep in mind that legally marrying someone, involving your deep feelings, family, friends, and the potential for a broken heart can be a scary thing - especially for someone like Anastasia who saw her mother go through a couple of divorces. Just think about it, that's all."

"Yeah, I guess I don't have a choice. It still doesn't change the fact that I want to marry her."

"It doesn't have to but please try to keep an open mind about it. Trust that she deeply loves you and sees a future with you. See you in a week?"

"OK." I leave Dr. Flynn's office and since it's a gorgeous day I decide to walk home. Exercise, even just walking, has always helped me to keep a clear head when I need to think.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

 **CPOV**

It's Monday morning and the past weekend with Anastasia was fantastic. But, she still won't agree to marry me. We talked a lot about how we feel and what we want for our future. Nevertheless, I still don't know how to convince her she is all I'll ever want - all I'll ever need.

It's around lunchtime when my Blackberry rings; it's Elena.

"Elena."

"Christian, darling, how have you been? I haven't heard from you in such a long time I was beginning to worry." She has that phony tone of concern in her voice. I've heard her use that tone many times with other people.

"No, I'm alive and kicking, obviously." I give her an irksome reply. I just don't have time for this right now. I've got a lot going on.

"I know you're very busy, so I'll get to the point. I've found a new sub for you. She's beautiful, experienced, and has all of the qualifications you require. What do you think? Shall I set up a time for you to meet her?"

"That won't be necessary, Elena. I am not looking for a new submissive." I tell her dispassionately.

"Oh? Have you found someone new?" She sounds curious, and I know she won't let it go until I tell her.

"Not someone new. Anastasia and I are back together."

"You mean that little co-ed you met last year? I thought you two broke it off." Her voice raised an octave as she starts to get annoyed.

"We did. But, as luck would have it, we crossed paths with each other again and decided to give it another go."

"Another go? Surely you can't be serious about her?" Her voice is now haughty and each word abrupt.

I sigh dramatically just to drill the point that I am not interested in having this conversation with her. "As a matter of fact, I am. I'm in love with her, and I've asked her to marry me."

" _Marry you?_ Christian, Now I _know_ you are joking with me. You wouldn't ever be that ridiculous to marry someone, especially that girl."

"What the hell do you mean by that?" I'm moving from bored to pissed off.

"Oh, Christian, don't be cross. You know people like you and me don't get married. We aren't stupid enough to believe in the notion of love and marriage. It's just infatuation. She'll get boring, and you'll want someone like us, someone who can satisfy your needs."

"You're wrong, Elena. I love her, and she loves me. I don't need anyone or anything else." I tell her beseechingly.

"Darling, I know you want to believe that, but she's not in the scene. She has no clue what you want or what you need. You should have just let it be when she left you before, and that was just over a belt. I can't imagine how she would act with a paddle or a cane."

"Elena, that's enough. I don't want to talk about this with you any longer. I love Anastasia, and she loves me. End of story." I try hard to suppress my anger, but it's not working, and I am slowly losing control.

"Christian…"

"Elena, I have to go. Goodbye." I interrupt her and end the call. 

* * *

**APOV**

Christian has been acting strangely for the past few days. I'm not sure if it's because I won't give him an answer to his proposal or if it's something completely different. I know he's upset, but I don't want to give him an answer without thinking it through properly. I love him and can't imagine my life without him but what he's asking for is a huge commitment. And, I'm not sure I am ready for that considering we were broken up longer than we have been together.

Christian has to work late tonight, so he is meeting me at my place for dinner. Around 6 pm, I'm putting the finishing touches on dinner when there is a knock on the door. Seriously, he owns the apartment; he doesn't have to knock.

As I am walking to the door to open it, I loudly explain "Christian, you know you don't have to knock!"

I open the door and am shocked to see it's not Christian but an elegantly dressed older woman. "Anastasia Steele?" She asks me.

"Yes. And you are?"

"Elena Lincoln. May I come in?" Elena? _No!_ It can't be her. It can't be Mrs. Robinson. In my confusion, I automatically open my door to let her in. My heart starts beating so fast I think it may jump right out of my chest. My thoughts are scattered all over the place.

"Anastasia, I've known Christian for a long time. People like him aren't made to live a vanilla lifestyle. He needs more." She arrogantly sits down on my armchair and crosses her legs.

"You're wrong about that. Christian and I love each other. He doesn't want that lifestyle anymore." I am emphatic.

She slowly shakes her head. "He doesn't know what he wants, he is confused and swept up in the idea of it all. And right now, he may not want that lifestyle, but he needs it. It's who he is."

"No, he's changed." I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.

"Anastasia, you may think that now. But fifteen women before you thought the same thing. They all thought they could change him. He can't change - it's who he is. No matter how much you want it, you will never be enough for him. You will never satisfy him."

"What do you know?"

"I know him better than anyone, Anastasia. Christian and I have been friends for a very long time."

" _Friends?_ Is that what you call it? Everyone else in the world calls it pedophilia. You should be rotting away in jail for what you did to him. How dare you act like you are looking out for his best interests." I feel my anger rise as I say it.

She quickly stands up, so we're face to face. Well, almost, she's taller than I am. "Listen here, you little gold-digger. How dare you judge our lifestyle, judge me. You know nothing about me nor do you know about the lifestyle. He doesn't know what he wants, and you are using him for every penny he has. Did he buy you this apartment?"

"You have no clue what you are talking about. I suggest you leave my apartment now." She laughs at me.

"Listen, little girl. Just make it easier on you both and stop this charade now. Just let him go and save you both a lot of heartaches."

"No, you listen. You need to just fuck off and stay out of our lives. You are his history, and you should do him a favor and leave him alone and leave us alone."

"Oh, no. _You_ are a flash in the pan, and when you break his heart, I'll be there for him."

I can no longer hold in my anger, and before I realize what I've done, I smack her across her face. She holds her hand up to her cheek in shock. As if it's in slow motion, she smirks at me then turns around and walks out of my apartment like she just won some secret battle. I stand there like a statue for; I don't know how long. I can't believe I just smacked her. I've never hit anyone before. It felt pretty damn good.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 

**CPOV**

I get to Ana's apartment, and the door is open. Immediately all the hair on the back of my neck stands on end. Where is she? Is she OK?

"Ana! Ana! Are you OK?" I yell as I enter her apartment shutting the door behind me. I get further into her apartment and see she is in the kitchen preparing an ice pack.

"Christian? I'm OK." She tells me, but she can't convince me. Her voice is shaky, and she sounds as if she is on the verge of tears.

"No, you're not. Tell me what happened." She is now holding the ice to her hand which is visibly red and hurt.

"Elena Lincoln happened." She says matter-of-factly.

"What? Why? What did she do to you? Did she hurt you?" The questions pour out of me like a broken dam.

"She came to tell me that I can never satisfy your needs, mainly. Of course, there were a lot more colorful words used." Her eyes are set hard and angry.

"What did you say to her?"

"I told her to fuck off, and then I slapped her. I think I hurt my hand doing it." She is still holding the ice to her hand. An uncontrollable laughter escapes me. But Ana notices before I can stifle it. "This isn't funny, Christian! That woman came to my home and accosted me."

I think she's being a bit dramatic, but there is no way I am telling her that. "I'm sorry, baby. I'll talk to her."

"I don't want you to talk to her. How did she know where I live?" Her voice is harsh and accusatory.

"We were talking. I probably mentioned it to her." I shrug. If I thought it was that big of a deal, I wouldn't have said anything.

"You talk to _that_ woman about me? What could you possibly need to talk to her about?"

"Ana, she's a friend. I've told you this before." I don't truly understand Ana's vehemence towards Elena.

"Is she right?" Ana's anger fades and turns more into anxiety.

"Who? Right about what?"

"That I can't satisfy your needs. That I will never be enough for you."

"Of course she isn't right. I've told you that you are all I ever want, all I will ever need."

"But how do I know for sure?"

Slowly, a mixture of exasperation, frustration, and anger rises in me. "Christ, Ana, what do I have to do to get you to believe me?"

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me everything. Tell me about your life before the Greys, your time with Elena, and your previous… relationships."

"You don't want that shit inside your head, why would you?"

"If I'm considering marrying you, I need to know you. Don't you think?"

"You already know me."

"No, I don't think I do. I don't know who you are underneath your beautiful body and CEO demeanor."

I sigh, still exasperated. Ana isn't going to give this up. "So, if I tell you about my past, that will make you feel like you know me?" She slowly nods at me. "Fine, you might as well get comfortable. We could be here for a while."

She settles in next to me on the sofa. I stretch my legs and rest my feet on the ottoman as I put my arm around her shoulders. Unwittingly, my heartbeat quickens when I recall my early childhood. "My biological mother had me when she was a teenager. By the time she was in her late teens, she was a single mother who was addicted to crack and got her fix by being a prostitute. She often left me home alone and starved and let her pimp regularly beat the shit out of me. She never helped or tried to stop him." I take a deep breath. Saying this aloud is a lot harder than I thought it would be. "She died of a drug overdose, and I was left alone with her body for four days before anyone found us."

She gasps. "Oh my God, Christian. I'm so sorry; I don't know what to say."

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me. It's in the past, and it can't be changed. Do you want me to continue?"

In a hushed whisper, she only just says, "yes."

I hold her a little closer to me. "OK, fast forward to when I was a teenager. The Greys saved my life by adopting me, but the damage had already been done. I was a meaningless piece of shit disappointment standing on the outside observing the perfect family within. Add the fact that I can't stand to have anyone touch me and I was an angry teenager on a downward spiral." I pause to take a deep and cleansing breath - the only other person I told this to is Dr. Flynn. In response, Ana says nothing and squeezes me a little tighter.

"I was fifteen and had gotten kicked out of my second school. While Elliot and Mia were off at summer camps or traveling, I was at home forced to do work around the house. It was an unusually hot day that summer and my mom made me go to her friend's house to help her with some yard work."

"That friend was Elena?"

"You guessed it. She was hot, and I was a horny teenager. She ended up kissing me and then slapped my face, hard. I was so confused, but that was my first kiss, and I didn't want it to stop. Shortly after that, I became Elena's submissive. I wanted her and would have done anything for her." I look over at Ana, and she has a look of absolute disgust on her face.

"She took advantage of you, Christian. Don't you see that?"

"I think that's how it looks like from the outside but it isn't true. I didn't have to go back. I wanted to be with her, and she helped me. She forced me to keep my grades up, get out of trouble, and stay on the straight and narrow. If it wasn't for her, I don't know where I would be.

"I was with Elena for six years. She was the only woman who I had been with, but I didn't want to be a submissive anymore. I became my own person and wanted the control for myself. So, I started to train to become a dominant.

"And, here we are to the part you know. Since I've trained to be a dominant, I've had fifteen submissives. Some of the relationships were very short, and some were long. Does that satisfy you?"

"When you first met me, you wanted me as a submissive, right?"

"Yes, at first." Where is she going with this?

"Why was I different?"

"Why?" I ask, and she nods in response. "I never felt about anyone like I felt about you, Ana. It's not just the sexual attraction, but I felt I was magnetically drawn to you. You invaded my thoughts, and I lost all sense around you. Hell, I dropped everything I was doing and flew 2,000 miles just to see you. It was only ever you."

"I never felt about anyone the way I feel about you either, Christian." Slowly and gently, I lean down and kiss her. She continues. "But I don't understand why I am so different from the others. You could have anyone you want who would do whatever you want. How do you know I will be enough? I'm scared we'd get married, and a year down the road you get bored and leave me. Then where will I be?"

"Anastasia, I don't know what I can say or do to convince you of how I feel. You and only you make me happy. You are the first person I think about in the morning and the last person I think about at night."

"OK."

"OK?" I ask her flabbergasted. "Does that mean you'll agree to marry me?"

"Not yet. I still feel like we're not ready. But, I'll agree to move in with you. That is if you still want me to."

"Of course I still want you to. My favorite thing to do is wake up next to you. So now, I can have that every day."

"I like waking up next to you as well. And, now that all the riff-raff know where I live, it's probably a good idea to move anyway." She gives me a playful look and starts to giggle.

"You are lucky I love you because you are one maddening woman."

"And you are one exasperating man."

"Sounds like we're meant to be."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 **APOV**

"Are you sure you can't come with me?" Christian asks me as he broods.

"Christian, I would love to, but I've only been at my job for a few weeks. I can't take time off." I caress his face with both hands and give him a sweet kiss.

"You can work while I'm in meetings. It'll be like you're at your desk."

"You know, you're adorable when you pout. But the time difference between here and Jakarta is 14 hours. It logistically won't work."

"You can't blame me for trying. It's going to be a long five days without you. I'll try to get back to you sooner if I can."

"I'll text you as much as I can." I mollify him.

"What will you do while I'm away?" As he asks me, he is subconsciously trailing his finger lightly on my shoulder.

I smirk at him. "I'll probably just wallow in my misery."

He tries and fails to look angry but the side of his mouth quirking up into a smile gives him away. "Ha Ha… very funny."

"Aw, don't be cross. I'm going to have dinner with Kate one of the nights, and I think I'll just finish unpacking the rest of the time."

It's in the early afternoon, and I am standing on the tarmac at Sea-Tac saying goodbye to Christian before he boards his plane for an almost 20-hour flight.

"Anastasia, it would make me feel a lot better about leaving if you would just agree to marry me." His eyes are wide, and his pupils are dilated. Worry lines are etched in his forehead and at the corners of his mouth.

"Christian, why do you seem so apprehensive about this trip? Why would whether I say yes make a difference for this trip?" Is there something he isn't telling me?

"I don't know. I would just feel better having your answer before I go on the other side of the world from you. Then I could make sure you'll be OK."

I smile at him sweetly and give him a chaste kiss. "Oh, my Fifty, I'll be OK while you're gone. I promise. I'll only be a phone call or text away."

"So I don't get my answer yet?" His eyes narrow in frustration.

"I still need to think, and I want to take this time apart to really think about things, about us."

He sighs, "Will you miss me?"

I give him a sweet smile. "Yes. I will especially miss being held in your strong arms."

"That's the only part of my body you'll miss?"

I giggle, happy we're no longer as serious. "I didn't say that…"

"I've got to go. I love you, Anastasia Steele." Christian leans down and gives me a loving kiss."

I will miss this man. My life will be dull and cold with him gone. "I love you too, Christian Trevelyan Grey."

* * *

Christian has been away for a couple of days now. It's lunchtime here which means it is late at night, or early in the morning depending on how you want to think about it, in Jakarta. It's made talking to each other extremely difficult. We've communicated mostly via text and email. I miss his voice, and I miss his hugs. Sometimes he can be so overbearing that I want to scream or something but I miss all of it.

My cell phone rings, and excitedly I look at it hoping it's Christian. But it's not - it's Elliot. _That's strange._ Puzzled, I answer the phone.

"Ana." He sounds very serious.

"Elliot, what's the matter? Is Kate OK?" Oh no, Kate!

"She's fine. Listen, there's been an earthquake in Java, and we haven't been able to get in contact with Christian." His voice is strained and unnerving.

"He could just be sleeping." I offer, hoping that is the reason and it's as simple as that.

"The earthquake was a 7.0. He wouldn't be able to sleep through it since it was very close to Jakarta and even triggered some small localized tsunamis."

No! "Oh my God." I don't know what else to say. My whole world has stopped.

"We're going to have someone come and pick you up at SIP and bring you back to his place. We're putting together a little nerve center with his security there as we find out more information. You shouldn't be alone."

My heart is pounding out of my chest, and it's becoming increasingly harder to breathe. "OK. I'll be outside waiting."

"He'll be OK, Ana. He's a survivor." With that, we hang up, and I begin to pack up some documents to review.

I'm in a fog; I let Rachel know what happened and make my way outside. Here, alone, it's much harder to keep the tears at bay. Why didn't I just give him my answer? He was so anxious when he left. It would have calmed him so much if I just told him yes. I love him so much and now I may never get to see him again.

As soon as the elevator doors open to Christian's foyer, Kate rushes to me with a big hug. "How are you holding up?" She asks me gently.

That is my undoing. I can no longer hold back the tears and everything I've been holding in, come flooding out. "Kate, what if he's not OK? I don't know what I would do without him. I love him so much and he will never know that."

"Of course he will. And you'll get to tell him in person." She folds me into a heartfelt hug.

I've been sitting at his breakfast bar for maybe hours; I don't know. All I can think about is Christian asking for my answer before he left and I didn't have one for him. Why was I so scared to say yes? I love him so much and now I may never see him again. The world keeps moving around, yet it has stopped for me. There are people out there laughing, enjoying meals with friends and family, even getting in arguments and my world has come crashing down.

Suddenly, Carrick comes out of Christian's office in a rush. Oh no… please no.

"We just heard from Taylor. The quake registered as a 7.0 on the Richter scale. They are OK but there has been a restriction on all commercial flights and boats so they may be stranded. The CEO of the company Christian was meeting with owns a small private plane, so they are going to try and make their way to Singapore."

"Oh, thank God!" Grace cries out.

He's still alive. Tears are streaming down my face as the realization hits me. Slowly, the world begins to start again and Mia hugs me. "Ana, he's OK! We'll see him soon!" she comforts me.

"What about the GEH jet?" Elliot asks Carrick.

"It's been damaged and is sitting at Soekarno–Hatta International Airport. They are going to have to find another way home and with millions of people trying to do the same thing, it's going to prove to be hard to do. We just have to wait it out."

Collectively, everyone begins to relax just a little bit with the knowledge that he's OK. We are starting to eat, relax, and talk to each other about ordinary, everyday things. Over the next few hours, some of us retreat to different rooms of the apartment and nap on the sofa but no one leaves his apartment. We all want to stick close to hear the latest news once we get it. I am so relieved he's OK but I still can't sleep. The adrenaline from earlier made me wide awake.

Late in the night, I've lost all concept of time while waiting for word, Christian calls us. He didn't have long to talk but he told Carrick they were able to get to Singapore on the CEO's plane. Luckily, they were able to find a flight from Singapore to New York City.

The flight from Singapore to New York takes about 20 hours so we decided to get some sleep and then we will all fly to New York to meet up with him. Exhausted from the previous day, we all crash at Christian's place and sleep in.

The following evening, the six of us board a plane headed to New York. Christian's plane is scheduled to land in the early morning. I'm not sure how I am going to be able to sit still for five hours. I am wired partly from over exhaustion and partly from the excitement of seeing Christian. Mia and I are seated together in the first class section of the plane. We watch a couple of silly movies on my laptop to keep us entertained yet we don't have to think too hard. It feels terrific to laugh and I am glad I have both her and Kate here with me.

We land at JFK Airport and after a couple of bathroom pit stops, we end up at a large table in Brasserie La Vie eating Salade Nicoise, Croque Monsieur, and Pan Bagnet among other delicious things. Finally, it's time for Christian's plane to land, so we head over to the terminal to meet him.

I stand there with his family anxiously waiting to see him walk towards us. The wait is agonizing and I can barely contain my emotions. I am so, so happy he's OK, I feel residually unnerved, and I'm excited all at the same time. I may very well combust before he gets here.

At last, we all see him at the same time. He's not carrying any bags except for his carry-on messenger bag and he looks extremely wary and tired. Grace weeps as she runs to him. "Oh, Christian!"

"Mom, I'm fine." He rebukes.

"I know. But darling, for a few hours we weren't sure and I was so scared I thought we would never see you again."

"The hotel had an earthquake alarm, so we were able to take cover. And luckily, Ajiono has connections and a plane so after some convincing we were able to fly to Singapore." He looks over his mother's shoulder at me and our eyes lock.

Grace lets go and he walks quickly to me. I run into his outstretched arms and sob uncontrollably. "Shh, baby, I'm OK. I'm here." He's gently rubbing my back.

I stand back to look at him and caress his face in my hands. I whisper to him, "I was so scared that I thought I lost you forever. I never want that to happen. My answer is yes. I should have told you before you left."

"Yes? Does that mean what I think it does?" His eyes twinkle with excitement.

"I love you with all my heart, Christian. I will always love you. I want to marry you."

Quietly, he whispers back to me, "You have made me the happiest man alive. Do you know that?"

"Good. Because I am the luckiest woman alive."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 

**CPOV**

Ana and I are laying in the bed of the master bedroom in my New York apartment. The rest of my family has retired to the guest rooms. I stare at her beautiful face. I can look at her all day.

"What?" she asks me as she blushes slightly.

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"Sure?" she asks me quizzically.

"Are you sure you want to marry me? You said you needed time to think about it."

"I'm sure. I never doubted our love for each other but for those few agonizing hours where we didn't know your fate, all I could think of was I don't know how I could live without you. The thought of it broke me. That's when I knew my answer. I think I've always known it, though."

"I think I've always loved you, from the day you interviewed me. When I touched you, I felt something I have never felt before. It was like I yearned to know you." She smiles at me sweetly, and her eyes close for a bit giving away her fatigue.

I kiss her forehead gently. "Sleep now, baby." I reach over to the bedside table and turn off the line. I hold her in my arms close to me. She fits perfectly. "I love you, soon-to-be Mrs. Grey."

"I love you too, Christian." I hear her quietly yawn, and I happily close my eyes and drift off into a sound sleep knowing Ana is by my side.

* * *

I wake early, and Ana is sound asleep next to me. I take a minute to watch her sleep admiring her natural beauty and innocence. Then, I quietly get up and dress, and while everyone is still asleep, I head out of my apartment to put my plan into motion.

Taylor and I drive on the early morning deserted roads of Manhattan to my meeting. We get to our destination and are promptly greeted at the door and ushered inside.

"Mr. Walden, thank you for your availability on such short notice," I explain as we shake hands in greeting.

"Mr. Grey, please, call me Robert. And, I am happy we can assist you. So, based on my conversation with Mr. Taylor here, I have a couple of items for you to look at." He takes out a tray covered in black velvet with three rings on it.

He picks up the first ring, "This is a 3-carat marquise diamond solitaire set in platinum with a half carat baguette on each side." He hands it to me, and I examine it carefully. It's a lovely ring, but I feel like I will know the ring that is perfect when I see it. I smile at him and place the ring back down.

"This next ring is a five-carat round solitaire set in 18-carat yellow gold with a vine designed shank." I look at it and frown slightly.

"I think I would prefer platinum for her ring."

He gives me a big smile. "I think this next ring is what you are looking for." He hands me the ring.

This is it. This is _the_ ring. I continue to study it closely as he tells me the details. "The diamond is a four and a half carat conflict-free oval-shaped diamond. It's a D colorless diamond, super ideal cut, with a VVS2 clarity, the closest our gemologist has ever seen to a flawless diamond. The shank is split into a twisted vine pattern. As you can see, the one vine is set with 36 pavé diamonds and the other in recycled pure platinum."

I continue to examine it closely, but I know this is the one. This is the perfect engagement ring for Anastasia. "Is there a matching wedding band?" I ask.

He smiles at me once more, "Yes." He hands that to me to look at with the engagement ring.

"How much?" I ask although I know it doesn't matter how much the ring costs, I am leaving with this ring.

"I can give it to you for $168,000 including the wedding band. That would be 25% off the asking price."

I take out my wallet and hand him my credit card. He nods to me and takes the card. I stand to wait for him to return. Taylor looks at me and uncharacteristically says, "Congratulations, Sir."

"Don't congratulate me yet; she still needs to say yes."

We get back to the apartment, and everyone is luckily still asleep. I head to the master bedroom where Anastasia is still peacefully sleeping and in the ensuite to take a shower. When I come out, Ana is sitting up in bed smiling at me.

"Good morning, Anastasia. How are you feeling today?" I ask her as I step towards her with a towel wrapped around my waist and my hair still damp.

"I'm feeling pretty good." She tells me with a shy smile. "You?"

"I must say I slept wonderfully last night." I walk up to her and give her a chaste kiss on her forehead. "Are you hungry? It smells like breakfast is almost ready."

"I'm starving," she says and gets up to open her small suitcase. She puts on a pair of yoga pants and a broken-in t-shirt. I look at her and smile. Even wearing yoga clothes, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. "Sorry, I didn't know what to pack or what to expect, so I don't have anything nicer."

"You look perfect. Go start on breakfast, and I'll be right out as soon as I get dressed."

"OK, but don't take too long. Elliot might eat your share." Ana teases. I watch her as she walks out of the room.

I take a pair of jeans and t-shirt out of the dresser and quickly get changed before slipping the little box I purchased this morning into my pocket.

I enter the dining room to see my parents, Mia, Elliot, Kate, and Anastasia at the table eating a spread of pancakes, eggs, hash browns, and bacon. "Good morning, Christian!" My mother greets me with a loving smile as she gets up from the table. She kisses me on the cheek.

"Good morning, mother." I greet her in return.

"Mr. Grey, would you care for some coffee?" Mrs. Stewart, my housekeeper, asks me.

"Yes, please, Mrs. Stewart." She retreats to the kitchen to get my coffee, and I take now for the perfect opportunity.

"Well, I'm glad you could all be here. In light of what happened and what could have happened, there is something essential I must do."

No one but Mia says anything; she is the only person who is not intimidated by me. "What is it, Christian?" she asks.

"Anastasia, I love you with all my heart." I take the box out of my pocket and slowly get down on one knee. "I will always love you. Marry me, spend your life with me by my side as my beloved wife."

Ana's hand quickly moves to her mouth in surprise. "Christian, you didn't have to do this."

"I know, but I wanted to ask you properly. You deserve it."

A single tear begins to roll down her cheek. "Yes, I will marry you." She quietly answers me. I take the ring out of the box, place it on her finger, and kiss her. As if we are alone I pick her up and hold her to me.

We have a happy and leisurely breakfast together before we board a chartered private jet to head back home to Seattle. Ana is cuddled next to me just barely awake. "How are you going to tell your Mom and Dad?" I ask her.

"Um, I guess when we get back. I didn't think about that."

We land at Sea-Tac, and as we are getting into the cars to take us home, there is a barrage of photographers and paparazzi waiting for us. They are snapping so many pictures that we are practically blinded by the flashes. Their questions are unintelligible as they are shouted at us from all directions. We get into the back of the SUV with Taylor in the front passenger seat. "What the fuck was that about?" I ask.

"Sir, it appears pictures of you with Miss Steele wearing her engagement ring have made the papers," Taylor informs me.

"How did that happen? And, when?" I ask. I wanted our news to be shared on our schedule - when Ana wanted to share it.

"Someone spotted you at JFK Airport before you boarded the flight home. It's been all speculation so far since nothing has been confirmed."

I rub her ring with my hands and kiss it. She looks down at it, "It's beautiful, perfect." She tells me, her eyes are twinkling brightly.

"It is beautiful but you, you are the perfect one." She blushes slightly. "You should call your parents as soon as we get home before they find out from the media."

We arrive home, and as the elevator doors open to the foyer, I tell Ana, "I have a few things to take care of in my office. Will you be OK for a little bit?"

She smiles at me, "Of course. I have a couple of calls to make anyway."

About an hour later I come out of my office and find Anastasia sitting in the great room reading a book. I walk up silently behind her, bend down, and gently kiss her ear. "How did your phone calls go, Miss Steele?" I whisper.

Ana turns her head to look at me, "they were surprised, shocked, but happy. My mom is very excited to help with the planning. Ray was his usual quiet self, but I think he was happy."

I smile at her glad to know it went well. "We should visit them soon, especially Ray. I need to ask his permission."

"Permission? For what?" She asks me in shock.

"For your hand in marriage, of course."

"But I've already said yes."

"I am well aware and very happy for that. However, it is proper for me to ask."

She laughs, "you might want to wear armor."

"Why is that?" I try to stifle my smile.

"Well, you have bedded his only daughter."

"Hmmm… and I'd like to bed her right now."


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

 **APOV**

I'm standing in the large walk-in closet in Christian's bedroom. He's purchased clothes for me - more than I can imagine. I don't know when he did this or how he had the time. But, I suppose if I am going to marry him I should probably get used to this type of treatment.

I choose a Victoria Beckham black patterned pencil skirt and a short-sleeved white silk blouse with black pumps. My hair is in soft waves down my back as I stand and look at myself in the mirror. I think it'll do.

I walk out to the breakfast bar where Christian is drinking his coffee and eating his egg white omelet. When he hears me walk in, he looks up from his Wall Street Journal and smiles. "You look radiant this morning, Anastasia."

"Thank you, Mr. Grey." I smile and take a seat across from him. Mrs. Jones places a cup of tea in front of me. I take a sip and see Christian's brow furrow.

"Where's your ring?" His voice is quiet and measured.

I carefully swallow before I answer. "It's on the dresser. I figured since our engagement hasn't been publicly announced I should wait to wear it."

His eyes narrow and I immediately know he's pissed. "I didn't buy you that ring so it can sit on the dresser."

"I know, but not wearing the ring doesn't mean we're not engaged." I try to argue my point.

"Are you ashamed to be with me?" He asks me his anger is replaced with worry and shame.

"No, of course not. It's just a lot to take in, and I'm new at work. I want to make a name for myself with what I do, not because I'm engaged to the owner of the company."

His eyes soften, and he gets up to me, "You know, you don't have to work."

"I know, but it's what I want to do. I like it. I don't want to depend on you and your money."

He smiles sweetly at me, "I know, you are one of the few." He tips my chin up with his finger and gently kisses me. "Come, let's get you to work."

The Audi pulls up outside SIP, but we can't even see the door. The paparazzi are flooding the place; they run up to the SUV so we can't even get out of the car. They are shouting questions about me signing a prenup and asking how we met. They are so close, and there are so many of them the SUV begins to rock that I shout in surprise and practically jump into Christian's arms.

"Taylor, pull away now!" Christian yells to Taylor. Taylor quickly pulls away and drives around the block.

"Baby, are you sure you want to do this?" Christian asks me with concern etched on his face.

"Yes, Christian. I do."

He frowns momentarily and then says to Taylor, "Taylor, drive around for a couple of minutes and then take us in through the delivery entrance. They won't be able to access that."

"Isn't there something you can do about them, Christian?" I ask.

"Unfortunately, not, baby. They aren't on private property. But the second one of them step foot on it; they will have their asses hauled off to jail."

Finally, I am able to get into work once the crowd thinks we have left. I walk into the office, and Claire greets me happily. "Congratulations, Ana! Can I see the ring?"

I blush, "Oh, I didn't wear it today. Um, since we didn't publicly announce anything I didn't expect this type of reaction." I try to explain, feeling a bit foolish.

"Well, I don't think you'll need to announce anything publicly. I'm pretty sure word is out." She laughs gently. "Listen, since it's a mob outside, how about we do lunch together? I'll go out and grab something and bring it back then you can yell me about how he proposed."

"Thank you. I'd really like that." I head to my desk and after I've gotten myself settled I check in with Rachel.

"Ana, welcome back. I'm glad to hear Christian was safe." She seems genuinely pleased for me.

"Thank you. And, Rachel, thank you for your understanding. I know I just started here, and you didn't have to do what you did…"

"Ana, in the short time you have been here, you've proven yourself. I mean that. And I can tell you actually want to be here to work. You don't see that much with young people anymore."

"Thank you, Rachel. Do you have anything for me to work on?"

"Well, I've gotten a couple of manuscripts in from new authors, and I haven't had time to get to them. Would you mind reading them and writing a summary of what you think?"

"Really?" I didn't expect to be able to be doing this like this so soon.

"Ana, I wouldn't ask you to do this if I didn't think you are capable. Your work is a reflection of mine, and I'm not going to just trust anyone with that."

"Thank you, Rachel. I appreciate that." I step forward and take the manuscripts from her desk and carry them to my desk and begin to get to work.

As I am sitting there reading the first manuscript and sipping my tea, I get a new email. It's from Christian and before even reading it, I smile.

* * *

 _To: Anastasia Steele_

 _From: Christian Grey_

 _Re: Checking in…_

 _Anastasia,_

 _It's been only a couple of hours since I dropped my fiance at work and I miss you already. I trust you have had no further issues._

 _I am going to be putting out a press release today announcing our engagement, so I want you to be prepared. I will come and pick you up from work. Just in case the mob is as bad as it was this morning, I don't want you to step outside without me._

 _Let me know when I shall pick you up. Until then…_

 _Christian Grey_

 _CEO & Hopelessly In Love, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc._

* * *

Lunch with Claire is a lot of fun, and I'm glad to have made a friend at work. Now that Kate is married, I don't really have any friends to spend my time with. She got us these fantastic salads from the deli around the corner. She says she likes to go there because the one guy working at the counter is really hot. She's funny and makes me laugh; and, she's outgoing like Kate.

It's after lunch, and I am reading the next manuscript when I get a Google alert about Christian. He's sent out the press release about us so now I imagine things may get a little crazy. I smile as I read it, feeling even more in love with Christian than I ever have before.

Stephanie, from Archives, walks past my desk with someone I haven't yet met and practically shouts, "I guess sleeping with the boss is the sure fire way to move up in the company."

The bitchy woman she is with laughs and replies, "yeah, but you're not a slut - or a gold-digger." She laughs snidely, and they continue walking past me. I know that was directed at me and I feel confused. I'm hurt someone would think that about me without knowing me, and I'm angry they would be so passive aggressive about it. I really want to say something to them, but what? They don't really know me, so I am sure to the outside world, that's what it looks like.

Throughout the rest of the day, I get strange looks from coworkers and can hear snotty remarks behind my back. When I was the "new girl" I felt a bit isolated and outside the group. But now, it feels worse. I want to scream at them that I can hear them and they are wrong. What good would it do? They won't believe me. They are going to think whatever they want.

For the rest of the day, I felt like everyone was whispering about me behind my back. I wanted to shout that Christian had nothing to do with me getting this job but there is a small part of me that isn't sure about it. He promised me that he didn't, but it's not like he hasn't used his considerable resources before for something like this.

* * *

Finally, it's 5 in the evening and Christian texts me to let me know he is here. Before he has a chance to walk through the office to get me, I get up and greet him in the lobby. "Hey, baby, you didn't have to pack quick up. I was going to come and get you." He tells me as he gives me a quick peck on the cheek. I look over at Claire, and she has a genuine smile and gives me a sly wink. I smile weakly at her thinking she probably was the only person who honestly smiled at me today. "Are you ready to go?" he asks me innocently. I nod and manage a small smile.

We are in the SUV headed back to Escala, and I am lost in my thoughts. This should be the happiest time of my life, and yet, I don't feel like it. Will it always be like this once I am Mrs. Christian Grey?

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asks me earnestly. I pause momentarily, wondering if I should tell him. "Tell me."

"People think I am marrying you for your money and that you got me my job. People were whispering, some not so quietly, about it all day long."

"Ignore them. Who gives a fuck what people think?" He tells me confidently.

"I do, Christian. These are my coworkers. I spend eight hours every day with them. I don't want to be the laughingstock of SIP."

"You aren't the laughingstock of SIP. And, our friends and family know the truth about you and those are the significant people. The rest of them…" he moves his hand as if he is waving an unpleasant thought away. "... they are jealous of what we have. Of what I have."

I laugh sarcastically, "I don't think you're the one they are jealous of, Christian."

He reaches for my hand and kisses it, his eyes heating me up with their intense gaze. "I beg to differ, Miss Steele. Besides, if you were marrying me for my money it wouldn't have taken you so long to say yes." He adds, making me laugh. "Baby, you and me. That's what matters. No one else."

I relax, his words comfort me. "Are you hungry?" I ask.

"Yes," he replies, "but I would much rather go to bed." And with that statement, my previous ire is forgotten.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

 **APOV**

I lay with my head on Christian's chest, his hands gently stroking up and down my naked back. "So, baby, when would you like to get married?" he asks me quietly.

Without lifting my head, I turn to look at him. "When would you?" I ask.

"Baby, I'd marry you right now if I could."

"As tempting as that sounds, I don't think I am dressed appropriately."

"Do you want a big wedding, Ana?"

"I don't think so, just friends and family."

"I like the sound of that." He kisses my forehead.

* * *

It's Saturday afternoon, and Christian and I have decided to have our parent's over to discuss the wedding.

"Have you kids thought of a date yet?" My mom asks us excitedly.

I look at Christian, and he motions for me to answer. "We were thinking in a month."

"Mom, can we have the wedding at Bellevue?" Christian asks Grace.

"Oh, darling, of course!" Grace is ecstatic. Christian looks at me and has the grin of a young boy. I get up to take our dishes into the kitchen, both my mom and Grace offer to come and help me.

From the other room, I hear Christian ask Ray for a moment of his time. After we've stacked the dishes in the dishwasher, Grace, my mom, and I go to relax on the balcony together. A few moments later Christian walks up to me with a victorious look on his face.

"So how did it go?" I ask him unable to contain my mirth.

He flashes me his million megawatt smile. "He gave me permission to marry you."

"Well, that's good." I would tease him, but he looks very proud of himself.

Our parents leave, and so far we have planned when and where the wedding is going to take place. Next week, Grace, my mom, and I are going to look at wedding dresses. I'm also going to see if Kate and Mia want to come with us too.

I didn't realize how much is involved in planning a wedding and now I know why so many couples plan it a year in advance. Every little detail down to the color of the napkins must be carefully planned.

* * *

The past couple of weeks has been crazy with the media and the paparazzi. A few times, I had trouble even getting to work and another time I got mobbed while leaving the grocery store. Luckily, Sawyer was with me, but Christian was not happy at all. I'm surprised he's even letting me out of the house at this rate.

TMZ has had us on their website almost daily with updated details about our wedding. Most of them aren't even correct, but I suppose it doesn't matter.

My mom, Grace, Mia, and Kate have come with me to look at wedding gowns. I'm especially nervous about it, but luckily the woman who owns the boutique is friends with Grace and closed her store for the day, so we wouldn't have to worry about any gawkers. Our security let us in through the back, so no one even noticed we are here. In a way, it kind of makes me sad because most brides are so excited to tell everyone about her plans and I have to keep everything hush-hush.

I found my dress, and I couldn't be happier. Both my mom and Grace teared up when they saw me in it. It's by an Australian designer named Anna Campbell, called the Florence dress. I love it because it's both beautiful and simple at the same time. The top is ivory with hand beading throughout including an illusion neckline, delicate cap sleeves, and a v back. The skirt is silk chiffon with a slight trumpet shape to enhance the few curves I do have. I picked out a pair of Badgley Mischka crystal back d'Orsay heeled sandals to match.

"Ana, it's like this dress is made for you. Christian's jaw is going to hit the ground when he sees you!" Kate's excitement is contagious.

I look over to see my mom in tears. "Mom, what's the matter?" I ask her.

"Oh, honey, you look so beautiful, like an angel. I wish your father could be here to see it." I should have known; my mom tends to get weepy about these kinds of things.

"I know, Mom. I wish he could be here too." I hand her a tissue from the table next to me, and she gives me a hug holding onto me tightly.

Grace makes arrangements to have my dress delivered to her house, so Christian doesn't get tempted into peeking. So now, we just have to choose, well, everything else.

* * *

The following day, I'm at work and pick up one of the gossip magazines in our lobby. Right on the cover is the headline, "Grey's Bride-to-Be a College Coed." Piqued, I turn to the page with the article.

 _Word is Seattle's most eligible and desired bachelor, Christian Grey has picked his bride from a college campus. Ana Steele, Grey's fiance, is a recent college graduate who, up until she recently started working at one of his companies, was a waitress at a brewery in Savannah. So, all you college girls who waitress while on break, there is still hope to meet your very own billionaire bachelor. Nonetheless, it's believed that the duo has only been dating for a few months. According to a source, Grey and Steele's romance came about thanks to an article she was writing on the young entrepreneur for the school newspaper. Awww… so sweet! The question we ask is if the prenup has a clause about paying off student loans and an internship._

I feel my cheeks flush and I'm not sure if I am more angry or embarrassed. These people don't even know me and who are these sources?! Between the paparazzi hounding us wherever we go now and these stupid articles, it makes me wonder whether we'll even be able to have an average wedding as we want.

* * *

By 5 o'clock in the evening, my mood is still sour as I climb into the back of the Audi with Christian. "Baby, what's the matter?" he asks me.

"This," I tell him as I hand him the magazine. He looks at me quizzically before he reads the headline.

"This is just gossip. Who gives a fuck about what anyone thinks about us?"

"I care! They are making look like some gold digging bimbo. We aren't going to be able to go anywhere, let alone be able to have a wedding like an average couple. Maybe we should just go somewhere far away and elope."

"Is that what you really want?" He asks me with a serious tone, but the corners of his mouth are curling up in amusement.

I sigh in defeat, "No. I don't."

"All I care about is at the end of the day you are my wife. Nothing else matters."

I pause, he's right. I'm focusing on things that don't matter. I take a slow, deep breath to calm down. "You're right. And since I am going to be Mrs. Grey soon enough, I better get used to the idea of strangers wanting to know details about our lives."

He kisses me on my head. "I can't wait for you to become Mrs. Grey. Then the whole world will know you're mine."

* * *

The next day, I meet Kate for lunch. I'm excited to see her. I feel like we haven't had any girl time with just the two of us in a while. She gets up and hugs me when I get to the table. "Ana! You look so good! What have you been doing?" She asks me as we sit down.

"Oh, I've been working out hoping to get in better shape for the wedding, and I've actually been to the salon for treatments," I explain conspiratorially.

"Well, they are working. So, I get to pick up my Maid of Honor dress from the seamstress tomorrow." Kate informs me.

"Oh, I'm excited to see it! I'm sorry we couldn't have your mom make the dresses. I guess that is the big downfall of having a short engagement."

"She understands, but she did say she thinks your dress and my dress are both gorgeous." I wanted to pick something feminine and yet beautiful for Kate and Mia to wear as my bridesmaids. The bridesmaid dresses are light blush pink cocktail length strapless dupioni dress with a draped detail at the bodice and front of the skirt. It flatters both Mia's and Kate's figures. They also got strappy heeled sandals in the same pink. It's simple yet elegant.

I am pretty relieved the dresses got the stamp of approval from Kate's mother. "I'm glad she likes them. It means a lot to me, especially since she can't be the one to make the dresses."

"Have you decided on the decorations for the ceremony and reception?" she asks me genuinely interested.

"Sort of, we're having it at Grace and Carrick's in the garden, hopefully, if the weather is nice. Their house has always reminded me of an old English manor house, so I have an English garden look wedding in mind." I tell her. Luckily for me, Grace is very good at planning events and has taken over the reigns since I have no clue what I am doing. She and my mom have been visiting various vendors together and everything.

"That is going to be beautiful, Ana. I'm so excited for you. But there is one thing you are forgetting…"

I frown at her not sure what I've forgotten, but I hope it isn't too late, whatever it is. "What am I forgetting?" I ask feeling a sense of panic starting to build.

"Your bachelorette party, of course." She gives me a devilish grin knowing she made me panic.

"What? No. I can't have a bachelorette party. I don't think Christian will like it."

"Ana, come on! It's tradition. Plus, I think Christian quite enjoyed himself at our bachelor party in Hawaii." I blush remembering that night and how confused I was about my feelings for him.

"I don't know, Kate."

"It'll be fun, I swear, and you won't get in trouble. After all, I am a married old lady now. I never get to hang out with you, and I know you would have so much fun."

"OK, I'll talk to Christian about it. Where were you thinking of going?"

"Well, that's for me to plan and for you to find out when we get there. But it'll be warm and sunny, that's for sure."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

 ****

 **APOV**

"Ana, I don't know if I feel comfortable with you going away without security. What if something happens and I'm not there?"

"Christian, the only place where people care about who I am is here in Seattle. So really, I would be safer going somewhere than I would be if we stayed in Seattle and went out." I try to plead to his logical side.

He narrows his eyes at me, and I know my argument makes sense, but he doesn't want to admit it. He sighs. "Ana, who is going?"

"It'll just be Mia, Kate, and me."

"Promise me you'll be safe. And… I'm serious… I want you to take security with you just in case."

"But, Christian!" I start to protest.

He walks towards me and gingerly puts his arms around my waist. "Miss Steele, you shouldn't pout. It makes my palms twitch."

I inhale sharply. I didn't expect him to say that nor did I expect it to excite me as it did. "Oh." is all I can manage to say in response. I don't know how he does that. It's like he has an on/off switch to my libido.

He smiles at me. "It will make me feel better if you just let security come with you." He says before he leans down and gives me a loving kiss.

"OK." He looks down at me and gives me another kiss effectively ending the conversation.

* * *

 **CPOV**

"Elliot, why? You know I don't like that kind of stuff." I can't hide the frustration in my voice.

"Don't be such a pussy, Christian. It's one weekend of beer and fun with friends. Surely, one weekend of being a human being won't kill you."

"I know, but I don't…" I stop and don't want to finish my thought feeling foolish.

"What? You don't want to be away from Ana?" Elliot asks me and snickers.

I shrug, "Well, yeah. I spent almost a year without her wishing I could be with her. So why would I want to spend any time away from her?"

"That is romantic, honorable even. But a couple of nights away isn't going to hurt. We'll have it the same weekend the girls have theirs. If we get there and you hate it, then we can come home early. I promise you'll have a good time."

It's the weekend of our respective bachelor and bachelorette parties. The girls are flying a commercial flight to their destination, which is still a secret, a point of which I am not happy. I wanted them to take my jet, but they insisted it would be part of the fun to fly together.

So, it's Elliot, Ethan, and I headed off to god knows where in my company jet. I am also not happy about the fact that Elliot wouldn't tell me where we are flying to even though it's my fucking plane. At least Taylor is with us which is a surprising comfort to me. Apparently, the girls invited Gail to go along with them, but she had plans to visit her sister. It is some consolation to me that Sawyer is going with Ana. In a way, I feel sorry for him since he will have to deal with the three of them for the entire weekend. But, that's what he gets paid to do; and he gets paid well.

We get on the plane and are seated waiting for takeoff. "Elliot, are you going to tell me where we are going finally?" I ask in exasperation. This is going to be a long weekend, and not in a favorable way.

"I will tell you once we are in the air so there isn't anything you can do about it," he replies smugly. What the fuck does he mean by that? Now I am even more worried about our destination.

"That doesn't make me feel any better. Where the hell are we going if you don't want to tell me until we are in the air?" My brother has had some stupid ideas in his lifetime, but this may very well take the cake.

He sniggers at me. "All right, I'll put you out of your misery. We're going to Playa del Carmen, Mexico." He puts his hands behind his head as if he won some kind of victory and leans back in his seat.

I've never been a fan of Mexico; it always reminds me of a place where college kids go to party and get drunk on spring break. "Well, it could be worse I suppose. You could have picked Tijuana."

"Don't worry, I thought about it." But he can't keep a straight face as he says it and laughs at his joke.

About five hours later, we land at Cancun airport and get into the waiting Lincoln Navigator while Taylor loads our luggage. The forty minute drive takes us to an impressive villa in Punta Maroma. We pull up outside the large white two-story home and drag ourselves inside.

Elliot is looking around the house, another thing that concerns me since I would assume he would have at least seen detailed pictures of the house before renting it for the weekend. How irresponsible is it to rent a house sight unseen? I take my bag up to a bedroom with a large king size bed, a remarkable bathroom, a large tv, and a sitting area with a sectional sofa. Beyond the couch is a relaxing balcony. Maybe I can do some reading on the balcony later.

I sit on the edge of the bed tired from the travel and contemplate calling Ana to see how she is doing and if she made it to her destination. Before I have a chance even to dial her number, I hear voices downstairs. Aggravated, I go downstairs to see what harebrained scheme my brother has cooked up now. I get down the steps, and there I see my next surprise.

It's Ana, Kate, and Mia. Ana looks up at me and gives me a gigantic smile, and her eyes sparkle brightly. I walk up to her when she says, "This is a pleasant surprise."

"The best," I reply to her as I lean down and kiss her. I am much happier now she is here with me and safe. "Did you know about this?"

She smiles and shakes her head. "No."

"We figured if we didn't do this you'd be an annoying asshole the whole weekend," Elliot yells over to us. I try not to laugh, but I can't help it. He's right; I probably would have been terrible all weekend worrying about Ana.

Kate slaps Elliot's arm. "More like we know you two lovebirds don't like being apart from each other and we wanted you both to have fun." She corrects Elliot.

Ana hugs Kate after I begrudgingly let her out of my arms. "Thank you, Kate! This is perfect."

I don't want to let go of Ana; she is my comforter. We all gather in the large living room for drinks and some snacks, and to relax from the long day of travel. Ana is sitting on my lap, and I couldn't be happier than I am right now. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know she is the only woman I will love, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her. I sit back and observe everyone interacting with each other. My sweet girl is happily chatting away with Kate, and she hasn't stopped smiling. She tells Kate she has never been to Mexico, so Kate gives her an idea of the types of things to do in the area beside drinking and laying on the beach - although, that is also on the girls' schedule.

Elliot and Ethan are talking to me about deep sea fishing, and I realize that for the first time, I feel like I am a part of the group. They don't treat me any different than they treat each other and for that, I am glad. I don't know if the change is within other people or me, but I do know that it is all due to Ana. She's just remarkable.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

 **APOV**

We're up early to go on an excursion to Tulum and horseback riding. I'm excited to see the ruins, but I'm nervous about the horseback riding. Horses always have intimidated me; I think it's because they are so large that they can hurt someone.

The SUVs drive us about 45 minutes south to the ruins of Tulum. Once we get there, we are greeted by our tour guide, Francisco. Right away, I was impressed at how intact the ruins are considering they are over 700 years old. We walk through a doorway in the massive wall that surrounds the city. As we walk, Christian is holding my hand and softly caressing my knuckles.

The view of the turquoise waves washing on the pristine beach just below the ruins is gorgeous. I could see why people would want to live here. Straight ahead of us is the imposing El Castillo sitting on the cliff above the beach. I can imagine being able to see ships coming into the harbor from the high point of the castle.

As we are walking around, I am surprised to see so many palm trees woven in between buildings in good condition considering their age. And, at one point, we even saw an iguana sunning himself on a rock. Francisco is giving us a history of the Maya as well as some myths surrounding the walled city.

After we explore the ancient city, we head to the beach for a quick lunch and then off onto our horseback riding excursion. We get to our horses and the one picked for me is gigantic and chocolate brown all over. Immediately, he starts to back away as I approach. I put my foot in the stirrup, and the horse snorts loudly scaring me. Everyone else has left us on their horses, so only Christian remains with me and the guide.

I can tell he is trying to hide his snickers at my reaction to the horse, but I'm glad he isn't blatant about it. "Baby, do you just want to ride on my horse with me?" He indulges me.

I nod my head. "Yes, I think that's best." Christian and the guide help me up onto the horse, then Christian gets on and takes the reins. Now that I am on the horse I feel much calmer and begin to enjoy the ride. The scenery here is just gorgeous.

Once we get back to the house, we relax by the pool and enjoy Pollo Pibil cooked for us by our private chef and margaritas made by Kate. We relax in the pool and hang out on the patio until well into the evening.

* * *

The following day, the girls relax at the spa while the guys go deep sea fishing. The spa is fantastic. As soon as we entered the building, a woman wearing an ivory wrap shirt and ivory pants greets us. "Bienvenidos al Balneario Botica. ¿Cómo podemos ayudar a hacerse su mejor mí?"

Kate steps forward, "Hello. Do you speak English?"

The woman, who is wearing a nametag that says Selena, gives us a kind smile. "Yes. Hello and welcome to the Botica Spa. How may I help you?"

Kate gives her a broad, friendly smile. "We have a 10 a.m. appointment for treatments - under the name Grey." I do a slight double take since I am still not used to hearing Kate use the name Grey. I smile reminding myself that I too, will soon be a Grey.

Selena checks what I think is an appointment book. "I have the three of you scheduled for a facial, manicure, pedicure, and massage each. Is that correct?"

The three of us nod our heads and reply "yes" in unison. I am brought into a serene and comfortable treatment room. The smell of bergamot, patchouli, and ylang-ylang lightly fills the air instantly relaxing me.

My first treatment is my massage. I will have two people to massage me. I am left in the room to undress and get ready on the massage table. I place my clothing on the chair in the corner of the room, lie on my back on the massage table, and cover myself with the sheet. There is a soft knock on the door, "Um, come in." I say just before the door opens.

It is the best massage I have ever had - not that I've had a lot, but this far surpasses them all. While the one masseuse does my right side, the other does the left in perfect synchronicity. I am so relaxed that I almost fall asleep.

The next treatment is my natural facial where they will clean, exfoliate, and moisturize my skin with natural ingredients all sourced from the Playa del Carmen area. I don't think my skin has ever looked this good.

My third and final treatment is a manicure and pedicure. While my feet are soaking in a warm lavender and mint bath, my hands are being massaged. By the time we leave the spa we are perfectly groomed and relaxed with our skin glowing radiantly.

* * *

That night we get decked out to have a night on the town. I'm wearing my navy blue and coral orange floral print mini dress with wide straps and bandeau style bodice with knotted detail, cutouts, and a smocked back. I wear them with my nude colored strappy wedge sandals. It's a cute look, but if I had known Christian would be here, I would have brought something sexier.

Mia and Kate are also wearing brightly colored mini dresses, and the guys look handsome in a more relaxed look. Christian looks amazing in a pair of dark jeans and a tight black t-shirt that hugs his biceps. Damn, I can't believe this handsome man is going to be my husband soon. He caught a little sun while they were fishing today which makes his gray eyes seem that much brighter.

We get to Coco Bongo, and the place is packed. But since we have a VIP table we skip the line, and the host takes us right to the table without waiting where a waiter is there to get our drinks. It's loud and bright, but you immediately have fun when you're there. The show was great - there were women doing acrobatics in these large ribbons. I never saw anything like it.

The drinks were flowing so by the time we go to leave I am feeling pretty tipsy. Everyone is walking out to leave, and I quickly run back to the table to get one last sip of water before we head out. I look up, and there is some slutty tramp with frizzy fake blond hair hitting on my boyfriend. _What the actual fuck?_ I can see he is trying to get away from her, but this bitch is being relentless. I march right up to her, push her shoulder and yell, "Leave my fiance alone you ratchet slut!" She backs away and looks shocked. Christian grabs me and gets me out of the way in an attempt to walk me to the door before anything else can happen. I can hear everyone else in our group failing miserably at trying to hide their laughs.

On the way back to the house, Christian asks me, "Baby, are you OK?"

Still feeling angry I reply, "She was hitting on you. That slut!"

Elliot laughs, "I think you mean that ratchet slut." making Kate laugh even harder. Christian even breaks on that one.

"Where did you even get ratchet from?"

"I heard it on MTV," I answer truthfully. But that only makes everyone laugh more, and my earlier anger melts away.

* * *

The following morning I wake up and surprisingly don't feel that bad. But the events of last night are a bit fuzzy. I open my eyes to see Christian looking at me.

Suddenly I feel embarrassed and shy about my behavior last night. I can't believe I confronted someone like that. "Good morning, Anastasia. How are you feeling?" He asks me, his voice is low and sultry.

"Hi. I feel OK. Sorry about last night. I hope I didn't ruin anything." I try to apologize to him.

He gives me his gigantic shit-eating grin, "No, you didn't. I think you were quite entertaining. And it's nice to not be the jealous one for once."

"Yeah, well. That's just a warning to all those other bitches out there who are going to hit on you." I try to put on my best badass demeanor.

"You mean all those ratchet bitches?" Christian asks with a smile. His eyes are twinkling, and he looks so young and carefree that I laugh with him, relieved to see him at ease like this.

After a leisurely breakfast and some, um, private recreational activity, we join the others and go to Xel-Ha. We have a lot of fun. We floated down a river and swam into a cenote. I have never seen anything like it. It was eerie and beautiful at the same time.

We spend the rest of the day at the inlet swimming and snorkeling in the turquoise waters. Mia, Kate, and I are lounging on the beach just at the edge of the water, so the incoming waves wash over our feet. Suddenly, Elliot sneaks up on us and splashes us, drenching us in cool water. Kate screams quickly jumps up and grabs onto Elliot's back like he's giving her a piggyback ride. Mia and I both pop up and run into the water splashing the guys in a huge splash fight. By the time it's over, I'm breathless from laughing.

For the rest of the weekend, we relax at the house eating, drinking margaritas, and laying out by the pool at the house. By the time we are flying back home on Christian's jet, I am a little sad to be leaving the fun weekend behind.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

 **APOV**

Life has been a whirlwind since we came back from Mexico. Tomorrow is the day - my wedding day. Right now, there are people all over setting up for the wedding and tonight we're having the rehearsal dinner. It is pure craziness all around the house, and I feel like I am walking in the middle of Times Square on New Year's Eve.

There isn't much of a rehearsal since we don't have a large wedding party and a relatively simple ceremony, so it only takes about ½ hour. After, our family and close friends go to John Howie Steakhouse in the Braven Shops which are pretty close to the Grey's house. We have a private room reserved just for us. I'm glad; I think everyone all together can make quite a ruckus, so it's to everyone's benefit we are separated.

I'm wearing a white Oscar de la Renta sheath dress with black embroidered flowers around the neckline and black strappy heels. Grace told me it's tradition to wear a white dress to the rehearsal dinner. Normally I don't like to wear white due to my pale skin but since I caught some sun in Mexico the white makes me actually look tan.

My dad, mom, and Aunt Donna are here in addition to the Grey's. The food and wine are fantastic, especially the Wagyu beef. Everyone is excited and talking with one another. I think five different conversations are going on at once. I'm getting a little overwhelmed and am in desperate need of a bathroom break. I lean over and whisper into Christian's ear, "I'll be right back. I have to visit the bathroom."

"Do you need me to show you where it is?" I'm not sure if he's kidding.

"No, I can find it." I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and get up to make my way to the women's room. The bathroom is large and well-appointed. It's one of those fancy rooms where the glass doors to the stall fog up when you lock the door. I will admit I opened and closed the door a couple of times just to see it. Before anyone thinks I am gone too long, I do my business and make my way back to our private dining room. That's when I hear someone call my name.

"Anastasia." That voice sounds familiar, but I can't quite place it. I turn around to see her - Elena Lincoln. The child molester herself.

"Is there something I can do for you, Elena?" I greet her cooly. My heart is racing, and my blood pressure has skyrocketed, I'm sure. But I don't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she has that effect on me.

"I need to speak with you." Her voice is commanding and unintentionally a vision of her as a cane-wielding Dom enters my mind.

"That's nice. But I'm busy and don't have time to speak with you. Have a great…"

"Oh, no you don't you little leech." She grabs my arm to stop me from turning around and leaving.

"Ow! What the hell are you doing?" I yell at her louder than I wanted to but she took me by surprise by grabbing me like that.

"How dare you take advantage of Christian by marrying him!" She is so angry her teeth are clenched together, and she is shaking.

"Um, what?" It was the only thing I could think of to say. What the fuck is she going on about?

"You heard me. You've bamboozled Christian into proposing to you. He's not the marrying kind. You are just with him for his money, and then once you have the first opportunity you're going to leave him to make bank." she points her finger in my face.

"First of all, I didn't _bamboozle_ anyone into doing anything. Second of all, you have no idea what Christian is or is not, nor do you know what my plans are."

"What are you doing here?" Christian's voice suddenly bellows from behind me. I turn around to see him seething with anger. He walks up to me and protectively places his arm around my waist pulling him close to his side and slightly behind him as if he is trying to keep me safe.

"I'm here with friends for a drink after work. Christian, you can't marry her. She's just using you. She doesn't understand you as I do. You're just blinded by what you think is love."

"What the fuck do you know about me and what I feel? Just because you are a frigid bitch, don't you dare think I am the same way." His voice is getting louder, and I am nervous we are going to make a scene in the restaurant. I start to look around to see if we are creating a scene.

"Christian, I know you very well and have for almost half your life."

"You don't know me. You know me physically, that's all. We don't have anything between each other. We fucked, and that's it." His eyes are radiating anger, and I don't think I have ever felt so uncomfortable in my life.

"What's going on here, Christian?" Grace's voice breaks the tension, and we all turn at once to see her glaring.

"Mom, I have this under control. You don't need to worry. Go back to the party." Christian tells Grace is a mollifying tone.

"From what I've heard, no, you don't have things under control. You two, you are going to join me outside for a conversation. Ana, honey, would you excuse us please?" Grace smiles at me sweetly, but I can tell she is definitely not happy.

Holy shit. This is what Grace Trevelyan Grey is like when she's angry. "Um, yeah, sure." I nod and quickly make my way back to the dinner where it looks like no one has noticed us missing.

A little while later, Grace and Christian walk back into the room. From the looks of both of them, things didn't go well. Grace dons a smile and joins the family as if nothing has happened.

"Are you OK?" I ask Christian quietly trying to study his face for some clues.

"I'm marrying the most beautiful woman in the world tomorrow, of course." He replies insincerely. I know he's trying to make me feel better about what just happened.

"Christian, it's me. You can tell me how you really feel." I say to him as I lightly caress his cheek with my hand.

He leans down and gives me a sweet kiss. "I will but not right now. I want us to enjoy our night. Everything is going to be OK. Don't worry."

I sigh but am resigned to the fact he won't say anything to me, at least not now. We re-join the party acting as if nothing has happened. But the whole time, I'm thinking about what just occurred.

The rest of the dinner goes smoothly, and we return to Bellevue and the Grey's house. "Ana, let me show you to your room," Grace tells me.

"Oh, um, sure…" I reply a bit shocked. I thought I would be staying with Christian in his room.

"Mom, we're getting married. Anastasia can just stay in my room with me." Christian tells her but sounds a little bit like a sulking teenager.

"Christian, it's tradition for the couple to spend the night apart, and this is my house where I make the rules. You're lucky you're staying under the same roof." Grace sounds angrier than she should be and I can't help wondering if this is punishment for the confrontation with Elena earlier this evening.

"Fine, but I am perfectly able to show Ana to her room. Ana, let's get your bags, and I'll show you." He holds his hand out to me, and I feel like a tennis ball during a match between Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe. Quietly, I follow Christian up to his bedroom where we put my bags earlier today.

He shuts the door behind us. "Are you OK?" I ask him before he has a chance to say anything.

"I should be asking you that." He says as he steps closer to me.

"I'm not the one who just had a massive confrontation with his mother and former lover." He flinches slightly when I say that but doesn't say anything.

"I'm going to miss you." He changes the subject.

"It's just one night, and I will be down the hall." I smile at him and laugh when he takes me quickly into his arms.

"I will miss having you next to me and being able to smell your hair." He pouts a little bit.

"Don't worry; you'll have me next to you for the rest of our lives."

He smiles at me and the corners of his eyes relax. "Good. Now let me show you to your room, Miss Steele." He bows slightly, picks up my bag, and steps back so I can exit the room first.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

 **APOV**

Kate, Mia, Grace, and my Mom help me get into my gown. The photographer has already taken a ton of pictures, some of them posed, and some are candid. I considered having some exclusive pictures, like a boudoir style, made just for Christian but I was afraid he would get mad at the photographer. I definitely don't need that on our wedding day.

"Anastasia Rose, you are beautiful. I am so happy for you." My mom tells me with tears in her eyes. She's waving her hands at her eyes to try and avoid messing up her makeup luckily we are all wearing waterproof mascara.

"Mom, don't start. If you start then I will and I don't want to cry. It already took long enough to get my makeup done." I tell my mom laughing through some tears.

"Oh, honey. Here…" mother digs a tissue out of her clutch and dabs my tears without messing up my makeup. "It's almost time. I'm going to take my seat. See you out there, sweetheart." She kisses me on the cheek just as there is a quiet knock on the door.

The door opens, and Ray is standing there looking slightly uncomfortable in his tuxedo. "Hey, Annie…" He tells me, his voice is cracking with emotion. He's not the type of guy to wear his heart on his sleeve, so this catches me off guard, and I almost start crying again.

"Ray, we have a beautiful daughter." my mom says to him as she goes to leave.

"I couldn't agree with you more, Carla."

"Hi, Daddy. You look so handsome." I say as I straighten his tie a little bit.

"Oh, this old thing?" He answers making me laugh, possibly a little harder than I should. "How are you feeling, baby doll?"

My voice chokes a little bit when I go to answer him. "OK, nervous."

"You have nothing to be nervous about. That Christian is one lucky man. He better treat you right, or he'll have me to answer to." Ray tries to sound tough, but I know better.

"Daddy, I'm the lucky one. He treats me like a princess."

"Good. I just want you happy. That's all I ever wanted for my little girl."

"Oh, Dad." And that's it - I'm done as I start to cry. Quickly I dab my tears with the tissue.

Ray and I are standing at the end of the aisle decorated with beautiful white ranunculus, lily of the valley, light pink garden roses, pink and white peonies, and enchanting branches.

I look ahead to the other end of the aisle and Christian is standing under a floral canopy in front of curved hedges that are a part of the garden. He is so handsome that he takes my breath away. Elliot is standing next to him and smiles at me. Kate and Mia are on the other side of Christian already starting to cry. How am I going to make it through this ceremony without tears?

"Dawn" by Jean-Yves Thibaudet on piano begins to play as Ray, and I make our way down the aisle to Christian. When we get there, I can see him let out a deep breath. Ray places my hand in Christian's, kisses me on the cheek and whispers to me, "I love you, Annie." I hold in my tears as much as possible as Ray shakes Christian's hand and tells him, "Take care of my little girl, Son."

"I intend to, Sir." Christian replies his voice is shaky giving away his nervousness. Ray walks to his seat next to my mom. Christian looks at me; his eyes are twinkling brightly and smiles. "You are magnificent, Anastasia." To this day he can still make me blush.

The ceremony flies by in a blur and before I know it, Judge Dixon, an old friend of Carrick's and our officiant announces, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. Christian, you may kiss your bride."

Christian extravagantly dips me and kisses me like we're in a movie from the 1940's. I yelp in surprise, and I can hear our guests cheer us on. Next, I hear Andy Grammer's "Good To Be Alive play" before we make our way back down the aisle with Elliot, Mia, and Kate following behind us.

We disappear into the house to wait for everyone to make their way down the path from the garden to where the reception is and we can make our first entrance as man and wife. As we are waiting for the rest of the wedding party and our parents, Christian looks at me and with a natural smile says to me, "Looks like we did it, Mrs. Grey." He kisses my cheek.

I turn to look at him, "It appears we have, Mr. Grey." I stand on my tiptoes to give him a sweet peck on the lips. Even wearing high heels Christian is still taller than I am. The pictures go well, and the photographer is happy, so we walk down the path lit with little lanterns to the reception area.

The scene is breathtaking. I don't know how to describe it except as a large tented structure with a glass, see-through ceiling, twinkling lights, and chandeliers. It's the perfect elegant garden wedding. It's more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

In the center of each of the tables are the same flowers as in my bouquet housed in mercury glass vases with small delicate candles surrounding them. I feel like I am walking in a dream. "Anastasia, you look so beautiful and happy." Grace comes up to give me a hug and greet me.

"Oh, Grace, I don't think I could be happier than I am right now," I assure her and she smiles in response.

"I have never seen Christian so joyous - even with everything that has gone on; I can tell you are very good for him. I am so glad you are a part of our family." Grace's eyes tear up slightly.

"Grace, that goes both ways."

"Excuse me, may I speak with my wife?" Christian interrupts us breaking the heaviness of our conversation.

"Of course, darling." She replies. Then she gives me a kiss on the cheek and walks toward a table where Christian's grandparents are sitting.

"Anastasia, you look stunning. If I had known this, I would have married you sooner." I give him my best, "yeah right" look.

"How are things between you and your mom?" I ask him nervously. It's a terrible time to ask, but quite honestly I don't know when I'll get the chance again.

"Um, well, my mom is pissed. Really pissed. She called Elena a whore and told her she is a deplorable excuse for a human being. Elena was so shocked that she was speechless."

"Whoa…" I am shocked Grace spoke like that, but I know she is very protective of her children.

"Yeah, my mom is cutting ties with her for everything."

"What about you?" I ask him not sure if I want to hear his answer.

"Anastasia, I let her out of my life the moment I met you. I just didn't realize it. But, now it's official. Nothing is tying us together anymore."

"Oh." I don't know what else to say. I'm sad he's lost a friend, but inside I am jumping for joy that the bitch is finally out of his life. And, out of my life for that matter.

He chuckles, "Ana, I appreciate you looking penitent, but I know you're happy about it and that's OK. I should have cut ties with her long ago so you wouldn't have to deal with her."

"All I care about is you and your happiness, Christian," I whisper looking into his smoky gray eyes. They change color slightly depending on his mood. Sometimes it's the only way I can tell how he is feeling.

"Ditto." He leans down and gives me a modest kiss on the lips. "Tonight you are mine, Anastasia," he whispers, and I can immediately feel my cheeks heat up.

Before I have a chance to respond, we are called to our table to be seated for dinner. Christian and I both have the salmon with lemon and garlic and seasonal vegetables. We are seated together at our private table, but I can still hear Christian's grandmother carrying on. It actually is making me laugh - especially when I realize this is now my family too. She is quite the character.

After dinner, we cut the cake and luckily, it was relatively uneventful. It is a beautiful cake with white buttercream icing adorned with flowers and a simple intertwined C and A. It tastes just as good as it looks, a hazelnut praline cake with a chocolate espresso filling.

A little while after the cake, Christian and I gather on the dance floor for our first song - "The One" by Kodaline. It's not a traditional first dance song, but it is very fitting for us. The first time I heard the song I smiled and immediately thought of Christian. During the dance, I look over at my mom, and she is standing with Grace, and the both of them are wiping their eyes with tissues. It makes me wish I could take a picture of them.

After our first dance, I dance with Ray to "Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder. We laugh more than we cry, mostly because Ray is not the best dancer. After that, Christian dances with Grace to "If I could" by Barbra Streisand. There definitely is not a dry eye in the place. It's sweet to see Christian finally be affectionate with his mom. It's obvious at this moment that any hard feelings she had towards Christian for the Elena fiasco are melted away. She is proudly beaming at him.

We dance so much I can't feel my feet any longer. Every time I go to take a break and sit down, someone else would ask me to dance. Who am I to turn anyone down at my wedding?


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

 **CPOV**

After an extremely long flight, we finally land in London. I've been here before when I was younger and again on business, but I am excited to show Ana what it's like and all the great places to see. The first day we take it easy since jet lag hit Ana pretty hard, she could barely keep her eyes open. So, we just took a peaceful cruise on the Thames and rode a cab around town.

The following day we visit Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle. I am reminded of when Ana said she thought my apartment in Escala was "big." This place makes Escala look like a garden shed. On the way back we stop at this little shop for tea and scones where Ana finally gets her authentic English tea. She looks so adorable that I can't help snapping pictures of her which she is not fond of; some of these are definitely going to become my phone wallpaper. I didn't want to cram too much sightseeing into each day so that we can still have time to relax. Therefore, I've planned only a couple places to visit each day - the rest of the day is open for us to do whatever we like. But, I know what I would like to do with our free time.

Our private guide takes us to St. Paul's Cathedral, which is quiet as Ana and I walk around holding hands. "You know, it's over 500 steps to the top of the dome. Think you can do it?" I smirk at her knowing she isn't one to back down from a challenge. By the time we get to the top, Ana is out of breath.

"OK, maybe I should see Claude Bastille." She tells me with her hands up as if she is surrendering. She turns around to see the view, "Oh, Christian, look at the city! It's amazing." I point out the London Eye to her and a couple of other points of interest. We take our time admiring the view and allow Ana to catch her breath. After that, we tour the White Garden of Kensington Palace.

Our final spot is the Tower of London with a tour to see the Crown Jewels. St. Edward's Crown is like something I've never seen before. I tell Ana if she thought her engagement ring is ostentatious, she should imagine wearing that crown. Of course, I don't think her ring is ostentatious - it tells the world she is mine.

The following day Anastasia wants to ride in a double-decker bus, so against my instincts, I give in, and we take the bus to St. James's Park. Luckily the trip was uneventful. We get off the bus and walk around while Ana enjoys some ice cream. She was so excited for the ice cream; I couldn't resist. She was like a little kid. But just as we are passing by Duck Island, a paparazzo realizes who we are and tries to snap some pics of us before our security convinces him to stop.

Even after that, I am still slightly shocked to see our pictures and an article about our honeymoon in the newspaper the next morning as Anastasia and I are enjoying our breakfast. I was hoping we aren't as recognizable here in the UK, but I was wrong. So, now, I am going to have to hire extra security for the rest of the honeymoon. The thought is very displeasing since I will worry more about Ana's safety than anything else.

We take it easy today and just visit an antique market. Later in the day, I surprise Ana with a spa package at the Ritz Salon. She first gets the Signature Deluxe massage which should help to relieve her tired muscles from walking around all the tourist spots. Following her massage are a luxurious pedicure and manicure. While she is getting her spa treatments, I take the time to catch up on some work.

That evening, we decide to have dinner in our suite at the 41 Hotel. I get to relax by making love to my wife under the stars with our open ceiling. She lays in my arms and I unconsciously stroke up and down her back with my hand. "You see that?" I ask Ana as I point up through the glass ceiling at the stars above. "That's Ursa Minor or the Little Dipper."

"Really? I was never good at that. Ray always tried to show me, and I just couldn't get it." I quietly laugh as I picture Ray trying to keep his patience with little girl Ana.

"Well, if you look over there, that's Virgo, and in Virgo, you can see Jupiter."

"Virgo is my sign." Her voice is filled with wonder.

"I know. Virgo is the virgin. It's kind of hard to forget."

"Where's Cancer?" she asks me honestly interested.

"I don't think we can see it from here."

"How did you learn all this? Did you take astronomy in school?"

"No, I was just a kid without friends so while Elliot and everyone else was at the movies or sleepovers with their friends, I was at home staring out my window. Then one summer my grandfather took me camping, and we sat by the fire for hours while he showed me all the stars and constellations."

"That camping trip sounds wonderful. And now, you're teaching me, and you'll teach our children." She tells me. I pause since I haven't really thought about having children except in the abstract. She looks up at me and smiles. "Don't worry; we have a while yet. You still have time to brush up on your astronomy."

The rest of our time in London is fantastic. We tour the Victoria & Albert Museum, have a picnic in Hyde Park, and as a surprise, I take Ana to the Twinings Museum. She takes a tea masterclass where she gets to try different kinds of tea right from Twinings. I think she was in seventh heaven.

We saw a production of Othello at the Globe Theater, and then I was able to score a private tour of the British Library. Ana was over the moon. "Christian Trevelyan Grey, you are the most romantic and amazing husband ever!" She is practically squealing with excitement once we arrive. We got to see one of the four copies of the Magna Carta, a Gutenberg Bible, the oldest known complete New Testament, as well as works by Da Vinci and Michelangelo. I enjoyed seeing original scores by Beethoven, Mozart, and Handel. Ana was so mesmerized by Jane Austen's diary and manuscripts by Charles Dickens, Lewis Carroll, and James Joyce that I had to peel her away practically.

I wanted to make our last night in London special, so first, Ana and I have a private capsule for a ride on the London Eye, followed by tickets to Phantom of the Opera. Of course, we have the best seats in the house, and although I have seen the show before, I enjoy it more with Ana and experiencing it with her. She was literally on the edge of her seat throughout most of the show, and I'm pretty sure I saw tears in her eyes towards the end.

After the show, we have dinner at Gordon Ramsey's restaurant - I've always wanted to eat here. The decor of the restaurant is elegant yet understated. The maitre d' pisses me off however because I can tell he is checking out Anastasia. We order the prestige tasting menu, and luckily I am impressed with the food, highlights were the lamb and langoustine ravioli. We finish the night with a romantic walk through the city and a luxurious bath in our ensuite.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

 **APOV**

London was absolutely fantastic. Christian really went all out for it. I am so lucky to be his wife. We just arrived in Paris, and as soon as I enter the Grand Palais Suite at the La Reserve hotel, I feel like royalty.

"Christian, I love this, but you spent way too much of your money on this," I tell him, worried that he's overspent on me when he didn't need to. I would have been happy staying anywhere.

"Anastasia, first, it's our money, and second, no amount of money can be too much for you." He tells me as his thumb gently grazes my bottom lip. "You need to get used to it. I am going to spoil you every day for the rest of my life. I, we, can afford it." He leans down and sweetly kisses me.

"I'm going to disagree, but I won't argue. Thank you." I tell him returning his kiss.

He gives me a slow smile. "Good. Now, it's about lunchtime, what would you like to do?"

"I don't know. You pick." I tell him, completely overwhelmed with the city so far.

"I need to feed you as you didn't eat much at breakfast. So, how about some lunch and then we visit the Eiffel Tower?"

"That sounds amazing." The driver and security take us to Le Grand Café des Capucines. We walk in the door and Christian immediately transitions into speaking perfect French. He's a natural at it, and even though I've heard him speak it before with Mia, it's a bit mesmerizing.

We are seated at a table with gorgeous dark red velvet chairs and classic white linen tablecloth. It seems like the quintessential French restaurant. The decor is fabulous with dark wood carved into art nouveau designs and brightly colored opaque swirled glass. It's almost like I've stepped into The Great Gatsby.

The waiter comes to our table, "Bienvenue. Puis-je vous apporter quelque chose à boire ou un peu de vin?"

Christian quickly responds, "Je vous remercie. La dame et moi aimerions avoir une bouteille de votre meilleur Sancerre et un verre d'eau pour chacun de nous."

"Oui. Merci Monsieur." the waiter responds and quickly retreats back to I assume the kitchen.

"So, Mrs. Grey, what would you like to eat?" he asks me this seemingly innocuous question, but there is an underlying current of sensuality.

"I'll go with whatever you're having," I answer him breathlessly. He smirks at me and his eyes twinkle with mirth.

The waiter comes back with our glasses of wine. "Votre Vin, Monsieur. Puis-Je prendre votre commande?"

Confidently, Christian responds, "Nous aurons le steak et les frites avec sauce béarnaise et les légumes verts que le chef a préparés."

The waiter nods, "Tres bien Monsieur." Then he takes our menus and leaves. As we wait for our meal, I ask Christian about his previous visits to Paris to give me an idea of what we will see while we are here.

The meal is fantastic, probably one of the best I ever had. And to Christian's delight, I am full and could not eat another bite. After we eat, the driver takes us to the Eiffel Tower. The line to get in is really long, and I'm afraid it may take us a couple of hours of waiting in line to get there.

But, of course, there is no waiting for Mr. Christian Grey. The CPO walks over to the information desk, and almost immediately an employee of the tower walks to us and guides us to the front of the line welcoming both Christian and me to the Eiffel Tower. "Even in France, your name has influence?" I jokingly remark to my gorgeous husband.

He gives me a cocky smirk. "I suppose so. Come on, Mrs. Grey. The tower awaits." He grabs my hand and leads me to the stairs so we can ascend to the first floor. He can't stop laughing when I am scared to walk on the see-through floor.

Finally, we get to the summit on the third floor. The view is outstanding. As I stand there looking at the view of the Arc de Triomphe, I try not to think about how high up we are. Christian joins me, "Beautiful, isn't it?"

When I turn to him, he hands me a glass of champagne. "To us, Mrs. Grey."

I take the glass, "To us, Mr. Grey." Christian then takes a red box out of his pocket and hands it to me. I look at the top, and it has written Cartier in gold. When I open it, I see it is a beautiful bangle bracelet with three intertwined yellow gold, rose gold, and white gold bangles all encrusted with diamonds.

I gasp when I open it. "Christian," I look up at him. "It's beautiful. I love it."

He takes it out of the box and places it on my wrist, "The pink, yellow and white gold bands symbolize love, fidelity, and friendship. Because you are my best friend and the love of my life forever."

"You are romantic, do you know that?" I step up on my tiptoes and kiss him. Suddenly we hear the sound of a shutter, and when we turn, we see a paparazzo has taken our picture.

Under my breath, I say, "oh no…" but Christian hears me.

"It's OK, Ana. That's one picture of us I don't mind being in the papers. Everyone will know you're mine."

"Everyone already knows that." I smile, relieved that Christian is calm and hasn't freaked out as I expected him to.

"Good. Now, let's go back to the hotel to relax, shall we?" he asks me.

Christian and I are soaking in the large claw-foot tub surrounded by opulent marble in the ensuite bathroom. The scent of jasmine and musk fills the humid air. Christian gently rubs my shoulders as he kisses my head. "So, baby, what would you like to do tomorrow?"

"Hmmm, maybe visit Montmartre or the Louvre? Or maybe Versailles?" There are so many places I want to visit it 's hard to make up my mind.

"We can make that happen." Christian replies matter-of-factly.

The following day, Gustavo, our private guide picks us up at the hotel. He gives us a history of Versailles on the 45-minute drive there. I am impressed with how knowledgeable Gustavo is, especially since I know Christian is asking some pretty difficult questions, I think it is to stump him purposely.

Our tour is great, and I am happy for our privileged status as we got to see many things the regular tourists don't get to, and in relative privacy. First, we see the Council Study and the King's Chamber; then we walk through the Hall of Mirrors. Christian makes me laugh when he takes me in his arms and waltzes me through the hall like we are at a royal ball. Gustavo is able to get us access to the Royal Quarters including Louis XVI's library, the formal dining room, the clock room, and the corner room. After the palace, we see the Royal Opera House which was built in 1770 to commemorate the marriage of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette.

In the early afternoon, we get some private time to stroll through the beautiful gardens and take in the fountains. I am especially impressed about the usage of gravitational hydraulics to be able to get water to each of the fountains.

Once at the Louvre, we enter downstairs via the metro stop, which seems to bypass all the lines outside. Once inside, Gustavo tells us a brief history of the museum. The first things he shows us are the three great ladies - the Venus de Milo, the Victory of Samothrace, and the Mona Lisa. I briefly wonder how we can look at the Mona Lisa without a crowd, but I am happy for the opportunity.

After about three hours, and many, many steps walked, we return to the hotel suite for some room service and relaxation.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

 **CPOV**

We board a train at the Gare d'Austerlitz station in Paris and head towards Toulouse in the south of France. The ride is about four and a half hours, and my sweet Anastasia rests her head on my shoulder and peacefully falls asleep.

I don't think I could be as happy as I am now - especially when I thought not that long ago I had lost her forever. Now I know that I will never let my Anastasia go no matter what may happen. I need her like I need air to breathe.

When we arrive in Toulouse, our driver is waiting to take us to our hotel, the La Cour des Consuls Hotel. It is nicely appointed, and our suite is plush yet chic. The private terrace offers a peaceful view where we can sit and enjoy each other's company with a glass of wine or champagne.

It doesn't take me long to get ready, so I catch up on some emails for work while Anastasia dresses for dinner at Michel Sarran. The chef's flagship restaurant is a two Michelin star restaurant here in Toulouse. He is known for using local ingredients and combining his classic French cooking with cuisines from his extensive travels around the world.

When Anastasia walks out of the bedroom and into the living room, she makes my heart beat out of my chest. She's wearing a black Oscar de la Renta cocktail dress with three-quarter sleeves, a lace top, and full taffeta skirt. I purchased it for her while we were in Paris, much to her chagrin. Her black Christian Louboutin follies lace pumps make her shapely legs look a mile long. I give her a wolf whistle which makes her blush. You'd think she would know how gorgeous and sexy she is.

"Damn, baby, I'm tempted to cancel our reservations and keep you home. After all, I know you are quite the delicacy, and I could feast on you all night long. But, since I despise the thought of my wife feeling hungry, I think we should go. Are you ready?"

She looks into my eyes and quietly nods yes.

We are in a private dining room, and I am pleased that the waitstaff, while attentive, was very discreet and barely noticeable. We order the Chef's Surprise which is created just for us by Sarran himself. All in all, it's a very romantic dinner - perfect for a honeymoon. At least, I'm pretty sure it is. I'm still new at this hearts and flowers shit. Anastasia really seemed to enjoy dinner, so I think I did OK.

The following day we walk around the quaint streets of Toulouse just enjoying ourselves and the town around us. Throughout the day we stop to tour the Mairie de Toulouse, the Basilique Saint-Sernin, the Cathédrale Saint-Etienne as well as a stop for a leisurely lunch of cassoulet.

We finish the last few days in the French Riviera at Avignon, Aix-en-Provence, and Annecy. In Avignon, we walked through the medieval city, toured the Papal Palace. After we visited Aix-en-Provence, we head to Marseille where we will finish our remarkable honeymoon on a yacht cruising up the coast to Monaco.

In Marseille, we tour the city with the small fishing boats nestled between the yachts. The interesting point of Marseille is the infamous Chateau d'If, where the Count of Monte Cristo escaped. Of course, Anastasia is familiar with that work, although I think she is more familiar with Alexandre Dumas' other work, La Dame aux Camélias. I smile as I think of that - it was when I visited her in Savannah where we talked about it before she left me initially. How much has changed since then? If only I had admitted to myself I loved her, even then.

In Saint Tropez, we leave the yacht in the harbor and spend the day lounging in the sun on Escalet Beach. Anastasia and I were able to tuck away into a quiet corner on the beach. Ana is so fucking sexy in her blue brush stroke bandeau bikini and hipster bottoms. Even though I bought the bikini for her, and she definitely wears it well, I can't help but get jealous when I see a group of young guys blatantly staring at her. Of course, sweet Anastasia doesn't even notice them gawking. It takes everything I have in me to not rush over there and beat the living shit out of them.

By sundown, we are back in the relative safety of the boat and head towards our next destination of Nice. Our boat docks where we then board a train headed to Nice. A suite at Le Negresco is our home away from home for the next couple of nights. We arrive in Nice at around dinner time and have a quiet dinner on the deck per Ana's request. The following day, we tour the markets of Vieux Nice, stroll along the Promenade des Anglais along the coast, and explore Chagall and Matisse museums. The Matisse museum was interesting, although I'm not a huge fan of neo-impressionism, but I do appreciate the unusual nature of it. The Chagall museum is very different from the Matisse museum, but the collection of Chagall's work is quite impressive. On our last evening in Nice, we have dinner at Jan which brings together modern French cuisine with a South African flare. It was very nice and different from the usual heavy french meals we've eaten on our honeymoon.

Our first night in Monte Carlo, Anastasia and I see Hélène at the Opera de Monte-Carlo. I remember reading about Helen of Troy in Virgil's Aeneid. _The face that launched a thousand ships_. Ana has that type of beauty. I stand on the deck of our yacht in my tux admiring the view when Ana comes up to me in a white Monique Lhuillier strapless silk-blend column gown in a colorful splashed print. The sweetheart neckline is incredibly flattering for her, and her hair is in a low chignon allowing easy access to her graceful neck. I love it when she looks sweet and innocent, like the girl who fell into my office. But when she looks like this her real beauty comes out, like a butterfly emerging from her cocoon.

The rest of the time in Monte Carlo is spent walking along the harbor, at the casino, shopping, and at the beach. I got a beautiful picture of Anastasia at the casino square that I think I will have framed for my desk at work. I give her the diamond and aquamarine earrings I purchased for her earlier today at Dior. Ana hates shopping and didn't want to buy anything, so I decided to get her something myself. I love lavishing her with gifts; she deserves the best of everything.

Our honeymoon was perfect, and I've fallen even more in love with Anastasia. She is selfless and caring, innocent, sweet, and beautiful inside and out. If our honeymoon is any indication of how our marriage is going to be, I think we will be very blissful for years to come.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

 **APOV**

We got home from our honeymoon a couple of days ago, and I am drained. You would think things would have died down by now since our wedding, but there was a crowd of paparazzi outside of Escala when we arrived home.

Christian and I are laying in bed, it's about 10 in the evening, and we go back to work tomorrow. "I don't want to return to the real world tomorrow." I muse to him with my head on his chest.

"You know you don't have to, right?" He tells me. I do not want to resurrect that argument again.

"I know, but you know I like my job and I am good at it." I plead with him.

"Can't blame me for trying, right? I wonder how many billionaires' wives work?" He asks me in jest.

"At least one…" I stop to yawn, suddenly feeling exhausted.

"Time for bed, Mrs. Grey." he kisses me and turns off the bedside lamp.

The following morning, I'm standing in my closet trying to pick something to wear. After the past three weeks of being on vacation, I don't want to put on restricting work clothes. Christian has already left for work, Ros scheduled an early morning meeting for them to catch up on everything he's missed. He is like the Energizer Bunny; he keeps going and going.

Finally, I decide on some skinny black pants, a white blouse, and a blue jacket with flats. Because of the paparazzi, Christian doesn't want me to drive, so Sawyer drives me and walks me into the office. I get to my desk, and there isn't much on it which is a good sign. However, when I open my email it is an entirely different story, I must have hundreds of emails in my inbox.

I decide to surprise Christian and visit him at the office for lunch. I haven't seen him for over four hours, and this is the longest I've gone without seeing him since we've been married.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Grey. Congratulations! Mr. Grey is in his office, go ahead in." Andrea greets me.

"Thank you, Andrea. Christian told me you are adopting a baby and will be out on leave for a little while. Congratulations to you!" I tell her. I didn't even know Andrea had a spouse until I met her husband at our wedding.

"Thank you. Hopefully, everything will go smoothly since we have to travel to China to pick her up. It hasn't been an easy process, and we've already been waiting for her for a long time." Andrea's smile is contagious, and I find myself getting excited just talking to her.

I open the door to Christian's office, and he is concentrating on something on his laptop. His eyebrows are furrowed and he looks deep in thought. He looks absolutely adorable right now. He looks up at me and immediately gets a huge grin on his face as the look of frustration melts away.

"Well, isn't this a wonderful surprise? You're the best thing I've seen all day." He gets up to greet me and leans down to give me a modest kiss.

"I missed you," I tell him. He gives me a sly smile.

"Good."

"What will you do without Andrea here for three months?" I ask him. I know Christian is not the easiest person to work for but she manages to keep him organized.

He sighs. "Andrea said she is getting a temp who will be able to keep up. But I'm skeptical. Maybe you can fill in for her while she's gone." He teases me and raises one eyebrow at me.

I laugh both at the look he is giving me and the thought of me working for him. "That would be a huge mistake!"

"You're right. I'd never get any work done with you here."

"So, are we going to eat or stand around and talk all day?" I ask him, half-joking.

"Why didn't you say so? I need to feed my woman." He takes my hand and leads me out of his office.

"Good luck, Andrea! Safe travels and when you are settled I'd love to visit you and your daughter." I tell Andrea as we leave.

"Thank you, Mrs. Grey. I would love that."

Andrea has been gone for about a week and Christian hasn't said much about her temporary replacement. He can be such a bear when he is stressed and is very particular. I kind of feel bad for any replacement he gets. Andrea is used to him and can head him off at the pass most times.

Tonight we're going on a date - out to dinner at Tulio Ristorante. I'm ridiculously excited for our date since it seems like I've rarely had one-on-one time with Christian since we've been back.

Around 5 o'clock, my cell phone rings with the telltale ringtone telling me it's Christian.

"Hello, Mr. Grey. I am just about to leave the office to come and meet you. I wanted to stop off at home first to change."

"That's why I called. I'm sorry, Anastasia. Something has come up and I have to work late. I won't be able to make our dinner date." He sounds stressed and frustrated.

"Oh, do you want me to change the reservation so we can go later?"

"No, I'm not sure how long I will be. I'm sorry, baby. I'll see you when I get home. I have to go."

"Oh, um… OK. See you later. I love you." Christian has never canceled anything on me, especially anything that has to do with food and eating.

"I love you too." He hangs up the phone before I can say anything else. I get home to the empty apartment since Gail and Taylor have the night off because we weren't supposed to be home. What am I going to do now I have the evening to myself?

I go into the bedroom and draw a bubble bath. I take a leisurely soak in the tub, then I change into pajamas and slip into bed with a favorite book of mine, Persuasion by Jane Austen. I'm woken up and confused, the room is dark and I have no idea what time it is. I realize the reason I woke up is that Christian just got into bed next to me.

"Christian? Are you just getting home?" I ask groggily.

"Yeah, baby. Sorry, I woke you."

"What time is it?"

"It's after 1. Go to sleep."

Before I can even wrap my head around it, I fall asleep again not to wake until morning. When I wake up, Christian isn't in bed. I head out to the kitchen and find him at the breakfast bar reading the paper.

"Good morning." I greet him.

"Good morning, baby. Sorry about last night."

"Oh, it's OK. What time did you get home?"

"It was after 1 a.m."

"Wow, and you were working the whole time?"

His brow furrows, "Of course, what else would I have been doing?"

"I was just wondering since you've never stayed that late before." I shrug.

At lunchtime, I decide to bring Christian some lunch. He was so busy yesterday that I figure he could use a treat. I pick up a tomato pie and Caesar salad from Pagliacci Pizza.

I get to his office floor and there is no one there. Maybe the temp is at lunch or something. Too bad, I wanted to meet her and offer her some encouragement if she is having a hard time.

Holding our lunch, I enter Christian's office without knocking. There is a very attractive brunette woman next to Christian as they study something on his desk. Her top is low-cut, so much that I can see her boobs and her lacy bra. That seems pretty inappropriate to wear to work.

Christian looks up at me and smiles. "Hey baby, what a pleasant surprise."

"I thought you might be hungry so I brought us a tomato pie and a Caesar salad. Who's this?" It may be rude to ask, but I wasn't introduced, so I took it upon myself.

"Oh, hi. I'm Rebecca, Mr. Grey's new assistant." She walks towards me as if she is on a runway. She is wearing a cheap smelling, overly sweet perfume that invades my nostrils before she even gets to me. It's giving me a headache.

I give her a cold smile - cordial but not friendly. I don't trust her but I know Christian wouldn't cheat on me. But I still don't like her working so closely with him, especially since she is a brunette. I shake her hand and she looks back at Christian, so he nods to her indicating he wants her to leave.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

 **APOV**

Christian had to cancel a date once again a couple of days later. So, that's twice he has had to work late since we've been married. I know many married couples even work different shifts and barely see each other. And, I'm actually fortunate that my husband, mogul CEO, is home as much as he is. But, it doesn't mean I have to like it.

Rachel and I are sitting in a meeting with Mr. Roach. "I know it's short notice, but there is an editor's conference in Portland that starts Thursday. I think it would be great for both of you to go. There are going to be some great new talent and some good connections. Ana, can you make the arrangements? I'll have Janice send you the information."

"Sure, Mr. Roach. How many days will we be in Portland, if I may ask?"

"Not a problem, it starts Thursday and ends on Saturday morning. It's at the Heathman Hotel. If you've never been there, it's a very nice hotel, and their restaurant is pretty good too." I don't think I want to tell Mr. Roach how I am familiar with the Heathman so I just keep quiet and hope I'm not blushing as much as I feel like I am.

That evening, when I get home, I tell Christian about the conference. "Want to come with me for old time's sake?" I ask him cheekily. "Maybe we can get the same room."

Christian gives me a sly smile. "I think that would be an excellent idea and I don't have much going on this week, either. Think we can continue where we left off in that elevator?"

Wednesday evening Christian comes home from work, "Hey baby, I've got some bad news." he tells me as he takes his suit jacket off and lays it on one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

"Oh no, what happened?" I stop what I am doing and walk over to him.

"I can't go to Portland with you. The owners of a shipyard in South Korea we are trying to by want to have a meeting with us. The deal could depend on this."

"Oh, that stinks. But, I understand. It's only a couple of days." I tried to hide my disappointment.

"I got you a surprise. Close your eyes." He suddenly demands.

"Christian, what is the occasion?" I'm confused and start to wonder if maybe I have forgotten an important day.

"I don't need a special occasion to give my wife a gift. Now, I said close your eyes." I close my eyes and hold out my hand. I feel a weight in my hand, but I know it's something small - like a jewelry box. I open the box and inside are beautiful diamond stud earrings.

"Christian, these are beautiful. Thank you." I say to him as I put them on.

The conference is great. I learn a lot and made some great connections, but I do miss Christian. Rachel teases me when I leave the networking party early and go back to my room to call Christian.

His phone rings more than normal - he usually picks up after the first ring. I almost think I'm going to get his voicemail.

"Grey." he's terse, and I start to regret calling him. He's probably working on that shipyard deal.

"Hey, am I interrupting you?" I ask.

"Um… no, no you're not." I hear rustling in the background and imagine him trying to fold a bunch of maps or something. Quietly, I hear him say to someone, "What? No, it's Ana."

"Christian, I can let you go and talk to you later if you're busy." I'm taken off-kilter since I have never felt as if I was interrupting him before normally he is happy to hear from me.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm in the middle of something. Good night, Anastasia." He sounds distracted.

"Good night, Christian. I love you."

"Love you too." Then, before I can say anything else, he hangs up. Feeling a little crestfallen, I decide to turn in

Saturday after the conference I head home. I get to the apartment, and I foolishly get disappointed when Christian isn't waiting for me in the great room. Does this mean the honeymoon is over? I walk to his office, and I stand in the doorway while he is on the phone. He finishes his call, looks up at me and smiles.

"How was Portland?" He asks me as he walks up to me.

"It was good. Although, I was a little chilly in the bed all by myself." I bat my eyelashes at him.

"Well, I'm sure there is some way I can make up for that."

It's Sunday, and I am driving up to Montesano to visit with Ray. Christian has made plans with Elliot and his Dad, so I thought it would be nice to have some father-daughter time. It's about an hour and a half one way, so it's a nice little drive.

"Christian, you are the best and most patient and most generous husband in the world." I try to butter him up for what I am about to ask.

He gives me a silly crooked smile. "Mrs. Grey, I sense you are trying to flatter me. So, what is the reason for this?"

"Well, you'll be with Elliot and your Dad, and I seem to remember the R8 only has two seats so you won't be able to drive in it with them."

"Yes…" He urges me to continue with his eyebrow raised.

"Can I borrow the R8 to drive to Ray's? Please?"

He gives me a smoldering look, "OK, but if you break it, you won't be able to sit for a week. Understand?"

"Yes. Thank you, Sir." He laughs and smacks my ass in response.

"Be careful, OK baby?"

"I will. Laters, baby." I say and start to walk to the foyer towards the elevator.

I want to have fun, so I take the 101 instead of the faster I-5. This car is great, and it corners like it's on rails. I've never felt a clutch so smooth; this car is an absolute joy to drive.

Ray and I have lunch at the Crow's Nest for cheeseburgers and tater tots. I've missed this stuff. Christian has a great palate for food and wine, but he rarely eats junk food.

Ray looks good and healthy. Sometimes I worry that he doesn't take care of himself. He tells me he's joined a fishing club that meets weekly at Friends Landing. Before I know it, it's time to head back home.

"Dad, you should come to Seattle for a weekend. There's plenty of room." I tell him.

"Alright, Annie, I'll think about it. Drive safe and don't speed. Let me know when you get home, so I don't worry."

"OK. Bye, Dad." I say as I kiss him on the cheek goodbye. The visit with Ray was way too short, but I'm glad I got to see him.

The drive back home is a lot of fun, and before I know it, I am back in the parking garage at Escala. I go to text Ray to let him know I'm home and I stupidly drop my phone between the console and seat. "Shit!" I squeeze my hand between and try to feel around for my phone. It must have really fallen down there. Suddenly, I feel something strange, and I don't know what it is. I grab hold of it and gingerly pull it up, so I don't lose whatever it is.

The blood drains from my face when I see what it is and I am immediately nauseous. I actually think I may throw up and my heart is pounding. I am holding a lacy pair of panties. And they aren't mine.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

 **APOV**

" _Don't freak out,"_ I tell myself. Christian wouldn't do that to me. Why would he when he is the one that wanted me back? This is probably from a previous relationship, and he didn't realize it was there. It has to be that. Right?

I make my way up to the apartment and try to push the nagging feeling to the back of my head. I walk into the great room and Christian is in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of wine.

"Hey, baby. You're back. How is Ray? Want a glass of wine?" I walk over to him.

"Ray is doing well. We had a lovely time. Sure, I'll take some wine." He hands me the glass he just poured and takes out a new glass to pour some for himself.

"That's good. How is my other woman?"

 _Other woman? What the fuck?_ "Um… what?" I stutter nervously.

"My R8?" he chuckles.

"Oh, right. She is a very nice drive. And you'll be happy to know she is still in perfect condition."

"That's my girl. You know, the thought of you with all that horsepower turns me on. It's lucky I didn't go along with you or I would have had to have you right in the car."

"Surely, car sex is old hat for you."

"Actually, Mrs. Grey, It's something I have never done before. It would be another first." His voice is low and seductive.

I am momentarily stunned by this bit of news. He's been open with me about his previous sexual experiences, so why wouldn't he tell me now? "You OK Ana? You look like you accidentally swallowed a bug."

"Oh, no, I was just thinking about car sex." I manage to stammer out.

"You look tired. Let's take a bath." He says to me, and wordlessly, I take his offered hand and follow him to the bathroom, not sure what to think. As hard as I try to forget what happened, it still nags at me, always there in the background.

* * *

 **CPOV**

It's Monday, and I am meeting Elliot for lunch at the Pike Pub for our customary lunch. "Hey, bro." he greets me in typical Elliot fashion.

"Hello, Elliot."

"Dude, why do you always sound like a robot?"

"Because I don't want to sound like an idiot," I tell him as I take my seat at the table. He's the only person who I allow to speak with me like that, except Ana.

"Good afternoon. I'm Ashley, and I'll be your server today." She pauses and looks at us and blushes. It's almost like she short-circuits as she tries to stammer out the rest of her spiel. "Um, can I start you off with something to, um, drink?"

"I'll have the Space Needle Golden IPA." Elliot orders. She writes down his order and looks at me for mine.

I don't like to drink if I am going to work, so I just order water. Elliot smirks at me, and the waitress walks away. Quickly Ashley returns with our drinks and takes our lunch order.

While we wait for our burgers, Elliot tells me, "I forgot to thank you for lending me the R8 the other night. It made my date night with Kate _really_ special." He has a stupid smile on his smug face.

"Why are you smiling at me like that? How did you desecrate my car?" Although, I think I have an idea.

"Let's just say that Kate is pretty flexible."

"That's fucking disgusting. Even I haven't fucked in my car, and it's _my_ car."

Now he actually starts to laugh. "Well, little bro, we both know you have some catching up to do in that department." I would love to wipe that smug look off his face, but that's not something I want to get into.

"I don't want to talk about that with you. But I do have something I want to speak to you about."

"Oh yeah? Shoot."

"Have you and Kate discussed having kids?"

"Yeah, like in the future. We want them but not right now. Why? Is Ana pressuring you for kids?"

"No. I want to have children with her, and I want to start right away. But I don't know if she feels ready, and I don't want to pressure her." It feels awkward being so candid with my brother but I really need someone to talk about this, someone other than John Flynn.

"She is young, but you really need to speak with her. Tell her how you feel. I mean, it's not like you have to worry about affording it and she can stay home if she wants."

"Yeah, you're right. I never wanted children until I met Anastasia. Now I want to have a huge family with her." Elliot and I talk about less serious things while we eat like the Mariners and the upcoming Metallica concert at the CenturyLink Field.

* * *

 **APOV**

Rachel isn't in today, and I don't have much going on this afternoon, so I decide to treat myself to a much-needed pedicure at lunch. I pick up one of the magazines to read as my feet are soaking. I open it up right to an article titled _Is He Cheating? Signs Your Bae is Stepping Out on You_. Seriously? The world is fucking with me. But I read it anyway; apparently, I must be the masochist who married a sadist.

 **-1. He occasionally agrees to plans, then backs out later** \- hmm… Portland.

 **-2. He lies, even about small things** \- car sex.

 **-3. His work schedule becomes noticeably different** \- he worked late a few times now, and he normally doesn't.

 **-4. He buys you expensive gifts for "no reason"** \- the earrings.

I've become so focused on this I don't even hear the woman telling me to pick up my other foot. Embarrassed, I quietly apologize to her but still can't get rid of the thoughts. His weird behavior, well, weird for Christian, hasn't started until that temp started filling in for Andrea. She is an attractive brunette, and it was quite obvious she has the hots for him. I'm starting to get that nauseous feeling again. I have to say something. But, how? When?

That evening I get home, and Christian is in his study talking to Taylor. Taylor probably knows everything, and I look like a stupid laughingstock. The knot in my stomach gets bigger.

Suddenly I hear the telltale ding of an incoming text. I look over at the breakfast bar and sitting next to his wallet is Christian's phone. I can't help it. I pick up his phone and swipe to see what the text is. It's from Elliot.

 ***Thnx 4 lunch bro. Ur secret is safe w/ me, but U should tell Ana.***

Secret? I knew it. I've heard it said that if you snoop, either way, you only hurt yourself. I didn't understand that until now.

Suddenly, my world is falling apart. I feel like I am in a tunnel and it's difficult to breathe. I put the phone back just where I found it and numbly walk into our bedroom and lie down. I don't know for how long I am there. It could be minutes, hours, days… nothing else matters.

"Finally. I've been looking for you, baby." He walks into the room and sits down on the bed next to me. "I have something I want to talk to you about. And I don't know how you are going to react." Oh my God, this is it. He's going to tell me he doesn't want to be married to me anymore.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

 **CPOV**

Ana sits up and looks at me oddly. Immediately I know something is wrong. But I don't know what it could be.

"You don't have to tell me. I already know, Christian."

"You do? So what do you think about it?" I eagerly ask her. Don't most women want to hear this from their husband?

"What do I think about it? What do I think about you cheating on me?" She tells me emotionally but at the same time coldly. Her voice cracks at the last sentence.

It takes me a second to comprehend what she just said. "Wait? What? You think I'm cheating on you?" Is she serious?

"Christian, you don't have to keep up the charade anymore." She tells me dismissively.

"Anastasia, where in the world would you get that idea? I would _never_ cheat on you. You're all I would ever want and need." It's so ridiculous that I almost start to laugh.

"I saw how Rebecca looks at you. And you worked late; you couldn't go to Portland. And…" She pauses as if she is bracing herself. "I found the panties in your car, Christian. Don't lie to me; I deserve more than that."

"Panties?" _What panties?_ What is she talking about?

"Yeah, the lacy panties I found between the seats in _your_ R8." Her voice is getting louder, and the tone is harsher. I can see tears beginning to well up in her eyes, and she discreetly tries to wipe them away, so I don't see.

Then it hits me. Unavoidably, I start to laugh. "Ana…" But she cuts me off.

"You think this is funny?" I can see her eyes change quickly from upset to angry.

"Yes, er, No. Those aren't my panties. When you were in Portland Elliot asked if he could borrow the R8 to take Kate out on a date."

"OK." She eyes me skeptically. "But what about the secret that's safe with him?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I've been thinking about our future a lot recently, and…"

"And?" She is still pissed. She crosses her arms defensively across her chest like a petulant child.

"I want to start a family with you. I don't want to wait. If you were pregnant right now, I would be ecstatic." I can't hide my excitement as I crawl closer to her on the bed.

She blinks her eyes in disbelief. "Wait, so you aren't having an affair?"

"No! Of course not. Why would you even think that?"

"I don't know. Never mind. I was just being stupid." She looks down at her fingers and anxiously twists them.

"Oh no. You're not getting away that easy. Why would you think I would cheat on you?" I say to her, lifting her chin, so she looks me in my eyes.

"It's just that in the back of my mind I worry that I'm not enough for you." She shrugs with her response.

"Have I ever given you any indication of that?" I try to remain calm even though it upsets me she could think that.

"No, but…"

"But what, Anastasia? How would you think that and doubt what I say?" I look in her eyes begging for the truth.

"Well, Rebecca is pretty and brunette, and it's obvious she has the hots for you. You were working late and canceled our dates. And, I just worry that Elena was right." She quickly says it as if she has been holding it in forever and had to get it out immediately.

"Elena? Why would you give anything she says any importance? She was a jealous, manipulative hag. What she said to you she did so to upset you. And, starting tomorrow, Rebecca is gone. I've been so wrapped up in work; I didn't notice she was doing anything. Baby, I love you and only you. And you are the only woman I could ever want. You are my world. "

She eyes me skeptically as she is trying to decide whether she believes me or not.

"Anastasia Grey, I would have to be the stupidest man in the world to do that. You are the most beautiful, caring, smart, sexy, and giving woman I have ever met. Plus, if I ever did lose my mind and cheat on you, I'm sure Ray would not hesitate to shoot me."

"Oh, Christian. I'm so sorry to have doubted you." I lean down and give her a sweet and gentle kiss.

"Come here, baby." I scoop her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. Her hair smells intoxicating. Anastasia is my favorite scent.

"So you want to have a baby?" She asks me still sounding unsure, her fingers twisting around each other in knots.

I look down at her and smile; I am so excited for this that I can barely contain myself. "Yes. What do you think?" Please, say yes.

"I'm not sure. What if I don't get pregnant right away?" Baby, there's no need to worry about that. We'll have plenty of practice.

"We're not on a timeline, Ana. When it happens, it happens." Even though I would love to start a family right away, I know Ana is young, and I don't want to pressure her.

"Are we going to raise a child here in Escala?"

"We can. Or, we can get another house. What do you want?" Baby, whatever you want, you can have it. I'll buy you a million houses if that's what you want.

"I don't know. I think I would like our children to have a yard to play in and stuff. And, there is the red room which isn't exactly family friendly." I wish she wouldn't sound so doubtful about this.

"That makes sense. We can start looking for a new place whenever you want." I tell myself that I need to remember to contact a realtor in the morning and have an NDA prepared. If buying a house is the only thing holding Ana back, then I don't want to waste any time.

I have never wanted a family. It was never even on my radar, but with Anastasia, anything is possible. She has shown me a world of love and possibilities that I didn't even know exists. I want to give her everything she could ever want - I want to make her happy.

Ana falls asleep in my arms; I love watching her sleep. It reminds me of the first night we spent together. Who would have thought we'd be here now? I can imagine our kids' faces when we tell them they are here because their mother drunk texted me.

She rolls over onto her side, and I take this opportunity to look up some information about getting pregnant and what should be done. There are a lot of articles that state it is a good idea to discuss your family's health history. I've never wanted to know anything about the crack whore and even less about the asshole who knocked her up. But I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if something happened to a child of ours and it was because I didn't know my family medical history.

I will have to call my doctor to talk to him about any possible health issues I may have. I eat properly, get plenty of exercise, and don't smoke. But I am sure there are things I can do to help make it easier for Anastasia to conceive. I'm at a right age, so if I watch my caffeine and alcohol intake, there shouldn't be any issues. I'm going to talk to Gail about cooking foods that are good for both Anastasia and me. I will do whatever I need to do so Ana gets pregnant as quickly as possible.

That night I dream about a family with Ana. There's a little boy who is about four years old walking and holding Ana's hand. I'm next to them pushing a stroller with a baby girl who looks just like Ana. We're in a park, and our little boy runs up to a swing set. "Daddy! Push me!" He yells at me. I laugh while Ana comes over and picks up our baby girl. As I push our little boy on the swing, he's shouting and laughing at the same time the sun shines on him bringing out copper highlights in his hair. I feel happy - I love being a father.

I wake up and realize it was just a dream. I roll to my side and pull Ana close to me. Still sleeping, she cuddles closer to me and lets out a contented sigh. Things now are the best they have ever been, and to think just a few hours ago Anastasia thought I was cheating on her. I inhale her scent and fall back to sleep feeling blessed to have her in my life.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

 **APOV**

It's been a few months since Christian told me he wants to have kids. Things have been going well, really well between us. Mia has gotten pretty serious with this guy Oliver. He seems really nice and sweet, and he seems to have settled her down a little bit.

Today he graduates from the University of Washington with a Masters of Science in civil engineering and Mia is throwing him a party. He and Elliot seem to get along well, and he interned with Elliot's construction company for a while. It's hard to tell what Christian thinks about him since Mia is his baby sister and he's quite protective of her.

I'm getting ready for the party and when I go to put my bra on my boobs are killing me. They are surprisingly painful, and I don't know why. Maybe Christian was too rough last night. There is no way I can wear a bra, so I decide to wear a different dress. I decide on my Haute Hippie gray snakeskin-print slip dress and strappy black heels.

I walk out into the great room, and Christian turns to see me. "Damn, baby. You're hot." He says as he grabs me around the waist. "We better go before I have you right here."

We have dinner at a bar called Damn the Weather. Apparently, it's a favorite of Mia and Oliver's. The food is pretty good, and it's trendy, which I'm not sure Christian appreciates. But, because he loves his little sister so much, he's quiet and goes along with her plans.

After dinner, we go to Trinity Nightclub where we have a private VIP room. In it, we have our own bar and bathroom, and it's decorated with plush leather sofas. We share a quick toast to Oliver, and then Mia excitedly drags Kate and me onto the dance floor.

The three of us are dancing when I feel Christian's arms wrap around me. I turn in his arms, and he has a sly smile on his face. "All these men are looking at you. I don't think I like it. You're mine." He whispers in my ear.

"I'm always yours. And others may look, but you are the one who has me body and soul." I manage to stammer out. The look on his face is so full of passion it could melt an iceberg.

"Let's get out of here. I need you, now." He kisses me urgently and passionately. And, I don't know if it's the need in his voice or the fervor he ignites in me.

"I'm not sure I can make it home," I tell him. I don't know what has gotten into me, but I really need him. We bid everyone goodnight and head home.

But once we get home, I feel exhausted and lightheaded. I can't even stand to take my shoes off. "Baby, are you OK? Maybe you should lay down."

"No, no. I want you. Don't you want me?" I pout.

"Baby, I always want you, but you're exhausted, and you need to sleep. Come on." He picks me up and carries me to our bedroom setting me down on our bed. Then he kneels down in front of me to remove my shoes. After he takes my heels off and puts them in the closet, he takes one of his shirts out of his dresser. Sweetly and gently, he takes my dress off and puts his shirt on me. Then, he peels off his clothes giving me a wonderful show, puts on his PJ bottoms, and climbs into bed with me. He turns off the light and pulls me close to him. "Sleep tight, Anastasia."

* * *

The graduation party was a week ago, and I still feel tired, and I feel bloated. My one pair of skinny jeans wouldn't button which upsets me. I think I need to start working out.

Around lunchtime, I get a text from Kate.

*Meet for lunch?*

*Sure. Where?*

*Lunchbox Laboratory?*

I head out to the Lunchbox Laboratory, and Kate is already at a table waiting for me. "Hi! I'm so glad you could meet me. I am dying for a milkshake. I hate PMS. You're probably feeling the same way." Kate tells me.

It takes me a second to realize what Kate is saying. Ever since we've been roommates our freshman year in college, we get our periods at the same time. It never fails. And for just as long, Kate has always been good at reading my facial expressions.

"Ana, what's wrong?" She asks me.

"Nothing, I just haven't gotten my period yet." I shrug.

"Well, you've had a lot of changes going on and stuff. They say stress can play a big part of it." She replies as the waiter comes up to take our order.

Kate hands him her menu, "I'll have the poutine and a large Reese's Peanut Butter cup shake." Yup, she is definitely having PMS.

"Um, I'll have the Cluck Norris and a side salad with ranch dressing on the side and a Mexi Coke." I hand him my menu.

"I'm sure in just a couple of days you'll be dying for a milkshake and popping Midol." She tells me reassuringly and makes me smile. The rest of our lunch is excellent and my concern over my late period slips further into the back of my mind.

It isn't until a couple of days later when Kate comes over to the apartment for a girls' dinner when I am reminded of it. "Hey, Ana. Did the bitch Aunt Flo visit you yet?"

I freeze. Shit. I don't know if I am ready for this. "Shit, Kate."

Her eyes get large and I don't need to say anything else for her to understand exactly what my concern is.

"You think you could be? I thought you are on the pill."

"I just stopped taking them, but the doctor said it would take months for my body to get to normal and it could take months or longer to conceive."

"Yeah, and since you and Christian screw like horny rabbits, anything is possible."

"Kate! Oh, my God, I can't believe you just said that. But I am kind of freaked out."

"Well, I guess I know what you're doing tonight. Come on. I'll drive."

"Kate, where are we going?"

"Brain surgeon… we're going to the pharmacy to get you a pregnancy test. And then we're going to pick up a pizza so we can eat while you take the test."

So about twenty minutes later, Kate and I are back at the apartment. It's times like these I am glad that Taylor and Gail have off on the weekends. Kate sets the pizza on the breakfast bar, and we head right to the bathroom.

Kate takes the box, opens it and hands me one of the tests. Then she reads the directions. "OK, it says to read full details and instructions before taking the test. Then, remove test stick from wrapper and take off the Overcap." I take off the pink plastic cap. "Hold stick by Thumb Grip, with the Wide Absorbent Tip pointed down, and the Result Window facing away from the body. Place Wide Absorbent Tip into your urine stream for 5 seconds only."

So, I sit on the toilet, take the stick, and pee. Both Kate and I counting aloud to five. "OK, now what?" I hold the stick.

"While holding stick with Wide Absorbent Tip pointed down, put overcap back on. Place the stick on a flat, dry surface, with the easy read result window facing up. The pink color moving across the easy read result window means the test is working. Wait 3 minutes before reading result. Do you see pink color in the window?"

I study it. "Yes."

"Alright, I'll set the timer on my phone for 3 minutes." I place the pregnancy test on the sink and pull my pants back up.

Nervously I ask "now what?"

"I guess we wait." If you ever want to know how long three minutes can feel, ask a woman waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. I swear hours ticked by.

Kate's alarm on her phone goes off. She turns it off and looks at me. "Are you ready, Steele?"

"I guess ready as I'll ever be." I study the results window on the test. I just stare at the plastic stick that holds my future.

"Ana, what is it? What do you see?"

"I look up at her. Two pink lines."

"You're pregnant? Are you sure? Maybe you've read it wrong."

"Kate, there is no mistaking these are definitely two pink lines." I swallow, nervous to say the words. "I'm pregnant." I know Christian wants a baby but I don't know if I am ready for that just yet.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

 **CPOV**

I have just received word from Fatih Abadi, the Humanitarian Coordinator at OCHA in the Sudan. I've been working with him to provide some of the humanitarian relief with GEH. He has asked me to visit the Sudan as he thinks my visit would help them raise more money to close the gap they have in necessary funding. I'm not one usually to flaunt my interests like this but if I can help these people, especially the starving children, I am willing to do so.

It's a huge security mess for Taylor but he has a lot of connections, and I know he can handle it. I want Anastasia to come with me on this trip for two reasons; one, it will help if we don't split security between here and the Sudan, and two, I think it would be good for her to see how other people live. Not many people in the United States know what it's like to be starving.

I come home, and Ana is in the library reading, of course. I walk to the doorway of the room, and she looks up from her book and smiles. What I wouldn't give to see that smile on her face. "Hi." she greets me sweetly.

"Hi," I tell her as I unconsciously return her big sappy smile. "I have something to ask you," I say as I make my way towards her in the room and sit down on the ottoman in front of her. She looks so little curled up in the big fluffy chair wrapped in a throw blanket and a book in her lap.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"I have to go to the Sudan and meet with a representative from OCHA."

"What's OCHA?"

"It's the UN's Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs. GEH works with them to send the aid. They are instrumental in making sure the food gets to those who need it."

"Oh, Christian, that's wonderful."

"I want you to come with me on this visit. I know you have to work, but this is important to me."

"OK, but I have one question."

"What's that?"

"Is it safe for pregnant women to fly and travel that far?"

I'm confused. What is she talking about? "What?" And then I see a smile creep on her face. "Are you…"

"I'm pregnant Christian." She tells me quietly.

It takes a second for it to sink in but then I am immediately filled with joy. The only time I ever remember being this happy was the day I married Ana. "You're pregnant?" I just have to make sure.

She nods her head, "yes. Christian, you're going to be a father." I quickly jump up and scoop her off the chair and into my arms. I am so unbelievably happy I can't help but laugh and spin her around.

"How do you know?" I ask her quickly.

"I missed my period, so Kate and I got a pregnancy test."

"I have to call Dr. Greene and set up an appointment for you. You're going to need to start taking vitamins and eating healthier. I'll have to get Gail a shopping list of foods you should eat." The things that need to be done flash in and out of my mind and I am trying to make a mental list.

"Christian, I already have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Greene for tomorrow afternoon. So, for now, let's just enjoy the news." I sit down on the chair with her in my lap.

I kiss her head. "Pregnant? Are you really pregnant? I am so happy." I kiss her gently. "How are you feeling?" I hope the stories about pregnant women getting sick and unable to eat aren't true.

"OK, tired and my boobs hurt sometimes. But I've read that shouldn't last long."

"Have you been sick?" I ask her. I don't want her to skip meals even if she isn't feeling well.

"No, not yet. With any luck, I'm hoping I won't."

Dr. Greene confirmed that Anastasia is indeed pregnant and she estimates she is about six weeks along. She said we can tell family and friends now if we would like. However, many parents decide to wait until after the first trimester. I'm not sure we'll be able to wait another six weeks without telling the family.

Anastasia is still insisting on working as long as she can until she has the baby. Dr. Greene said some women like to take their leave before they give birth as the last few weeks of pregnancy can become very uncomfortable for the mother. I know Anastasia enjoys working but she doesn't need to, and I don't want her to wear herself down trying to do everything. She needs to stay healthy for our baby, too.

We've been assured that Anastasia is fine to travel although she may get more tired than usual so I intend to keep an eye on her and make sure she gets enough rest and plenty to eat. I'm a little nervous to allow Ana to travel in her condition, but now more than ever, I don't want to let her out of my sight.

It's a long flight, and I'm glad my jet has a bedroom so we can relax. We fly ten hours to London to refuel and then another 6 hours to Khartoum, Sudan. Once we're at Khartoum International Airport, we have to wait a little bit until security deems us OK. Luckily, Fatih worked with the American Consulate to make sure our trip here is smooth.

We disembark the plane and Fatih welcomes us. "Mr. Grey, welcome to Khartoum. How was your journey?"

We both shake his hand. "Please, Fatih, call me Christian. This is my wife, Anastasia."

He kisses Ana's hand, much like someone would kiss the hand of the queen, and it makes Anastasia blush. "I have the driver here to take you to the hotel where you and Mr. Taylor can meet with the local security team."

"Great, thank you." Fatih joins us to the hotel in case there are any language barrier issues. Our cars pull up to the front of the hotel, and I am immediately impressed at how lush and green the manicured lawns are. The massive lobby is nicely decorated and very clean.

I'm not sure if Ana is silly because she's tired or because she's happy to be on land, but once we enter the suite, she hops right onto one of the sofas like a teenager. Fatih then bids us a pleasant evening so we can rest but we are meeting him at his office in the morning.

Ana is beat and says she isn't hungry, but I make her eat something. It's not just her after all, and she has had a long day. I order us dinner, including some juice for Ana and some chocolate cake to sweeten the deal for her. She's been craving chocolate, and I figure it may convince her to eat more. I do enjoy watching Anastasia eat.


	33. Chapter 33

Please note: This chapter has material in it which may be a trigger for some readers. If you are concerned, please PM me before you read the chapter.

Chapter 33

 **APOV**

I am drained, but Christian insists I eat something. I can't get mad; it's endearing that he's worried about me like that. He really is going to make a great father. After I eat the admittedly delicious burger and fries I practically scarf down the piece of chocolate cake Christian got me. I can tell he really enjoys watching me eat.

As much as I want to stay up and get a sense of the city of Khartoum, I can't keep my eyes open. Christian and I take a relaxing bath, and I go to bed while Christian does some work.

The following day, Fatih gives us a tour of the OCHA office. We get to speak with the Director of the program where we learn there are over 122 million people who are in need of humanitarian relief. That number is staggering, and it makes me sad when I think how much people living in the U.S. take for granted when there are so many here who don't even have the basic necessities.

That night, Fatih and his wife, Yarah have us to their home for dinner. Their children are grown and are attending college in Europe. Yarah is a wonderful cook making us some traditional Sudanese food like Shaiyah, Kisra, red beans, and Mahshi. Everything is delicious, and it's like I can't eat enough. She also introduces me to tamarind juice, and I immediately like it. Christian is determined to find it for me once we get home.

The following day we visit a village outside of Khartoum where OCHA helped them with their crops of wheat, corn, and beans. Now the village has an adequate irrigation system, so their crops are thriving. In a couple of years, they think the village might even produce enough to sell to other nearby communities.

I'm not sure if it's the pregnancy or the travel, but after we visit the village, I am completely worn out. So, we head back to the hotel for me to take a nap and relax. Christian said it would give him time to do some work.

The following day I am feeling much better and well-rested. We join Fatih at another town where a charity called Save the Children is working to help feed, provide medical care, and generally support children affected by conflict, displacement, extreme poverty, hunger and a lack of essential services. I was very sad to learn that 70 out of 1,000 children die before the age of five. It especially hit home when I think about Christian's start in life.

In Sudan in general, there are only about three doctors to every ten thousand people. So, in smaller towns and villages, people, children especially, don't care the medical care they need. We work with a doctor from the charity who is donating his time and materials to provide healthcare and necessary immunizations.

I meet a sweet two-year-old named Kamal. He is the most adorable thing with big brown eyes that light up when he smiles. He sits on my lap as I read him a story from a book he handed to me. While I'm reading, he looks up at me and touches my cheek with a smile. Fatih tells me they don't get to meet many white people, especially ones with blue eyes.

Then I teach a four-year-old named Adowa how to play hopscotch. I can't even tell you for how long we play, but then some of the other children want a turn, so I let them continue with Adowa while I go to join Christian and Fatih. This trip has been very educational for me. I knew Christian was generous and cared about starving children, but to see how it has helped people has made me fall in love with him even more.

It's been a week or two since we've been back. Things are going well, but I am experiencing some morning sickness. I have a constant headache, am extremely fatigued, and just have a general malaise feeling. I am assuming this is why women are often eager to get past their first trimester.

Christian has been so sweet to me. Every night he has drawn me a bath and gave me a massage. I have never been so pampered before. He won't even let me lift a finger to do anything, like carrying some manuscripts home.

It's Saturday morning, and when I wake up, Christian isn't in bed. That's typical, he's always up early, and since we've been back, I've been sleeping later. I lay in bed trying to wake up and realize the reason I woke is that I really have to pee.

After I've done my business, I walk past the sink and get a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Crap. I've got hives on my face. Then I remember I got a new face cream and used it for the first time yesterday. I wonder if I can return this to Sephora. Kate convinced me I needed it when I was hesitant to get it because of the price.

I walk out to the kitchen and Christian is sitting at the breakfast bar reading the newspaper and drinking his coffee. "Good morning my beautiful wife." He says to me before looking up from his paper. Once he looks up, he frowns. "Baby, what's the matter with your face? Are you OK?"

"I got some new face cream, and I don't think my skin likes it." I shrug

"Do you need to go to the hospital or the doctor?" He asks me, worried.

"No, I'll just take some Benadryl. I'm sure they will go away." Hives are not that big of a deal although I know how he worries. "How about if they don't get better by Monday, I'll go to the doctor."

He doesn't look sure, but he backs down, "OK. But I still don't like the idea of you being uncomfortable for no reason."

I walk over to him and kiss him on the cheek. "You're too sweet, even to a fat pregnant woman with a messed up face." Reluctantly he smiles.

It's Sunday, and the hives haven't gotten better; in fact, I think they got worse. But I can't do anything about it now - we have to go to Carrick and Grace's house for brunch.

We get to the door and before Christian even has a chance to open the door Grace opens it and greets us happily. "Christian! Ana! So good to see you." Grace hugs us both and kisses us on the cheek as we walk through the door.

"Ana, darling, what happened to you?" Grace asks me like a mother-hen.

"Oh, I got a new face cream, and I broke out in hives from it." Grace seems concerned.

"Come here, step into the light more and let me take a look." I guess I should expect that when my mother-in-law is a doctor.

"Anastasia, honey, these aren't hives. I think we need to get you to the ER." I look in her eyes, and I can tell she is very serious.

"Mom, what is it? What's wrong?" Christian has gone into emergency mode, and I know he is doing everything he can to hold it together.

"I'm sure it's nothing. I just want to be sure. You know your mother, I worry." She gives us a weak smile.

"Why don't you want to tell us?" Christian is getting increasingly upset, and I think I've lost all ability to speak.

Grace sighs and I can tell she is torn about what to do. "The rash looks like it could be rubella."

Finally, I find my voice. "Rubella? But I was immunized against it when I was little. Plus, I thought it didn't exist anymore."

"It does exist but mostly in impoverished areas."

"Like Africa?" Christian asks what I was thinking.

"Yes. Let's get you to Overlake Hospital. I know a few of the ER doctors there."

Dr. Kimmell examines me. "So, Anastasia, you're about nine weeks along, correct?"

I nod, so nervous; I don't know if I can say anything. Christian stands there holding my hand, trying to comfort me.

"Have you had your first prenatal appointment yet?"

"Not really, Dr. Greene just confirmed that I was pregnant. I'm supposed to have my first appointment next week. I had to postpone it because we were traveling."

"Where did you travel to?" He asks not looking up at me but concentrating on writing in my file.

"Um, Sudan Africa," I tell him nervously.

"I see."

"What's the problem, Dr. Kimmell?" Christian asks him. He doesn't like to be kept in the dark.

"Well, Mrs. Grey. There's no real way to say this, but you have contracted the rubella virus."

"But, how? I was vaccinated for it as a child." I ask in disbelief.

"Many people are not immune even with the vaccination. Typically, a woman who is pregnant gets tested for rubella immunity when her blood is drawn at her first prenatal appointment." I can't help but feel like he is chastising me.

"So what now?" Christian asks, obviously irritated by the doctor.

"Well, Mrs. Grey, we can treat your rubella with antibiotics, and you should be fine. However, a rubella infection for an unborn baby poses many dangers. We're going to have to do some tests."

Immediately, tears spring to my eyes. My baby, our baby, could be hurt. And, there's nothing I can do to help. "Baby, don't worry. It'll be OK." Christian tells me sensing my uneasiness.

After what seems like a million tests, Dr. Kimmell knocks on the door of the hospital room as he enters where Christian has been trying to keep me calm. He sits down across from where Christian and I are sitting on the hospital bed. "Well, Mrs. Grey and Mr. Grey. Unfortunately, we are not detecting any life from your baby. It looks like it stopped growing around seven weeks." He sits down as I feel my world falling away from me.

"Mrs. Grey, your body will most likely start the miscarriage process on its own. However, I would recommend a way to speed it up."

My lips start to quiver, "So, you're saying our baby died?" I ask him. I know what he said, but I am in disbelief. I never thought this would be an outcome we would face.

"Yes, Mrs. Grey. I'm sorry for your loss. I'll have a prescription for the antibiotics sent over to your pharmacy. I am also going to prescribe misoprostol. This should help your body start the miscarriage process. You should expect cramping and bleeding in the next few hours once you take it. You may want to take ibuprofen to help with the pain."

"Um, OK." I can't think of anything else. The doctor is talking about my miscarriage like I have a case of poison ivy. As Christian helps me get ready to leave, I feel in shock. My life has stopped, I am numb. Everything is happening in slow motion. How could this happen? Why would this happen?


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

 **CPOV**

The car ride home is silent. It's eating me up inside. I feel everything and nothing at once. I barely manage to croak out, "Anastasia, I'm so sorry. If I hadn't asked you to go to Africa with me, this never would have happened."

Her eyes are red and puffy from crying which are made even worse by trying to hold it in. She takes a shallow and shaky breath, "Christian, this isn't your fault. It was my job to protect our baby and I…" she takes another breath, and without even looking at her I know she is starting to cry once again, "... I failed."

Once we get home, Ana goes straight to bed without saying anything. The antibiotics haven't had a chance to work yet, so she is probably still not feeling well. She sleeps for a few hours before I check in on her to see if she needs anything. "Ana, are you hungry?" I ask quietly once I see her eyes are open.

"No." she whispers to me. I am at a loss here. I don't know what I can do to make things better for her. Surely she should be turning to me for comfort, shouldn't she? She doesn't move for the rest of the evening.

"Christian, sweetheart, she just needs to have some time to grieve. You both do. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No, Mom. Thank you."

"Call me if there is anything I can do for you. Take care of yourself, Christian." I hang up the phone with my mom and do the only thing I can think of - I do some work in my office.

Ana hasn't left the room for a few days, no matter how much I try to get her out or to talk to me. She's barely eating, which just in that I hate, and she cries the entire time she's awake. I feel hopeless. I don't know what to do.

By Thursday afternoon I can't take it any longer, so I call Dr. Flynn. I don't know what else to do. Luckily, he is as concerned as I am and we can get an appointment with him right away.

* * *

 **APOV**

Christian is worried about me, so he scheduled an appointment for me with Dr. Flynn.

"So, Anastasia, do you know why Christian asked me to meet with you?"

"Yes. He's worried about me."

"Do you think he is justified in worrying about you?"

I sigh. I don't know how to put into words how I am feeling. "Yes and no."

"OK. Answer me a couple of questions, Do you think anyone is at fault for the loss of your baby?"

"Yes," I whisper to him.

"Who? Can you tell me?"

"Me."

"Why you, Anastasia?"

"Isn't it obvious? My one job as the mother of my child is to protect him. And I couldn't even do that right. What kind of mother could I possibly be?"

"Have you discussed this with Christian to see how he feels?"

"No. Christian tells me it's not anyone's fault. But I know I've let him down. He was so excited when I told him I was pregnant. He deserves someone better than me."

"I don't think Christian would feel that way about it. What would you do to change what happened?"

"I wish it was me who died instead of our baby. I don't deserve to be here."

"Anastasia, I understand you're grieving, but I can assure you this was in no way your fault. And, no one blames you. Sometimes bad things happen for no reason. Let's discuss the facts. From what I understand, you took appropriate measures before you traveled. You received malaria medication as well as the tdap and yellow fever vaccines. Furthermore, you used mosquito repellent with DEET. You did not get the MMR vaccine because it's not recommended to give it to pregnant women. I don't think anyone could have predicted that you would be immune to the vaccine even with having a booster vaccine in college." I held off for as long as I can, but now I just break down and cry. They are being too kind to me.

I shake my head. "I had one job to do in protecting our baby. And, I have failed miserably. I don't even know how Christian can bear to look at me let alone want to be my husband."

"Anastasia, we have to stop for today, but I would like to see you in a couple of days."

I nod numbly. I'm not feeling comforted at all nor do I believe that this isn't my fault. I know what happened. I schedule an appointment for two days, but I know it's not going to make a difference. The facts are the facts.

Sawyer drives me home in silence. I have had a headache for days now that just will not go away. I don't want to talk to anyone. Everyone reminds me of what happened. When I get home, I can't bring myself to sleep in the bed where Christian and I slept, and where we talked about our future and our children. Instead, I go upstairs to the old submissive bedroom. Without turning on any of the lights, I crawl under the covers and cry myself to sleep.

My cramps and the bleeding have not subsided at all, so the pain wakes me often in the middle of the night, and I lie there staring at the ceiling thinking about "what if'? Things have not improved by the time I have my next appointment with Dr. Flynn.

I'm upset. I'm angry and sad that people want me to just continue with life as if nothing happened. Like, I can just have another baby. Why should I do that to a child? Naturally, I am not fit to be a mother. Christian has been pretending everything is OK, but I know it's not. He deserves to be a father, and he deserves to have one with someone better than me.

Dr. Flynn is recommending me to go to a facility called Costa Colina, about an hour and a half south of Los Angeles. He thinks if I go there, they can help me overcome my grief. I agree, mostly because I think it will give Christian time to realize he is better off without me. It'll be the whole out of sight, out of mind thing.

When I get home, Christian is in his office. I quietly knock on the door. He looks up at me, and there is sadness in his face, and I can see the stress in his eyes. This is what I am doing to him. I suspect Dr. Flynn called him to give him a heads up about what is going on.

He doesn't say anything, but he gets up and tries to hug me. "Christian, I can't… not now."

"Baby, I wish I could make this better for you. Dr. Flynn told me about his recommendation for you. Is that what you want?"

I can't look him in the eyes, so I just nod mutely. I hear him take in a deep breath. "OK. Can I take you down there in my jet?"

"My mom is taking me. I'm going to drive to Portland, and then we're going to fly down to California."

"Ana, I don't want to lose you. I love you."

In his eyes, I see the hurt, the hurt that I have caused him. "I love you too, Christian. I have to go pack." I turn quickly before I start to cry.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

 **APOV**

We land at John Wayne Airport in Santa Ana. It's sunny and warm but not too hot or humid. Under other circumstances, this would be ideal weather. Mom and I make the short drive to Costa Colina, and we are greeted by Allison Moon, who will be my therapist while I am here. Allison shows my mom and me around as she introduces herself and the program to us.

"We only have about six women at a time here, that way everyone gets the benefit of group therapies but also the ability for individualized attention. Anastasia, this is your room." She tells me as she shows me a quiet room with a big comfy-looking bed. "You have a private room, so you have your own space if you need to decompress or to have time to reflect. During the week, wake-up is at 7, with breakfast at 7:30. Each day there is time for exercise, whether it's yoga, swimming, or working with a personal trainer. There is also time for therapy, group or individual as well as daily chores."

"That sounds nice, doesn't it, Ana?" my mom asks me as she gently caresses my shoulder. I know my mom. She's putting on a smile but I know she's worried.

I smile at her to ease her worry, "yeah, sounds nice." Allison shows us the rest of the place and mom is pretty impressed. When mom goes to leave, her lip begins to quiver and tears fill her eyes.

"Take care, Anastasia. Are you OK? Call me when you can, and I'll be here for family visitation. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Momma." I give her a huge hug, barely holding myself together; I didn't think it would be this hard to say goodbye to my mom. Maybe it's good that Christian didn't come. Allison gives me some time to put my room together, although it doesn't take long since I didn't really bring much. After I am finished, Allison and I have a brief introductory session.

"Ana, let's start off from the beginning. Tell me why you are here. What events happened in your life?"

"I caused a miscarriage and my husband, and I lost our baby," I tell her, my voice shaky with unshed tears. I am getting tired of having to tell people that.

"How did you cause the miscarriage? My understanding is that when there is an early term miscarriage, it's usually due to fatal genetic problems which are usually unrelated to the mother at all, or physical issues like a weak cervix. Did you know it is estimated 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage."

"No, it wasn't a fatal genetic problem. It's because I went with my husband, Christian, to Sudan. And, while I was there I got rubella which caused the miscarriage.'

"I see. Did you get rubella on purpose?"

I crinkle my brow. What a stupid question. "No, of course not."

"Did you know you weren't immune to rubella?"

"No. I had the vaccine when I was little and again in college. I didn't know it doesn't work for some people. And we hadn't had our first prenatal appointment yet."

"So, tell me, why do you feel you caused it then?"

"Because it was my job to protect him and I didn't do it." I think it's plain and simple.

"What if you were in a car accident and lost the baby. Would that still be your fault?"

"That's different. People can't help getting into car accidents."

Allison smiles sympathetically at me as she puts her tablet, where she was taking notes, away. "Ana, I'm going to let you go for tonight. But I want you to think about what we've discussed. We can discuss this tomorrow. Sound good?"

"OK." I'm not sure what she thinks will change my mind in 12 hours, but I agree nonetheless.

* * *

 **CPOV**

Today Ana is checking into the treatment center, and I have been on edge since she left yesterday. I don't know what happened to her and why suddenly she can't come to me for support. It's destroying me, and everyone around me is suffering the consequences.

My phone rings and I see it's Carla, "Hello?"

"Christian, it's Carla. I wanted to let you know Ana got checked in OK. They've recommended no contact for the first week while she adjusts to everything so I'm not sure when she will have a chance to call you."

"Thanks, Carla. How was she?"

"She was pretty stoic. I think she's in some kind of shock or something. It's a good thing you're there for her to make sure she gets the help she needs."

"I wish that were true, Carla. But I couldn't feel any less of a help to her than I do now. I know she is grieving, but she doesn't even want to be in the same room as me. It's killing me inside. I love her so much, and I would never blame her." I stop before my emotions come through and I cry. The only reason I haven't freaked out yet is because I've been keeping everything in the background as if it's not really us that is going through all of this.

"Oh, Christian. Please don't take this personally. Anastasia has always been reserved when it comes to expressing how she feels. She is so much like Ray in that respect. I think she is blaming herself as well for everything."

"But she's not to blame for anything. Even a little bit!"

"You and I and everyone else know that. And hopefully, the therapists at the treatment center will be able to get her to see that. Anastasia has always been so critical of herself."

"I wish she could see how wonderful she is. She saved me from a lonely life. She gave me a new life." I can't hold it in anymore and begin to cry. I hate crying on the phone to someone else, especially my mother-in-law, but everything has come flooding out as if a dam has broken. I can't stop now.

"Christian, the fact you love her so much will help bring her through this and back to you. Listen, even though she can't have phone calls at first why don't you write her letters and tell her what you've just told me. Let her see it in writing. As soon as I hear when family day is, I'll let you know so you can come with me."

"OK. Thank you, Carla. For everything."

"Don't lose hope, Christian. You two will get through this." I hang up with Carla and start writing a letter to Anastasia as she suggested. I start the letter probably about five different times and end up scratching out most of it.

 _Dear Ana,_

 _Words cannot express how much I love you. You are a caring, sweet, smart, funny, and strong woman. I have become a better man just because I know you._

 _I know you are hurting so, so much. But none of this is your fault. None of it. You are a wonderful wife and will be a wonderful mother someday._

 _Take as much time as you need to heal. I will do whatever it is you need me to do to help you achieve that. I want to be able to hold you in my arms and hear your laugh again._

 _I know you want a loving family, as do I, and we will have that. I will do everything and anything I can to make sure that happens._

 _I love you always,_

 _Christian_

Shit. I didn't realize how hard this will be; it's difficult to put my emotions into words let alone in a letter. I wish I could just wave a magic wand or make a wish, so everything is better again. These next few weeks without Ana here are going to be torture - Flynn may have to go to daily appointments with me. I send an email to Andrea, who is back from her leave, telling her to schedule my appointments with John and to cancel any meetings or commitments I have this week. I don't feel like being around other people right now.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

 **CPOV**

It's been a couple of weeks since Ana went to Costa Colina. She's called me a couple of times, and she sounds more like herself, but I can tell she still isn't what she used to be.

I didn't go with Carla to visit Ana on family visitation day because we didn't want to overwhelm her. So, I am going down today to visit with her and hopefully bring her home with me. I am excited and nervous to see her. She's my wife; I shouldn't be nervous to see her.

It was an anxious two and a half hour flight, and I can't stop fidgeting. Once I see my beautiful Anastasia, I will feel better. This past couple of weeks without her have been horrible. I've missed her so much I barely slept.

Finally, I get to the treatment center, and I don't think my feet even touched the ground as I made my way inside. I get to the door and ring the bell - I'm not sure what is correct protocol. Suddenly the front door swings open and standing there is my girl, my Ana.

"Hi." she greets me demurely.

"Hi." Now that I've seen her I feel like I can breathe once again. I'm not sure how she is going to regard me, so I just stand still. For what seems like hours, although it's only seconds, we stand there looking at each other. Then she hugs me hard, and I feel at home again. I have missed having her in my arms.

"Oh, Ana. I've missed you so much." I tighten my arms around her and bury my face in her hair so I can inhale her scent.

"I've missed you too, Christian. We have our therapy session soon with Dr. White but do you want a tour of the place beforehand?"

"Sure, lead the way, baby." She shows me around the house, her bedroom, which is nicely furnished and looks comfortable, and around the grounds. Ana seems healthy which makes me happier. I'm even more pleased when she tells me they make sure she eats well and exercises every day.

I'm pleased to see they have whatever she could want here. There is a pool if she wants to swim or lay out in the sun, there's a meditation room, a tv room, and even a small library. I hope that means she isn't just sitting in her room all the time.

Finally, it's time for our therapy session together. I must admit I am pretty nervous. I shouldn't be nervous considering the number of therapists and psychiatrists I have seen in my lifetime.

She leads me down a sparse hallway where there are a handful of offices. From the last room on the left, a man about in his 50's walks down to greet us with his arm already extended.

"Hello, Ana." He smiles at her.

"Hi, Dr. White. Um, this is my husband, Christian."

He smiles warmly at me and extends his hand to shake mine. "Christian, nice to finally meet you."

I'm cordial, but I don't trust him. I don't know what he thinks he knows but if Dr. White even thinks he's got my number in just the few times he's met Ana, he has got another thing coming. "Good afternoon, Dr. White."

He leads us into a somewhat small office with a couple of overstuffed chairs, a small sofa, and a desk with a chair - which I presume is his. The office is decorated in a coastal theme but is still quite mundane.

Ana sits in one of the chairs, and I sit on the other. "Christian, I trust you've had a safe trip here."

"Yes, thank you." Just get on with it. I'm not here to make friends with you.

"OK, Christian, Ana and I, along with Allison, her therapist, have had a couple of weeks to work through how Anastasia is feeling. And, we thought it was essential to have you here as well. You are both going through the same thing. But it's important to remember that even though you are both affected by the same loss, you both will have different reactions and feelings and that is perfectly normal."

I just nod my head. I haven't spoken about the miscarriage to anyone. I thought if I just buried myself in my work, all the pain and sorrow would go away with time.

Next, he looks over at Ana, "Ana, if it's OK with you, I'd like to share with your husband how you feel and what we've discussed in our sessions."

Ana looks down at her hands and doesn't look up, but she quickly nods her head. "Right," he says. "Christian, as you know, we have been working together to develop a way to help Ana overcome her grief. The first thing I must say is that we don't say the word _miscarriage_. That word implies that there was something wrong with the pregnancy. And, as you may be aware, usually that leaves someone to feel as if they are to blame. I can't stress enough how no one is to blame for what happened. Sometimes you can do everything right and still lose your baby."

I can hear Ana sniffle, and I know it's because she has started to cry. This is killing me. I hate seeing her like this. I wish I could take all this pain from her. Gently, I grasp her hand in mine and give it a gentle squeeze. When I look up, I notice the doctor is studying us.

"One of the things we've discussed is how Ana feels when someone says certain things like, 'At least it happened early.' Or, when people say that you can try again. Ana, can you tell Christian how it makes you feel when people say that to you?"

"I feel like people don't recognize the fact that we lost our baby. It's not like a car broke or something. It's as if they are ignoring the fact that I had our baby growing inside of me and then… he died." She looks up at me, and there are tears pooled in her bright blue eyes. It breaks my fucking heart. I didn't know people said that to her.

"Baby, I didn't realize people said that to you. I'm so sorry." I am in disbelief over how some callous and stupid people can be.

"Christian, you don't have to be sorry. You are going through this loss as well. The point I would like to make is that your grief is genuine. You had a loss just as if you lost a parent, or a grandparent, or a sibling. It's OK to grieve. You don't have to move on right away." The doctor tells me.

This time I don't say anything. I just squeeze Ana's hand once more before passing her a tissue.

"Both shame and blame drive people apart, and when that happens, it leads to feelings isolation or feelings of unworthiness; which is how Ana felt when she first came to stay here.

"But, when couples, like the two of you, come together to persevere through those feelings of shame and blame, they can end up closer.

"Grief takes time, and there is no answer on how long you grieve. But, when you treat each other with tenderness you can be on the road to healing. You can choose to make this break you apart or make your bond stronger."

He smiles at me, but it's not like he is happy, more like he is empathetic to what we are going through. "Still with me?"

"Yes, so, Dr. White…"

"Please, Christian, call me Nelson."

"Nelson, so how do you suggest we persevere, as you put it, through this?" I ask him. It's okay to lecture us on what we can do, but we need to know how to do it.

"Talk to each other. You both experienced this, so the other is the only other person who has gone through this with you. Just keep in mind there is no feeling that is wrong. If you're angry, that's OK, be angry. If you're sad, that's OK too.

"Often, the problem with the loss you have experienced is that you don't get closure. When a family member passes, you typically have a funeral, something to allow you to say goodbye and bring to a close any unresolved feelings you may have.

"So, I suggest the two of you take time with each other, and when you feel ready, create a way to observe the baby you lost. It can be any way you feel fit, whether it's something private with the two of you or family and friends included. There is no wrong way for you to do this."

Finally, Anastasia speaks, "Thank you, Nelson. You have made me feel much more hopeful about recovering." This is the first time since the miscarriage has happened where she doesn't seem like just a shell of herself.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

 **APOV**

Christian helped me pack my bags, and I say goodbye to Allison and everyone else at Costa Colina. Then, he drives us about fifteen minutes to Dana Point Harbor. I see a huge, beautiful yacht.

As we walk up the ramp, Christian looks to me, "Well, this is home for the next few days? What do you think?"

"It's beautiful," I reply. The smile on his face is worth this.

"It's a Lagoon 620 catamaran. Is it OK?" He asks me, and he looks worried.

"Definitely." I follow him into the main bedroom.

He turns to look at me and anxiety is radiating from him. I feel terrible that I am the reason he feels like this. "Are you hungry or anything, Anastasia?"

"I think I'd like to lie down for a little. Is that OK?"

"Sure, I'll just leave you alone." He turns to leave.

"No, don't go. Stay with me. Please?"

His eyes soften, and he gives me a little smile. "I'd like that."

His shy smile makes me smile in return. I crawl into the bed, and he crawls next to me wrapping his arms around me. He buries his nose in my hair and inhales. Then he gently kisses my head. "I have missed this and missed you so much, Ana," he whispers to me.

"I've missed you too, Christian."

I wake up, and Christian is lying next to me awake. I've forgotten how beautiful he is. "Hello, beautiful." He greets me with a smile.

"How long have you been awake?" I ask him.

"Just a few minutes. Are you hungry? It's dinner time."

"Yeah, I think so," I say as I stretch and yawn.

He gives me an innocent smile, "Your wish is my command. Would you like to go out or eat in?"

"Is it OK if we eat in?" I ask, unsure of what Christian wanted to do. The last thing I want is to disappoint him after he's done all of this for me.

He smiles at me like I don't think I've seen for the longest time. "It's more than OK. You relax, and I'll order the food." About forty minutes later, we are sitting on the deck enjoying sea bass ceviche and a fresh green salad with a crisp Sancerre. It's perfect. For the first time in such a long time, I feel connected to Christian. I feel like things are how they used to be before… before things broke.

We are sitting back holding each other and enjoying the view. I am leaning into Christian's chest, and his arm is draped around my shoulder. The sun is starting to sink into the water with bright pink and lavender hues streaming around it. "Anastasia," he quietly whispers to me, "we need to talk. Please, baby. Talk to me. I don't want to lose you."

I hear the strain and the stress in the voice of his heartfelt plea. And, I realize I haven't been fair to him. I've shut him out in my own loss and sorrow. So, I turn to him with tears puddling in my eyes. "Christian, I am so sorry." I begin to speak, and the words are just tumbling out of my mouth. I can't help it, and I can't stop. "All you wanted was to have a baby, and I killed it." Suddenly a sob escapes my throat. My true fears are now out in the open and are floating into space. "What if I can't give you the one thing I should as a woman? What if I can never have a baby? What if I don't deserve it?"

"Baby, no. You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't kill our baby. Listen to me." His eyes are a dark gray with lines of worry at the corners. He implores me, "I'm the one who wanted you to come with me even though I knew there were risks. I love you more than anything. You and I, we'll always have each other. We'll always be a family whether there is two of us or ten of us."

His heartfelt and earnest words are my undoing. I wrap my arms around his neck and begin to break down with my head buried against his neck. "Shh…" he tries to soothe me as he gently rubs my back. "I love you more than anything, Anastasia."

"I love you too, Christian. I'm so sorry." Suddenly, I feel weak and tired. It's as if this guilt and grief I have been carrying with me have been lifted and left me with nothing. As my sobs die down and I feel myself calming I feel at home in his arms. The scent of my Christian is lulling me to sleep, and I can no longer keep my eyes open.

My eyes open and I am engulfed in bright sunshine. At first, I don't know where I am until I realize I am lying on Christian's chest in bed. We must be in the main bedroom on the boat, but I don't remember how we got here.

I look up to see Christian is awake and smiling sweetly at me. "Good morning, Mrs. Grey." He whispers to me. He brushes some hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear. "You fell asleep on my shoulder last night. I knew you were exhausted, so I didn't want to wake you." His eyes are twinkling and being here in his strong arms makes me feel more secure and loved than I have ever felt before.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I don't know why, but suddenly I feel shy and vulnerable.

"Don't be, Anastasia. Watching you sleep is one of my favorite things to do, especially when I get to hold you in my arms." I don't have an answer, and begin to blush.

My heart skips a beat, and I get that same butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling I got when I first met him. He gives me a sly smile and his gray eyes sparkle. "What would you like to do today?" he asks me.

"Um, I don't know. I don't know anything about the island." I reply to him. I can sense he has an idea.

"I have an idea, do you trust me?" His voice is soft and soothing, yet confident.

"Of course."

About an hour later, we've enjoyed a delicious breakfast, changed and now are in the lovely town of Avalon. The town looks like it came right out of a movie. Boats of all sizes are scattered on the blue waters of the bay. Cliff-side houses crawl up the mountain above quaint streets of shops and restaurants.

We stop by a colorful tile fountain, and I realize it would make the perfect picture with the fountain and palm trees as our backdrop. Christian and I pose as I hold my phone out to take our selfie. Just as I snap the picture Christian quickly gives me a huge, sloppy kiss on the cheek. The resulting image is hilarious and probably one of my favorites.

Next, we visit the Wrigley Memorial & Botanic Garden and hike the Garden to Sky Trail. It's a gorgeous hike and the sun warming up my skin feels so good. There's something to be said about spending time in nature and how healing it is to your soul.

The end of the hike brings us to the memorial. It's an imposing tower-like structure with vibrantly colored tile that looks like something you would find in Seville. We stand by the wall and take in the view, by now the sun is beginning to set, and there is a warm pink glow cast over everything. It looks like a dream.

We're both quiet and lost in our thoughts. "Christian?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I'm sorry." I look him in his eyes and will myself to not cry.

"About what, Anastasia?" He sincerely asks me.

"So much. I always doubted you, and I always shut you out when all you ever did was love me. I should have treated you better. You deserve more."

"Anastasia, you've been through so much, of course, you would react to things differently than someone else. But like I told you, I will always fight for you. I will always love you with everything I have and everything I am."

"I blamed myself for losing the baby. My sole responsibility was to protect our baby, and I didn't do it. There was one thing you wanted, a family, and I couldn't give that to you."

"No. It was my fault. I wanted you to go with me to Africa, and I should have looked into every possibility to keep you and our baby safe." Before I know it, he wraps his arms around me in a hug.

"I love you, Christian. You are my rock." I tell him.

"You know you can tell me anything, whatever it is. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything. It's you and me, baby." he whispers to me.

I look up at him, my husband, the man I love, "and you once told me you didn't have a heart. You do, and it's all mine."

He smiles at me, leans down, and kisses me. We return to our boat for the evening feeling closer to each other than ever before.

Underneath a blanket of twinkling stars, Christian and I hold a floating lantern made of bamboo and rice paper. Onto the lantern we attach a card that reads, "Though we never saw you, never kissed you, never held you in our arms, we will always love you and hold you in our hearts." I hold the lantern while Christian lights the fuel cell. Then, together we hold the light to the sky and let go. We watch it float up to the stars until we can no longer see it. Afterwards, we spend the night talking about everything and anything until I fall asleep in his arms.

The rest of the weekend we spend on the boat by each other's side with no need for anything else. Our love and connection have been strengthened, and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from us and our hearts. We return home to Seattle renewed and reconnected.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

 **CPOV**

"I'll pick you up at 2 to go see Dr. Anderson, OK?" I tell Ana. I'm nervous about her going back to work even though I know she likes it. I worry she is not able to handle the stress. Ana's doing a lot better since she has come back from Costa Colina, but I don't want to add to her pressure anymore. I pray that we didn't make a mistake by having Ana come home early; it was her idea. Hopefully, Dr. Anderson can shed some light on it and help us communicate with each other better.

We are sitting in the elegantly decorated office of Dr. Anderson. I look over at Ana who is in the chair next to me. She caught some sun in Catalina, and it makes her eyes look bluer if that's possible.

"Good afternoon Christian and Ana, it's a pleasure to meet you. Dr. Flynn referred the both of you to me because I am neutral to both of you. That way, you can be honest without feeling judged in any way or that either of you have an advantage somehow." She looks a lot younger than she is. I had Welch look into her background, of course. She graduated at the top of her class at Johns Hopkins and had her residency at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston. Even at a young age, she was considered a pioneer in her field. I feel comfortable with her abilities.

"I'll start with Anastasia if that's OK with you." We both nod in agreement at her. "Anastasia, how are you feeling?"

"Call me Ana, please. I feel OK." Ana sits there quietly sipping a cup of tea. Dr. Anderson has done her homework as well because she had Ana's favorite brand here just for her.

Dr. Anderson smiles at Ana kindly. "Ana, I want to assure you this is a safe place without blame or judgment. So, how are you truly feeling?" The doctor's voice is soothing and calm.

Ana pauses for a second like she is thinking about what to say. "Scared. I'm scared." Ana's voice falters at the end of her statement. Automatically, I try to comfort Ana and take her hand in mine.

"Tell me, why are you scared, Ana?"

Ana starts to cry, and the doctor passes her a box of tissues. I notice they aren't the cheap ones that most offices provide but the more expensive ones with lotion. "I'm scared Christian is going to realize I'm a terrible wife and not want to be married to me anymore."

I'm shocked. I had no idea she still felt this way. "Oh, baby, no." I try to reassure her. Dr. Anderson gives me a look letting me know she wants Ana to continue, so I quietly sit back. My mind is reeling at Ana's statement. Why would she ever feel that way?

"Why do you feel you are a terrible wife?" The doctor probes.

Ana breathes loudly trying to catch her breath from crying. "Because ever since we met all Christian wanted to do was take care of me, and I wouldn't let him. I resisted it, and then I failed at being able to give him a family when it means so much to him." She begins to sob.

"Ana, do you want to take a moment?" she asks her.

"Yes, please. I have to use to restroom." Ana gets up from her seat.

"Absolutely, it's two doors down on the right. Take as much time as you need." the doctor instructs her.

Ana quietly leaves and shuts the door behind her. "Doctor, I don't understand why Anastasia would feel this way. I have always told her I will always be with her and she is all that matters to me." I explain to the doctor my confusion.

"Christian, a lot of the time, these feelings of inadequacy have nothing to do with the current relationship but are deep-seated from something that occurred in their past. So while you have told Ana how you feel, she will always be scared about that. It's like people who are afraid to walk over subway grates on the sidewalk. The chances they will fall through are minuscule. However, they still get nervous when they approach one, even when they know chances are they will be perfectly fine to walk on it. Do you understand?"

"I do, but how do I get her to stop that fear?" I desperately ask.

She smiles at me sympathetically, "That's what we're here to find out." The office door opens slowly, and Ana walks back in. She's stopped crying, and her makeup has been washed off.

"Ana, are you all right to continue?" the doctor asks.

Ana nods, "yes, thank you."

"When you think about being a failure as a wife, what pictures to you get in your mind?" I'm not sure if I like this line of questioning, I don't want Ana to get more upset. But, I bite my tongue and trust the doctor knows what she is doing. Still, it's incredibly hard to see my wife upset and not able to do anything about it.

"I imagine Christian leaving me to marry someone beautiful who he has more in common with, and they have many beautiful children. I'd be alone with no one." I can't refrain, and I gently squeeze her hand.

"So, your biggest fear is Christian falling out of love with you and leaving?" The doctor clarifies.

Anastasia makes a tiny squeak as she begins to cry once more, and just nods her answer. I feel like my heart is breaking. I hate the thought that I am the reason she is so upset.

"Let me ask you when you envision people in a happy and loving marriage, who do you think of?" Dr. Anderson asks Ana.

"Um, I don't know. I guess maybe Christian's parents or Elliot and Kate?"

"You sound unsure. Is there anyone from when you were younger you can think of?" Ana shakes her head. "What about your mother?"

Ana laughs a little bit, "No, definitely not. She was happy with her last husband, Bob, but he passed away."

"And your stepfather, Ray?"

"He never remarried or even dated after my mom. He just took care of me I guess."

"And your grandparents?"

"I never knew them." The doctor looks over at me letting me know our discussion while Ana was out of the room was spot on.

"Anastasia, now I want to establish something and ask some questions of Christian. You don't have to respond, just listen and take them in, OK?" Ana nods in response.

"Christian, since you've met Ana, how has she changed you?" the doctor looks at me now for my answer.

"How has she changed me? I think anyone can attest she has made me a better man. She showed me what love is."

"Do you trust her?"

"I trust her with my entire being. I trust her with my life. There isn't anyone I trust more than Anastasia." Ana looks at me and gives me a little smile.

"Does she have ambition?"

I laugh at the answer. "Most definitely. I don't even know how many times I told Anastasia that she doesn't need to work. But she says she likes it and wants to do a good job."

"Is she selfless? Does she care about others?"

This time I laugh a little harder. "Ana cares so much about other people that she puts them in front of her - sometimes to her detriment. She is the most caring person I know."

"Tell me what were the first things about Ana that made you interested in her as a partner?"

"Look at her; she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I still don't understand how she doesn't see that. She's quite intelligent, and she isn't afraid to challenge me. She asks me and tells me things everyone else is afraid to say." I smile, thinking back to when she asked me if I was gay as part of her interview with me. I can tell Ana is thinking of the same thing because her cheeks begin to turn a rosy pink.

"Do you love her?"

"Do I love her? I think I've loved her since the day I met her. Love doesn't adequately describe how I feel about her. She's the only woman to have captured my heart like that. I built up walls so I wouldn't feel anything and she knocked them all down. I will always love her; there is nothing she could do to make me not love her." Dr. Anderson smiles at my straightforward answer.

"So, Anastasia, now you have the truth. These are the facts, correct?"

"Yes." Ana whispers.

"Good. So, here is what I want you to do. When you start to feel afraid that Christian will leave you - I want you to let the feelings go. Remember what the truth is. The fear isn't who you are; it's not a part of you. You can let it go."

"OK." I can tell Ana is mulling this over in her mind.

"Remember that it is OK to feel scared. There is nothing wrong with that. However, what I ask of you is not to hold it inside. Talk to your husband and if you can't talk to him, write in a journal. Get what you are feeling out."

Ana looks over at me and smiles. "Thank you, Doctor."

"Anastasia, I gave you a lot to think about today. Don't hesitate to contact me with any questions. And, I'd like to see you in a couple of weeks to see how you are doing. Jennifer, my receptionist, can schedule the appointment. How does that sound?"

"It sounds very good, thank you, doctor," Ana replies to the doctor and shakes her hand.

"Thank you, Dr. Anderson," I say to her as I shake her hand next.

We schedule an appointment for two weeks. As we are walking to the car, I hold her close to me and kiss her head. "Thank you, Christian," Ana says to me.

"For what?"

"For loving me. For helping me. For caring about me." She replies to me; her blue eyes are looking into mine.

"Always, Anastasia. I will always love you and care about you. I will do whatever it takes for you."

"I know. And I will always love you."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

 **APOV**

It's been several weeks since I've been seeing Dr. Anderson and I think she is really helping me. Plus, I feel like Christian and I have been closer to each other than ever before. Our one year anniversary is coming up, and I am very excited. We've had our ups and downs throughout the past year, but we've come out of it stronger.

Christian had a meeting, so I got home from work before he did. I'm in the library checking my email, and when I look up, Christian is standing in the doorway smiling at me. "Hey, how long have you been standing there?"

"Not long - maybe a few seconds. I like watching you."

"I know, you're such a creeper." He begins to laugh and walks into the room towards me as I get up.

"Well, Mrs. Grey, you're the only object of this creeper's affections." He stands so close to me that our faces are only an inch or two apart. I can feel the current of electricity between us.

"Good. That's the way I like it." I can't stand it any longer and give him a quick kiss.

"I have a surprise for you." He teases me. Sometimes I think he likes teasing me more than giving me the surprise itself.

I start to feel giddy; it's taken me a while, but now I love it when Christian gives me gifts because I know it makes him happy.

"I'll give you a hint. It's where I first told you I love you." His spirited smile is contagious, and I start smiling as well.

"Hawaii?"

While still smiling, Christian nods yes. "What do you think about spending our first anniversary together in Hawaii? It's where I got my second chance."

"You know, when I first met you, and you told me you didn't do hearts and flowers, you couldn't have been more wrong. That is perfect. You are perfect."

We land at Lihue Airport where the car drives us about a half hour to the Koa Kea Hotel. The bellhop brings our luggage up to our oceanfront suite. I look out from the balcony, and the view is stunning. We have a completely unobstructed view of the beach and swaying palm trees. I smile as I think back to Christian and me stargazing on the beach when he told me he loves me.

Strong arms wrap around my waist from behind me. I lean my head back onto Christian's shoulder. Damn… he smells so good. "What are you thinking about?" He asks me.

"I was thinking about the first time you told me you love me," I confess.

He kisses my head in response, and I can tell he's smiling. "That was a good day."

I turn in his arms, so I am facing him. "We have you to thank for where we are right now. You didn't give up on us - you believed in us. And, you didn't take no for an answer." I tell him smiling as I say the last sentence.

"And, I would do it all over again. You are most definitely worth fighting for." He kisses me sweetly.

"Back at you. I'm never going to let you go." I say.

"I have another surprise for you." His excitement is palpable.

"I don't know how you can top this." I tease.

"Mmmmhhmmm. I do like a good challenge. What do you think about renewing our vows - just the two of us?" He looks a little unsure, but he hides it well.

"I think that sounds wonderful. Don't we have to plan it in advance though?"

"Well Mrs. Grey, it just so happens the Kahu, who would perform the ceremony, is available the day after tomorrow."

"Really? That's so romantic! I have to buy a dress unless you think it's OK to wear something I pack."

"No, I want you to wear white again. Then you'll look like an angel - my angel." I smile at him; his eyes are radiant and sincere.

"Yours forever."

"Since you planned our wedding, I would love to plan our vow renewal. Trust me?"

"Of course I trust you. You planned our entire honeymoon, and it was the best."

He smiles at me and looks young and happy. And in return, it makes me glad to see him this way.

* * *

 **CPOV**

Kala, the Events Coordinator, at the resort has been great helping me to plan the renewal ceremony. Her connections on the island make sure we get everything we need when we need it.

I am on the beach wearing a white linen shirt and tan khakis with a traditional maile lei draped around my neck. Kai, the Kahu, is standing next to me and Akoni is playing "I Can't Help Falling In Love with You" on the ukulele. I'm standing in a circle made of Hawaiian anthuriums, bird of paradise, Hawaiian red ginger, Hawaiian protea, and palm fronds. The circle represents our unending love for each other. In the near distance are a photographer and a videographer recording this for posterity.

About 20 feet away, I see my Anastasia. She's beautiful wearing a white, long, flowing dress with a halter neck and cut-out accents that tie in the back. She has on a haku made of the same flowers as in our circle. Kai blows into the pu, a conch shell, to signify to the sea, land, air, and wind the ceremony is about to begin. Ana starts to walk up the makeshift aisle barefoot wearing a lei made with multiple strands of pikake and holding a small bouquet made with the same flowers as her haku.

She is a radiant vision from Heaven only made better when she locks eyes with me and smiles. After what seems like an eternity, she gets to me, places her bouquet on the small table outside the circle, and says, "Hi."

Kai doesn't waste any time and starts the ceremony. "The Hawaiian word for love is Aloha, and we are here today to celebrate your love. Marriage is a commitment for life. It allows for opportunities to bring out the best in each other and to grow beyond any expectations.

"Within the circle of its love you are once again committing to each other. Throughout your marriage, you have faced difficult circumstances as well as joyous times. When you took your wedding vows you promised to love each other whether rich or poorer and in sickness and health, you kept that vow as you stand here today remaining faithful to each other through even difficult times. To depend on someone is indeed a blessing in life, to have someone to share the joys and to share the warmth of the sun and the coolness of the air is a cherished gift and should never be taken lightly.

"I will now ask the elementals to watch over your marriage. I ask the Spirit of Fire to destroy anything that is hurtful or inharmonious. I ask the Spirit of Air to allow you to breathe in peace. I ask the Spirit of the Sea to guide you through the ebb and flow of life, so you land calmly on the shore. And, I ask the Spirit of the Earth to nurture the seeds of love and life you have sewn so your love may blossom and thrive.

"Now you will recite your vows. Anastasia, please start." Kai nods to Ana so she can recite her vows to me.

"In all that we have learned and every experience that we have encountered led us to this moment. Christian, I renew my vows of marriage to you. You are my life partner, my best friend, and companion, you also are the supporter of my dreams and the guardian of my heart I will spend the rest of my days by your side. Thank you, Christian, for providing a nurturing and loving environment in which to grow, what I have promised before, I gladly promise again to love you honor you and respect you above all others."

The Kahu now turns to me, "Christian…"

"How I love you still my beautiful Anastasia, and how proud I am to be your husband. I gladly renew the promise I made to you pledge myself to you again this day with love as fresh as the day I married you. I will trust and honor you, laugh and cry with you, through the best and the worst, the easy and the difficult. I will always be with you holding your hand. I will love you today, tomorrow, and always." Truer words have never been spoken. I love Ana with my whole heart and soul.

Kai places our hands in his, "I offer you a blessing of love. Aloha mai no aloha aku o ka huhu ka mea e ola ole ai. Translated it means, 'when love is given, love naturally flows back in return.' Now that you have reconfirmed your love and vows to each other I urge you to stay close and cling tenderly yet tightly as you continue to journey through this world. Trust each other. Be gentle with your feelings, cherish your dreams, share your joys and hurts. Care for each other truly and deeply, putting your commitment before all else. Live for your love and your love will live forever.

"May all the beautiful gifts that come with the promises of a long loving marriage bring never-ending happiness to both of you. I now pronounce you as a loving, caring couple in love as Husband and Wife. Christian, you may once again kiss your beautiful bride."

I take Anastasia in my arms and kiss her lovingly and passionately. Ke Kali Nei Au begins to play on the ukulele. I pick Ana up in my arms and carry my bride down the aisle genuinely feeling the meaning of "Aloha."


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

 **Six Months Later…**

 **APOV**

Christian is kissing me so passionately he has to stop to catch his breath. He is so damn sexy that it's almost like he's not real. He's laying on top of me on our bed - he's already torn off my jeans and is working on my shirt. It feels like it is taking him forever to unbutton the shirt and I'm starting to get impatient.

He unhooks my bra, in what is probably record time. He's kissing my breasts and my neck and is caressing me with one of his hands while the other one is holding him up. "Have you been tanning?" He stops to ask me.

I was so lost in the moment with him that my brain hasn't yet caught up. "Um, what?" I ask breathlessly.

He smiles, knowing the effect he has on me. "Have you been tanning? Your nipples look darker than usual."

"Tanning? No. Christian, stop talking. I want you." He laughs again at my answer. But he listens to me and continues kissing down my body past my stomach. I know what he's doing, and the anticipation of it has me already grinding my hips. He peels my underwear off and down my legs, so I am now completely naked. He stops for a split second, looks at me _there_ , then his head dips low, and I can feel his mouth on me.

It feels so good that I almost orgasm immediately. I don't know what has me so worked up but lately, I can't get enough sex with Christian, and I know he doesn't mind it at all. He teases me until I am just on edge and about to fall when he stops. "No, don't stop!" I tell him as I am still squirming.

He gives me his sexy playboy smile and comes back up to my face. "Baby, when did you last get your period?" _What?_

"I don't know, a couple of weeks ago I think. Why are you asking me this now?"

"I think you should take a pregnancy test."

"What? What on Earth ever made you think that especially now when we were about to… you know?" He knows how to ruin a mood.

"For one, your nipples are darker and second, your pussy has changed color, and you taste different - sweeter." He kisses me on my lips so I can taste myself on him.

"I don't know what you are talking about. And, don't use that word. I don't like it."

"What word?" He smirks.

"You know what word I'm talking about." I'm starting to blush.

"Nipples?" He teases me.

"No, you know…" I plead with him.

"No, I don't. You need to say it."

I sigh knowing I'm going to lose this battle and he won't stop until I do say it. "Ugh… pussy. There, are you happy?"

He grins like a Cheshire cat at me. "I love when you say that word, baby. It's so fucking hot." Then he reaches down between my legs and begins to rub my clitoris which makes me moan. "I, for one, love your pussy."

I know he's doing this to rile me up and it's working. "Stop it!"

As soon as I say that, his hand stops moving and my pleasure immediately ceases. "No. Stop saying _that_ word."

"Well, what should I call it?" His face is so close to mine that if he were just an inch closer, our lips would be touching.

"I don't know…" I pause, trying to think of a suitable word. "Hoo-ha?"

"Hoo-ha?!" He starts laughing, really laughing. He sits up, "Anastasia, I'm not going to call it a hoo-ha. Your pussy is beautiful, intoxicating even; and, it's all mine. But right now, I want you to go to the bathroom and take a pregnancy test."

"Christian, I'm not even due for my period yet. What makes you think that I am pregnant?" I'm sitting up now resolved to the fact that the mood is now ruined.

"You know I've been reading up on this stuff. I've read that when you are pregnant, your areola and your labia change color." He tells me matter-of-factly as if it's perfectly reasonable to talk about my areola and labia.

I instinctively cross my legs and pull the sheet up to cover my breasts. "So, you think because of that; I'm pregnant? I don't have a missed period, haven't had morning sickness, or any of the other symptoms."

"Just humor me, will you?" His demeanor is so caring and loving that I can't resist him. I can't say no when he's this adorable.

"OK. I'll get dressed and go to the pharmacy to get a test. Will that make you happy?" I start to get out of bed.

"No need. I bought some so we could be prepared." I should have known Christian Control Freak Grey would be prepared. He gets up off the bed gloriously naked. I stop and stare at him and his god-like body. "What?" Christian stops and asks me.

I shake my head, "Nothing."

He gives me a sly smile and walks into the bathroom. "Well, come on then. Come here." I quickly pop up off the bed and walk into the bathroom to join him. He hands me a test, "You pee on this part, replace the cap, and then we wait for the results."

"I know how these work, Christian." I go to sit on the toilet, but Christian doesn't move. "Well, are you just planning to watch me pee?"

"I was planning on it."

"You're gross. Get out and let me pee." He laughs but turns around and quickly walks out of the bathroom closing the door behind him. I do my business, replace the cap, and put the test on the counter in the bathroom. I walk out to Christian. "We have to wait two minutes for the results."

"I know, I already started the timer." He closes the space between us. Reaching his hand to my face and caressing my cheek, "Anastasia, regardless of the results of that test in there, I love you, and that will never stop. OK?"

I nod at him. "Yes, but can you get dressed? You're very distracting when you're naked."

"Are you sure that's what you want?" He asks as he gives me a quick peck on the lips and walks over to his dresser pulling out a pair of sweatpants. As he pulls on his pants, I walk over to my robe which is hanging on the bathroom door and put it on.

Nervously, we stare at each other until Christian's alarm goes off indicating our two minutes are up. He turns off the alarm, "Ready?" he asks me.

I swallow, suddenly nervous, not sure what I want the results to be. I know how much Christian has wanted a family, as do I. But this is the first time since I miscarried so I'm also scared to get pregnant again. I nod and pause. "I'm nervous," I confess to Christian in a whisper.

He steps towards me and wraps me in his arms. He kisses my head and whispers to me, "I am too. But whatever happens, we have each other."

Holding hands, we walk into the bathroom together. I grab the test and hesitantly remove the cap. Taking a deep breath, I look at the results window.

"It's positive." I look up at Christian.

He gives me a huge smile. "Really? We're going to have a baby?" Christian asks me with his voice cracking at the end of his question.

Tears begin to fall from my eyes, and I can't speak, so I just nod. He lets out a happy laugh and sounds like the young man he is. Quickly he picks me up in a bear hug and swings me around.

"Anastasia Rose Grey, I love you so much, and you have made me the happiest man alive."

* * *

 **Three Years Later…**

 **CPOV**

We're walking through Ella Bailey Park; Ana is on my right holding my hand. On her other side, Teddy is excitedly talking away. "Mommy! A squooorell!" Teddy yells. He loves all kinds of animals - Ana is convinced he's going to be a veterinarian one day. I'm hoping he'll want to take over Grey Enterprises and follow in my footsteps. But, if there is anything I have learned in my life is to let your children go after their own dreams. So, whatever he wants to do, I will fully support him.

Teddy lets go of Ana's hand once he sees the swings and goes running towards them laughing and yelling. "Swings! Teddy swing!" Anastasia laughs and chases after him. Carefully, so I don't wake our sleeping princess, Phoebe, I take the stroller off the walking path and join them.

Teddy's laughing and yelling wakes up his little sister who starts to fuss. She doesn't like to wake up just like her mommy. "Daddy, push me!" Teddy yells at me. Ana walks over smiling at me and picks up Phoebe holding her close to soothe her.

"I think your assistance is required at the swings, Daddy." I give her a sweet kiss and walk to the swing where Teddy is sitting.

I pull his swing back, "You ready, Teddy?"

"Go, Daddy!" He yells to me. I let go and let his swing flies upward towards the sky. "Higher!" He yells laughing. His excitement and fearlessness is his mother through and through. As I am pushing Teddy, I look over to Anastasia and watch her with our baby girl. This is everything. Right here is my world and if it weren't for some clumsy college student who literally fell into my life, I would never get to know how happy I honestly can be. Every day, I am so thankful to have them in my life. A life without them would not be a life worth living.

 **THE END**


End file.
